I sometimes think that not everyone likes me
I seem to think that NT people don't like for what I look like and how I dress when I seem them looking as I walk past them in a busy high street or shopping centre and even think most people on my social media (facebook) don't like me and don't want to talk to me or want anything to do with me. And a part of me is telling me ''Well, what do you expect ?, if you were using facebook often to just write and post negative statuses then, of course people aren't going to talk to you because they don't want to know and maybe they have problems of their own to deal with.'' I started posting negative statuses on social media, maybe I admit it was for attention but shouldn't make me a bad person, but I felt it was a way of being heard and getting people to understand me as before then I used to find facebook interesting sharing my interests in music, posting photos and sharing jokes and so on but it frustrated me when I wasn't getting noticed because there were hardly many likes, comments and people sending me messages, I had few friends on there who talked to me and it frustrated me more when people I was 'friends' with on there didn't talk to me as much as obviously I they didn't know me well and didn't see them often even though I recognised them for school and college and I feel like quite annoyed at them as if they didn't acknowledge me much in class, and didn't approach much to talk to me when it maybe should have been ME to make the effort. Apart from facebook, I don't use any other social media platforms like twitter, instagram etc because I don't want to use it as it seems just similar to facebook and not interested in signing to them, I don't really bother now posting any photos or anything fun or interesting on facebook anymore all I do now is just scroll through everyone else's statuses and so on and thats it and it leaves me still feeling quite isolated and feeling like I'm missing on life from what I see from 'friends' from their photos of looking attractive, going to parties, holidays abroad and so on and think I'm just boring, uninteresting and unattractive.
I feel like that too. OK I am loved by my family and my boyfriend, which I am thankful for. But I feel like colleagues don't not like me but prefer other people to me, if that makes sense. They are nice people, don't get me wrong, and I get along with them and I do feel like I fit in, but because there's a girl there who's louder than me and has a strong personality, they all tend to prefer to talk to her, even though I am probably nicer and easier to talk to than she is. She's the sort of person who'd tell all her personal things to the others, while I'll only talk about the work or do small talk, or I might tell them something personal if they ask me specifically. But otherwise I tend to stay quiet, because I worry that people might not be interested in my life.
_________________
Female
Very few people like me. I find that the people who do like me are the people who are involved in the things that are my special interests.
_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph
Last edited by skibum on 18 Mar 2019, 8:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Interesting topic. I think social media is truly challenging. In person, I get positive reactions from most folks now, although when I was a kid that was certainly not the case at all. I got bullied and ostracized in school. But I've had a lot of practice over the decades and I show interest in people, try to be helpful when I can or supportive when people need support. I can join in various types of discussions (although some trigger too much anxiety for me), have helped a fellow from my church patch walls and hang drywall at his house. I'm an usher at church and that forces me to greet dozens and dozens of people at least once a week and to practice smiling and memorizing people's name (which can be tricky because I'm face-blind, lol), and it feels good to make people feel comfortable and welcome. People tend to like me but sort of at arm's length. And it's easy for me to offer help, but not to say what I want or ask for help myself.
The people I used to manage at my job liked me - managing was a big chance to think about others' needs and talk to them about what would help them in their work, although various types of interviews and meetings were total burn-out for me. And I feel good about these things, but there's a huge element of regret and having a big problem with myself because I really do like making people happy, but there is an element of fundamental inauthenticity to the way I act. I carefully hide stimming, and I have to stim, especially in social situations. I fake normal body language and eye contact and voice intonation very well, and to the extent it makes others comfortable and makes conversation enjoyable for them, I genuinely am happy to do it. But it's still synthetic. I hide when I get really anxious as best I can. But it's a rut and I'm not showing my real self. Social media is quite different from personal interaction and I got off Facebook ages ago because my travel and vegan/animal rights activities weren't interesting to many folks. I'm more worried about getting major negative reactions on social media - I've gotten seriously flamed over pretty innocuous comments on YouTube It's easier for me to get positive reactions from people in person than on social media. Showing positive intent in person can be done with smiles and head nods and eye contact and a friendly voice, but it takes a lot of work to be friendly in online posts and comments and I tend to make mistakes.
Social media is the greatest scam to have ever existed. Why are so many people paying to consume advertising on THEIR OWN COMPUTERS? The answer is behavioral conditioning. If you encounter a page that scrolls down on & on without stopping, you encounter no reason to stop.
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
A lot of people don't like me and some of them hardly know me. It bothers me from time to time, but I don't dwell on it. I don't use social media at all. And very few people really like the real (unmasked) me. And even then, they don't spend much time with me.
_________________
The river is the melody
And sky is the refrain - Gordon Lightfoot
Social media is largely used to project our ideal selves. Brazen. Bold. Successful. There are failures and there are accomplishments. The constant gloomy news may be offputing but don't get fooled by what others post. As for how you relate to others, I had really bad social anxiety because of my obsession with being liked by everyone. The right people sort of appear.
Mama Ru always says, "How the hell is someone gonna love you if you don't love yourself?" Get comfortable with being alone but also know like many have pointed out, we're always here for you.
You don't have to post on every platform. I lurk on Reddit, Twitter, and sometimes Insta. Facebook and Insta are one and the same.
_________________
I wondered, ". . . So therefore I exist."
If you're not commenting or liking others' statuses, or messaging them, it's unreasonable to complain about them not liking, commenting on or messaging you.
If you don't feel like many people like you, then you should ask yourself if there's anything about you that is particularly likeable. If you can't identify anything then there's a good chance that others can't either, and you'll need to work on coming across as more likeable. If you can identify things that make you likeable, then the next step is to reflect on what you are doing to leave an impression on others that will lead them to view you as a likeable person, and also identify what you might be doing to diminish your likeability and drive other people away (an excess of negative Facebook statuses, for instance).
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Trying to understand if this friend with AS likes me |
16 Apr 2024, 9:55 pm |