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BTDT
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15 Mar 2019, 6:24 pm

This may be a good reason for doing an assessment over multiple sessions. Additional tests can be done if needed.



PoseyBuster88
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17 Mar 2019, 7:34 pm

Personal space is a learned behavior, but one that most people learn without needing much explicit teaching. How close is "too close" differs from culture to culture, which is how you know it is learned. I prefer to have a pretty large amount of personal space, largely because I don't like to be touched, so I notice when people don't give me the normal amount of space.

If someone takes a small step away from you while you are talking to them, that typically either means they need more space or that they are ready to end the conversation and go somewhere else. If they are seated, they may twist away from you a bit or fold their arms/hold something between you (like their notebook) to create a sense of a barrier. Or wiggle the chair away. Most won't say anything, because you are supposed to take the nonverbal "hint."


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shortfatbalduglyman
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17 Mar 2019, 7:42 pm

BTDT wrote:
Yes, that is it. Some people are aware of the concept of "personal space." You do not. The chairs were close together as a test.

You should look at this as an assessment of what you can and can't do. I can't reach the top shelf of stores. I can lift heavy containers of cat litter into my car.




It sounds to me like a trick

In job interviews, leaning forward expresses interest (good)

You claim you were leaning forward.

Precious lil "people" have the nerve to tell me to sit up straight

:roll:


There is something wrong with every :ninja: degree of curvature :roll:


Someone told me "smile". Someone told me "why are you smiling?".

They are asserting their alpha male(female) status. Power. Mind games. They are demonstrating how helpless you are



Based on your description, I seriously don't see what you could have done wrong



League_Girl
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18 Mar 2019, 12:23 am

An arm length away is someone's personal space. Once my mom told me this rule, that cured my personal space problem lol. It was just a matter of always having to remind myself whenever I was around people so I wasn;t standing so close to them or walking so close.


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I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

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Skilpadde
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18 Mar 2019, 10:12 am

^ arm's length is too close for my comfort

PoseyBuster88 wrote:
Personal space is a learned behavior, but one that most people learn without needing much explicit teaching.
Don't most people naturally feel like having personal space as they grow to be older kids/teens? I did. :?

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
BTDT wrote:
Yes, that is it. Some people are aware of the concept of "personal space." You do not. The chairs were close together as a test.

You should look at this as an assessment of what you can and can't do. I can't reach the top shelf of stores. I can lift heavy containers of cat litter into my car.




It sounds to me like a trick

Glad I'm not the only one to think so. I too see it that way, and it makes me resentful TBH.


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BTDT
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18 Mar 2019, 1:13 pm

Maybe the issue is viewing social interaction as a huge collection of rules.

There was an episode of Sheldon that showed how Missy had this "superpower" of observation and deduction that allowed her to be a social genius without knowing "the rules." Doesn't matter how "smart" you are if you are totally blind to facial expressions and body language.



Last edited by BTDT on 18 Mar 2019, 1:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

League_Girl
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18 Mar 2019, 1:14 pm

Arm length too close for your comfort? Then I guess you don't stand or sit too close to people then, good for you. Some people on the spectrum luck out with personal space because they won't naturally be too close to people because of their own personal space. Sometimes their own symptom compensates for the other.


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I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


skibum
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18 Mar 2019, 6:56 pm

Skilpadde wrote:
BTDT wrote:
Yes, that is it. Some people are aware of the concept of "personal space." You do not. The chairs were close together as a test.

Sounds like a poor test to me.

I hate having anyone too close to me, but if the chairs were seated closer than I was comfortable with, I wouldn't be likely to complain about it. I would likely just try to suffer it in silence despite feeling uncomfortable.

I am like you Skil. I get very anxious when I feel that people are too close to me and what is considered good personal space in this country feels very scary to me and I tend to need more space. I don't tend to say anything though I just keep taking small steps back to widen the space as much as I can.


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