Why do some NTs rely on feelings so much?

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SuSaNnA
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21 Jun 2019, 11:22 am

Thank you so much for all the very educated responses! It's very eye opening!

BTDT wrote:
NT women especially, obtain a lot of information about you from how you dress. It is logical deduction to assume that if are fashionably dressed, you have the time and money to keep track of the latest fashions, and dress accordingly. Someone struggling to get by can't do that.

Really? But what if it isn't quite accurate?
Like, I noticed that I prefer different colors depending on the weather, but I am still me-- the same person, right? Regardless of what color I wear?



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21 Jun 2019, 11:32 am

Someone may ask questions to better understand you.

That is a pretty dress, where did you get it? A reply of Nordstrom may elicit an entirely different opinion than the thrift shop.

Similarly, people only ask "what school did you graduate?" when they think you are well educated. You may have heard about the admissions scandal. It makes a difference to some whether you graduated from Cornell or Central Connecticut.



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21 Jun 2019, 2:04 pm

Because not every man is a Descartes - in fact, even Descartes himself wasn't, though he believed he was, as all "rationalists" do.

To suppose that all knowledge/judgement can be based on reason alone is a category mistake, and one I've noticed aspies are particularly vulnerable to.

The error of rationalism is also the cause of a great deal of the interpersonal evil in the world - from the simple thug up to (and especially) the genocidal dictator. If you don't understand how this is so, then read Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment and Devils for the respective answers.



Last edited by Prometheus18 on 21 Jun 2019, 2:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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21 Jun 2019, 2:08 pm

I'll buy a sweater just because it looks pretty. Why not? So what if I already have two dozen sweaters.



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21 Jun 2019, 2:48 pm

quite an extreme wrote:
dyadiccounterpoint wrote:
When I looked into her eyes and really paid attention, I felt like I could see signs of annoyance and embarrassment.


Once you are looking at the point between their eyes you get the peoples mood and several emotions towards others. That why you should learn to do it. NT people are totally emotional driven. People prevent eye contact once they don't want you to read them as accurately. Some people get even annoyed once you do it longer then only few seconds and they dislike you watching them. I'm able to fake my mood and also able to stop feeling a mood at all. This cuts the emotional feedback of my eyes. I did this for trying and watched a women in their eyes once. She looked quite fast disgusted away because she thought me being heavily drunken or stoned because she got no emotional feedback of me at all. But I was just playing a little bit. :mrgreen:



Quite an extreme I think that you have made a special interest out of teasing women lol :D


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quite an extreme
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21 Jun 2019, 3:13 pm

Teach51 wrote:
Quite an extreme I think that you have made a special interest out of teasing women lol :D


It could be worse. ;) :mrgreen: But why not playing with such kind of stuff as long as nobody is hurt?
OK, a hidden camera would be nice in some of the situations. :twisted:


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21 Jun 2019, 5:07 pm

quite an extreme wrote:
Edna3362 wrote:
Too bad it didn't last.


I can relate to this. It's really hard to find the switch. It seems to be a hidden anxiety and mistrust issue of early childhood thats deep in the brain. Sorry for you. Please don't give up.

Hmmm...

Tried to probe as deep as that.
.. Somehow, there is a 'something'. Fumbled a string like 'something' and there was a 'twang'.


Guess another thing for me to rule out. Thanks for the hint.

Funnier still that I had such state, on random, usually waking up refreshed as opposed to most mornings and lasts for days. I'd also wanna rule out more out things related to this, better safe than sorry. :twisted:


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22 Jun 2019, 2:30 am

quite an extreme wrote:
Teach51 wrote:
Quite an extreme I think that you have made a special interest out of teasing women lol :D


It could be worse. ;) :mrgreen: But why not playing with such kind of stuff as long as nobody is hurt?
OK, a hidden camera would be nice in some of the situations. :twisted:



Are you sure no-one is getting hurt?
You seem to be a sweet guy so I am sure that you have no intentions to hurt anybody. You have been blessed with the capacity to have fun which is a great gift.

Let me talk about myself as an allistic.

If someone who is a good friend or family member plays a joke on me or teases me I usually take it in good humour because we have a history of shared experiences and know each other intimately. We have been through good times and terrible times together. There is a large mutual investment in the virtual bank of emotions.
I'll give an example: My son, who is the father of two sons of his own, loves teasing me. He is a bit like you in that respect. He has ADHD and is so impulsive that it's terrifying.
One day he came to visit. I took the elevator down to help him with the kids and when I reached the lobby the elevator doors wouldn't open. Talk about panic. Maybe 10 seconds passed and my heart started palpitating and I felt faint with fear. My son was keeping the doors closed because it seemed a hilarious thing to do to his mother. When he eventually released the door I was too distressed to respond. I have lived with this behaviour all his life and nothing will stop it. Because he is a good son and we love each other immensely I can get over it. The incident with the elevator has left an emotional scar. I sometimes (not always) get claustrophobic and feel panicky in an elevator. If a stranger had played such a trick I would have gone straight to the police because it is an abuse of my autonomy and boundaries. An act of violence.

Imo tricks played on loved ones are displays of affection and are part of an intimate, shared history though sometimes backfire. Tricks played on strangers are acts of violence or less harshly put violation of boundaries in some cases.

I have to ask you a question extreme, is teasing women the way that you begin flirting with them? This reminds me of elementary school when boys would pull girls hair to get attention, are you still doing that? :D


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22 Jun 2019, 4:47 am

Teach51 wrote:
I sometimes (not always) get claustrophobic and feel panicky in an elevator. If a stranger had played such a trick I would have gone straight to the police because it is an abuse of my autonomy and boundaries. An act of violence.

Sorry to hear that. Hope you get over this soon. The problem that you can't is that you are still remembering your own feelings in the elevator only. The more often you do this the more your anxieties about such situations grow. For this try please stop this but try to take the view of somebody who is totally outside but watches the situation. There is a boy holding the door closed just for tricking his mother. But his mother is totally panicking without there is any reason. The only thing why dhe does is that she doesn't even knows that there is no reason to panicking because it's only her son who is holding the door closed and of course it will open again. Once you are the next time starting to becoming claustrophobic try to rember the outside view and calm down. May be that there is just somebody tricking you again or there is just a little defekt and somebody will help you really soon even if that time seems long to you. Our anxieties are always our biggest enemy. For this do never let them grow.

Teach51 wrote:
I have to ask you a question extreme, is teasing women the way that you begin flirting with them? This reminds me of elementary school when boys would pull girls hair to get attention, are you still doing that? :D


Of course not. I'm a little bit to old for this. (Of course it would be fun sometimes. ;) :mrgreen: ) I'm just interested in the mental way that people are and playing a bit with things I never did. But I'm not into hurting people as long as they aren't trying to act against me. Not even emotionally. Just towards people who are acting against me I'm rarely nice. :twisted: It's just the way that I am.


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22 Jun 2019, 5:11 am

quite an extreme wrote:
Teach51 wrote:
I sometimes (not always) get claustrophobic and feel panicky in an elevator. If a stranger had played such a trick I would have gone straight to the police because it is an abuse of my autonomy and boundaries. An act of violence.

Sorry to hear that. Hope you get over this soon. The problem that you can't is that you are still remembering your own feelings in the elevator only. The more often you do this the more your anxieties about such situations grow. For this try please stop this but try to take the view of somebody who is totally outside but watches the situation. There is a boy holding the door closed just for tricking his mother. But his mother is totally panicking without there is any reason. The only thing why dhe does is that she doesn't even knows that there is no reason to panicking because it's only her son who is holding the door closed and of course it will open again. Once you are the next time starting to becoming claustrophobic try to rember the outside view and calm down. May be that there is just somebody tricking you again or there is just a little defekt and somebody will help you really soon even if that time seems long to you. Our anxieties are always our biggest enemy. For this do never let them grow.

Teach51 wrote:
I have to ask you a question extreme, is teasing women the way that you begin flirting with them? This reminds me of elementary school when boys would pull girls hair to get attention, are you still doing that? :D


Of course not. I'm a little bit to old for this. (Of course it would be fun sometimes. ;) :mrgreen: ) I'm just interested in the mental way that people are and playing a bit with things I never did. But I'm not into hurting people as long as they aren't trying to act against me. Not even emotionally. Just towards people who are acting against me I'm rarely nice. :twisted: It's just the way that I am.



Hi extreme, the point is I didn't know it was my son preventing the elevator doors from opening, I thought it was a technical fault.

I totally agree that we should not be nice to those who hurt us, the opposite, make it very clear that it's not worth their while messing with "the teach" or "the extreme".

Many people would envy your ability to have fun. It's the only way to deal with the absurdities that life brings us so good for you!! !


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25 Jun 2019, 2:28 am

thanks


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26 Jun 2019, 2:47 am

suryacin wrote:
thanks


You are welcome.



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26 Jun 2019, 4:57 am

TheOther wrote:
Here is the deal.

Our brains evolved over millions of years to process information and make snap decisions in largely life or death situations. This has been true for all of animal (let alone human) history until maybe 500-200 years ago!

Oh, come on! You can observe stone-age people even today, and they live in groups for mutual protection. Lethal threats are very rare - usually one just has to settle minor differences with relatives.

People rely on feelings because logic is just too slow by orders of magnitude. It can take me years to come up with an obvious explanation for odd behaviour, if those were not my habits. Most people never even learn to use logic, and can't distinguish rationality from rationalization. Approximately 10% of professionals really understand their work. The rest are just faking it, like a student taking guesses on a test and trying to find the answers through other associations. I knew an artist who got a job as a taxi driver. He thought he should drive fast, but he crashed because he didn't know how to do it well.



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26 Jun 2019, 5:21 am

the late allen funt [a closet aspie IMHO, along with his sister, a shrink- both had PhDs in psych] loved picking fun of the foibles of NTs in his radio and TV programs. he would have a lot to say about this were he still with us.



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27 Jun 2019, 9:04 am

Dear_one wrote:
TheOther wrote:
Here is the deal.

Our brains evolved over millions of years to process information and make snap decisions in largely life or death situations. This has been true for all of animal (let alone human) history until maybe 500-200 years ago!

Oh, come on! You can observe stone-age people even today, and they live in groups for mutual protection. Lethal threats are very rare - usually one just has to settle minor differences with relatives.

People rely on feelings because logic is just too slow by orders of magnitude. It can take me years to come up with an obvious explanation for odd behavior, if those were not my habits. Most people never even learn to use logic, and can't distinguish rationality from rationalization. Approximately 10% of professionals really understand their work. The rest are just faking it, like a student taking guesses on a test and trying to find the answers through other associations. I knew an artist who got a job as a taxi driver. He thought he should drive fast, but he crashed because he didn't know how to do it well.


A lot of these traits predate humans, and even mammals! I observe insects killing each other every day, and see plenty of cats and foxes kill mice and birds all of the time. We live in an artificial world of safety that is very modern, and the veil is thin. Not to mention we still see plenty of deadly tribal conflicts today too. Rwanda and Darfur come to mind immediately. In fact, to this very day it is the exception that people of different 'tribes' get along well, especially on first contact.

The reason emotions are faster than logic is because they represent pre-rendered solutions to problems. They already exist, whereas any logical answer to a problem requires the creation of a solution before a solution can be executed. Having pre-rendered solutions is very useful in fast-paced situations! This preference for snap judgement over careful thought exists for a reason. It was self-filtered out via survivor of life's problems, especially in the less civilized past.



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27 Jun 2019, 9:08 am

quite an extreme wrote:
Teach51 wrote:
Quite an extreme I think that you have made a special interest out of teasing women lol :D


It could be worse. ;) :mrgreen: But why not playing with such kind of stuff as long as nobody is hurt?
OK, a hidden camera would be nice in some of the situations. :twisted:


You are definitely causing people harm and distress. When you stare at a women like that, they feel like you might want to hurt them. How would you feel if someone pointed a gun at you just to laugh at your facial expression?