recovering from a an autistic burnout!

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here is my blog, i talk about being diagnosed, issues with being in college/grad school w/ autism, and day to day issues. This post is about having an autistic burnout while ironically attending the number 1 graduate program in the NATION for autism---vanderbilt special ed---and boy were they NOT understanding----I actually wasnt diagnosed until i attended there but it was horrible



http://reslaneshop.blogspot.com/

Thanks for posting this!

I can relate to what you describe about your burnout..... I'm just starting to recover from one.

It happened two years ago--I'm still putting all the pieces together and trying to figure out the words to talk about what I've figured out so I won't say anything about what caused it.....but one day at work my store of balloons was outweighed by all the rocks I was carrying around (I talk about getting through life by using a metaphor where I sort experiences and the stuff people carry around inside of them into "balloons" and "rocks"--balloons are things that lift you up and rocks weigh you down....to keep going in life you need to have enough balloons to manage the weight of the rocks). Anyways, that day at work, I just sort of collapsed inside--I just couldn't function anymore. I was so completely overwhelmed that I had started having flashbacks, and that day at work that I stopped functioning was the day I lost all ability to cope with them (or anything else)--I could barely speak to my supervisor to tell her I had to leave. I pretty much sprinted to the bus and was shaking all the way home.

I used up all my sick days and all my vacation time before I had to go on extended leave from work (it was unpaid leave, and lasted over 6 months before I had to quit my job). I couldn't leave the house. I couldn't talk to people. I could barely sleep. I was in a constant state of extreme anxiety for almost a year. I didn't understand what was going on with me, why life had been so hard, why I was so messed up, why I was so different...and I couldn't explain it to anybody (even when I'd been okay, I couldn't explain it). During the worst of my burnout, my inability to communicate with others in minimal ways alienated me from the first and only friends I had, and made some of my family think I hated them. I developed a lot of shame.

It took me a long time to seek help, but when I did I was diagnosed with autism and sensory integration dysfunction....I'm in therapy now and have started to glue myself back together and come to terms with the fact that I can't do as much as I thought I could. I still can't work and I'm still pretty isolated, but at least I can leave the house again. Burnout sucks.

Yup. All too familiar. Dammit. You are not alone.

Well, back in 2007 up to early 2008, I went to community college for five semesters in a row. Four classes per semester in a graphic design degree, with no part-time job on the side. Sounds easy-peasy, right?

By the time summer of 2008 arrived, I was seriously contemplating suicide. My perfectionism had driven me into the ground. I became so traumatized by the college itself that I despised the thought of ever going there again, and constantly reminded my parents that I never intended to use my degree anyway (which is still true). My sentence was only half over by then, and all I wanted to do was escape.

Thankfully my parents let me have the summer off, and the class schedules were so stilted that from then on I could only take three, two, and then one class per semester. I'm finally recovered and even miss the place, now that I've associated it with the more pleasant classes I took after 2008 ended. But what a horrible two years!

I should add that my depression was half responsible for my difficulty, since I was in "suicide ideation mode" by default. My anti-seizure medicine dosage (Lamical is a charm on depression) was increased in summer of 2008, and I daresay that was what ultimately saved my life.

Totally understand; I'm going through a burnout myself. I attended a scholarship luncheon on Friday--over 200 people--and came home exhausted. I should have had my pictures done and left. I knew that crowd was going to be too much for me.

I had classwork to catch up on when i got home, so I took a 1 hour nap and went back to work. I still have not gotten a break. I'm going to print all my work at school tomorrow and meet with my education specialist in her office. But my classwork is caught up for now. I just have to study for the quiz on Friday until the next module comes out Thursday, then start it. I'm in an accelerated class that ends June 27 and my energy just keeps on going down. I've got 7 more modules to do and i don't know if I'll survive--if i do, I'll be extremely exhausted by the time it's all done. My head has been hurting, too; I can just about do my exercises. I'm trying to take breaks, but I have deadlines i got to meet.

The fire door outside my apartment banging isn't helping, either; these last couple days, it's been driving me crazy with it's banging noises. I'm glad i am getting a laptop in the fall; I can take it to the library and work there in peace as long as the library is open. I won the laptop scholarship, so I'll be able to use the wi-fi anywhere.

Necro thread. All I see are zombies everywhere, it's like the motherfucking walking dead in here!