Being disliked hurts

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None of my jobs have lasted lasted more than four years due to layoffs and businesses going out of business. To work in a place for more than a decade for more than a decade is pretty damn impressive these days. Can't he at least be proud of that? I guess not.

Depending on many factors, but most specifically the home situation, different children will factor in this kind of experience differently, because one thing (situation) to the inner self of the child represents something else. In fact a child will even try to create the same kind of difficult situation outside the home that he is struggling with at home, as he is caught in a repetitive circle of trying to recreate the same situation so that he can so-called free himself from it. Cept it doesn't really work this way but just turns into a vicious circle. Sad.

To the Op, sounds like you are caught up in negative thinking. To change that pattern takes an observation/acknowledgement of it to oneself, then a dedication to process data in a new way, and this does takes work, speaking from very personal experience, but it is worth it.

Get over yourself.

Bea if I had my way , you'd be on a holiday to get over yourself

Is that like a formal warning? I need to know.

Speaking to you as a forum participant: you're getting too big for your britches.
Speaking to you as a moderator: Yes, sir.

To SaveFerris and all concerned: SaveFerris, I may disagree with some of your idea content, but I want to applaud and encourage you (and/or whomever) for not shutting down this particular thread. (This said, I did not read the whole thing.) Or maybe you want to and do not have the ability as an individual moderator to do so. In any case, imo, and actually am pretty certain, a lot of very smart, even intelligent people, have left this forum due to over-excessive moderation. which has by my estimation on some level affected the general quality of the ongoing communications. Maybe there is something of value to be learned here on this thread.. I do not know if you see it this way, but I hope I do not get in trouble for saying this, but thank you for using the (modified) f word Twill hurt no one.

Re your comment above, regarding this being like a game to some participants, you have opened the door to the mention and hopefully better understanding of a very difficult, sensitive and topic but imo extremely important topic,, especially here on WP where so many people are deeply suffering:

To the group in general, there is something called a yes-but game which I have written about a couple of times before. Am not saying this is even happening here, but it is a possible situation to be cognizant of and at least look out for in this kind of discussion. Someone asks for help, but no matter what you do or say to try to offer a solution, the suffering person you are trying to help will reject it, by in effect saying, "yes, but." The function of such a game is to avoid intimacy by structuring or patterning human interactions on a superficial level, so sort of a form of busy-making that creates the appearance/illusion of have control, but on a subtle level is a game, as no real solutions to the problem can occur from this kind of interaction and the unconscious intention is to avoid intimacy by expressing hostility. It is not a win/win situation, but rather a one-up situation, as eventually the people trying to help a person whose intention (on an unconscious level, presumably) is to never get help but rather to superficially structure a situation, turn on the so called victim and start persecuting him. This is actually on an unconscious level the aim of the game, as then the victim, by recreating the same situation he is stuck in, wins. Over-simplified, perhaps, as I am in a hurry, but this is it in a nutshell. You can google yes-but game and also the karpman triangle if you are interested in this subject. Again, op, am not sayhing this applies to you, though it does look like a duck.

This said, every pancake has two sides, and all people playing are in some way complicit.

I can't give formal warnings, relax.

pmsl I'm getting too big for my britches

Is that because I'm calling you out on your harassment.

No game, and I'm not "messing with the depressed guy" either. I'm seriously wondering why only Bea and I are being harassed for our opinions when Luhluhluh is expressing the same opinions as all of the other "detractors" and getting away with it. Can you explain this, please?

But Fnord darling , you are messing with him. You just seem unable to grasp the fact. I don't know any other way to put it , words fail me.

It's painful enough to be bullied by the other kids. It's even worse when the teachers join in and even put the blame on you for "asking for it".

How does a helpless, physically clumsy, and socially awkward child "ask" to be bullied?

In this, I can empathize with the OP.

I am not your "darling", and I am not "messing" with him. He has problems. I tried to advise him from my own personal experiences with the same problems. I tried to get him to understand that he has to be the one to take action. He rejected me as a "detractor" and accused me of not wanting him to improve. I'm now trying to support the others who try to advise him as well.

If you will not see that, then I regret encouraging you to return.

edited to add: am getting confused about who I am writing to as two people's names begin with F and I have brain damage so sometimes a difficulty with processing such complexities esp when two people are talking so much and so many short messages. But I think it is still possible to get the basic gist of what I am saying.

Moi? First of all, the one originating a yes-but game, if it is such a game, would be the person asking for help, and then other people participating would on some level be complicit. In the beginning they are innocent in a way because they are genuinely dedicated to helping the one who is asking for help, as there is no way to realize it's a game until they see all of the yes-but responses. Imo, and this could be wrong, as I'm not an expert on this subject, at the moment they turn on the initiator of the yes-but interactions and start persecuting him, then they are on some level complicit. It would break the toxic pattern either to walk away or to try to inquire into what is in actuality happening.

Imo, and again, just my opinion, from what I've read, which is not the entire thread, your participation in particular is basically turning an inquiry for help, whether 100% sincere or not, but on some level surely genuine, into a cheap chat room, in that over emotional reaction can really derail any possibility for actual problem solving, and also you are doing a form of enabling which I do not believe is becoming behavior for anyone, but is especially problematic for someone in the position of moderator.

All of this said, there are so many messages on here it is difficult to follow what is happening. Sad.

Last edited by littlebee on 17 May 2019, 1:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Wasn't that post against moderatorial direction ?

SaveFerris, I feel you have confused some of your personal issues with what is going on in this thread, and I respectfully request you to ask someone else on the moderator team to take over for you in this and related threads.

OK, MOD hat on , as if that makes a f*****g difference

I respectfully decline your offer , and your laughable armchair diagnosis of the situation.

If you want me to leave this thread so you can continue harassing the OP , you will have to PM another MOD.

If I believe any future posts are harassment I will remove them and ask for a warning to be issued.