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Fnord
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24 Apr 2019, 8:18 am

SaveFerris wrote:
... You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one...
Ooo ... Good one! That's a sig-worthy line if I ever saw one!
SaveFerris wrote:
When the past calls, let it go to voicemail, it has nothing new to add.
Wow! Two in a row! You're on a roll!


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Fnord
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24 Apr 2019, 8:21 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I’ve had to learn to MAKE myself liked...
Did the process involve:
Some random detractors wrote:
1. Stop Complaining.
2. Learn a new skill or develop a new talent.
3. Get up, class up, get out, and mingle.
?

Just askin'...


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kraftiekortie
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24 Apr 2019, 8:27 am

I was never a "complainer," per se.

The main thing I did was to learn to listen to what other people were saying, instead of merely engaging in monologue, and showing off how much I know.

I had to learn to ENGAGE with other people. It didn't come naturally to me.

And I had to learn not to bear grudges. To acknowledge what was "done" to me, but to move on from what was 'done" to me. That's probably the most important thing. If I bore a grudge against all things that happened in my life, I would be a basket case.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 24 Apr 2019, 8:41 am, edited 2 times in total.

Fnord
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24 Apr 2019, 8:40 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
... The main thing I did was to learn to listen to what other people were saying, instead of merely engaging in monologue, and showing off how much I know. I had to learn to ENGAGE with other people. It didn't come naturally to me.
I might be willing to bet that you eventually learned that a conversation is more than a one-sided expression of contempt and hostility toward anyone who was more popular than you. It also (as you said) involves listening to what other people say, and giving them their fair share of attention while acknowledging the validity of their own feelings.


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kraftiekortie
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24 Apr 2019, 8:42 am

Yep. That's true.

It took lots of time and practice, though.

And I still haven't totally succeeded.

I'm a heck of a lot better than I was in my 20's. though.



Fnord
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24 Apr 2019, 8:49 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Yep. That's true. It took lots of time and practice, though. And I still haven't totally succeeded. I'm a heck of a lot better than I was in my 20's. though.
Same here. I'm far better off than I was, and will probably enjoy my retirement. The key is to never give up -- never assume that you will fail before you have even tried. Past performance is no guarantee of future results, so past failures are no guaranty of future failures, either.


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IstominFan
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24 Apr 2019, 8:51 am

I was alone for a lot of my life. I realized that things I did made me that way. I have taken opportunities to be social, and people like me. One aspect of my life, though, is still far away: finding someone who will love me.



magz
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24 Apr 2019, 9:07 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
And I had to learn not to bear grudges. To acknowledge what was "done" to me, but to move on from what was 'done" to me. That's probably the most important thing. If I bore a grudge against all things that happened in my life, I would be a basket case.

That's something I would sign with my name, too.
I have had to fight and work for acceptance in different environments. I used all my skills for it - and cookies. I observed bullies changing their mind and offering me help.
I also proved wrong people criticizing me to find out they didn't give a damn about it.


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kraftiekortie
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24 Apr 2019, 9:12 am

I would say most bullies back off if you fight back. They acquire a sort of "grudging" respect for you.

The more you don't fight back, the more ammunition the bully has at his/her disposal in the bullying of you.

I'm not saying there are not exceptions. But I'm saying this as a general rule.



magz
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24 Apr 2019, 9:19 am

I don't know, I mostly shrugged off bullying and went back to my books.
I suppose it was some unexpected way of demonstrating strength - the inner strength of my mind.
Bullies back off at any kind of strength.


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kraftiekortie
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24 Apr 2019, 9:23 am

I'm glad they saw that strength in you.

I was somebody who called out the answers in class; but it was rare that the other kids saw me actually reading a book.

Perhaps, I should have tried reading a book! LOL



magz
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24 Apr 2019, 9:31 am

Some saw this strength, some didn't - the most important point is, I had a retreat for myself.


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kraftiekortie
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24 Apr 2019, 9:39 am

I'm glad you got that "retreat." This is why you've accomplished as much as you did.



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24 Apr 2019, 10:16 am

I can't really relate to that, I suppose. I was just mistreated as a child and in my teens so much that people not liking me became the norm; it just doesn't raise up any emotions anymore. Actually, it's the opposite: if someone says they like me or seem to like me I start wondering what they want, what they think I can give them, what use they think I'll be to them. And if I get convinced that they really do think I'm nice and just enjoy my company, as in my company is the thing they want from me, then I start wondering what's wrong with them since they consider someone like me good enough to spend their time on. What's so wrong with them that they can't get better friends? Of course, logically thinking I know that this isn't how it goes all the time, but sometimes it's very hard to be logical.

kraftiekortie wrote:
I would say most bullies back off if you fight back. They acquire a sort of "grudging" respect for you.

The more you don't fight back, the more ammunition the bully has at his/her disposal in the bullying of you.

I'm not saying there are not exceptions. But I'm saying this as a general rule.


Back at school, we who got bullied were usually told to ignore the bullies since reacting in any way would just "add fuel to the fire."

A friend of mine, a bit unskilled socially for his age, always got in trouble for fighting back. He was clumsier socially than the bullies, so the bullies got off easier with the teachers 'cause they knew what to say.

In junior high, I kept getting in trouble because I was bullied. I told the teachers, the teachers scolded the bullies and made them apologize, and then I got in to trouble for not saying "I forgive you." Why would I have said it when I didn't really mean it? That would've been lying... plus it never took long for them to start bullying others again. Some of my clothes even got ruined by them, I got no payment for it yet the teachers were still mad at me for not saying I forgive them.



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24 Apr 2019, 10:48 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I was never a "complainer," per se.

The main thing I did was to learn to listen to what other people were saying, instead of merely engaging in monologue, and showing off how much I know.

I had to learn to ENGAGE with other people. It didn't come naturally to me.

And I had to learn not to bear grudges. To acknowledge what was "done" to me, but to move on from what was 'done" to me. That's probably the most important thing. If I bore a grudge against all things that happened in my life, I would be a basket case.


You have to keep in mind that Fnord keeps making wrongful assumptions about me. He thinks I only go after women in relationships purposefully, I don't go out and socialize, and I haven't tried new things. That's partly why I consider him to be a detractor.



magz
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24 Apr 2019, 11:01 am

In my expirience, Fnord doesn't stick to his assumptions when someone clarifies their description of situation.


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