Why do I mostly hear negative stories about social skills?

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Hollywood_Guy
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04 Jul 2019, 4:58 pm

IstominFan wrote:
I have many positive social experiences now. I have made friends at the various activities in which I participate and am generally well-liked at work. However, I have not yet experienced success on the love and dating aspect of my life. This may be the one area that may not happen for me until I'm at least in my 60s. I have a lot of experience to make up and I still have a way to go in accomplishing adult milestones.


I like many older women.



JustFoundHere
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05 Jul 2019, 11:43 am

Fireblossom wrote:
When I studied customer service, my teacher always said that a satisfied customer will tell of the experience to three others, but unsatisfied will tell it to ten. Could be the same here; the need to let out steam when things go wrong is greater than the desire to share the feeling of succes.


Spot on!



IstominFan
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07 Jul 2019, 2:43 pm

I have noticed, even when positive reviews dominate, there is always one crank who hates everything. A good review would start positively, offer concrete suggestions for improvement and end on a positive note. I have had both perfect experiences and perfect disasters as far as service went, but I was never nasty about it. I have also had experiences in which service was wildly inconsistent in the same organization and I addressed this issue with them.



hurley4456
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07 Jul 2019, 11:49 pm

Hollywood_Guy wrote:
BenderRodriguez wrote:
There are. But people who are struggling are posting more, looking for advice, support etc.

At least in the L&D some of the regulars used to react to "success stories" with extreme hostility, envy and anger, sometimes even accusing people of bragging or lying. Also, advice from people who are actually in good relationships, encouragement and practical recommendations are often rejected in favour of negative echo-chambers :?


I sympathize with the struggle to get a partner or find a date, that's why I posted this, I'm reckoning that I might be more "doomed" than I thought after all.

For the bitterness and anger of some of us about dating, I blame Tinder and social networking.


I agree...Tinder and other dating apps have created a huge supply/demand issue. You'll notice that men tend to swipe "right" at a much higher percentage than woman. Woman naturally have to be selective based on a biological need for survival of their offspring. Exhibiting more options only creates higher standards, which causes them to reciprocate predominately to very attractive men. Also, social media has facilitated a population of validation seekers, which ironically lowers self esteem because the expectation must continually expand to yield positive output (thank you dopamine). If you add the cosmetic industry into the equation, the problem escalates further. By spending countless hours applying makeup to enhance the perception of attraction, the number of options inevitably increase which in turn increases standards. Further, by focusing on your own defects for a longer duration, it would make sense that you could tune in on others defects at a higher frequency.

Now, personality does matter but not in the extend that many proclaim. The way I view it, we have a set of elements of potential mates dictated by our level of subjective attraction on a global scale. The more universally attractive someone is, the more elements would exist within the set. Therefore, attraction is the pre-condition and primary means of attaining success. Personality, however, dictates whether you can maintain the elements within the set. So, if you have an unappealing personality in respect to some elements within the set, then the set will condense based on element quantity. Since autism/aspergers leads to social issues and social value tends to be an important aspect to a potential relationship, it follows that the number of elements will inevitably reduce. The key for someone with autism/ASD is to expand their area of influence/observation. That is, if more paths are encountered in global space, then the probability of matching with a complimentary element is much higher. Therefore, introversion and avoidant behavior can really negatively reduce the possibility for a potential match.



Hollywood_Guy
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09 Jul 2019, 9:54 pm

hurley4456 wrote:
Hollywood_Guy wrote:
BenderRodriguez wrote:
There are. But people who are struggling are posting more, looking for advice, support etc.

At least in the L&D some of the regulars used to react to "success stories" with extreme hostility, envy and anger, sometimes even accusing people of bragging or lying. Also, advice from people who are actually in good relationships, encouragement and practical recommendations are often rejected in favour of negative echo-chambers :?


I sympathize with the struggle to get a partner or find a date, that's why I posted this, I'm reckoning that I might be more "doomed" than I thought after all.

For the bitterness and anger of some of us about dating, I blame Tinder and social networking.


I agree...Tinder and other dating apps have created a huge supply/demand issue. You'll notice that men tend to swipe "right" at a much higher percentage than woman. Woman naturally have to be selective based on a biological need for survival of their offspring. Exhibiting more options only creates higher standards, which causes them to reciprocate predominately to very attractive men. Also, social media has facilitated a population of validation seekers, which ironically lowers self esteem because the expectation must continually expand to yield positive output (thank you dopamine). If you add the cosmetic industry into the equation, the problem escalates further. By spending countless hours applying makeup to enhance the perception of attraction, the number of options inevitably increase which in turn increases standards. Further, by focusing on your own defects for a longer duration, it would make sense that you could tune in on others defects at a higher frequency.

Now, personality does matter but not in the extend that many proclaim. The way I view it, we have a set of elements of potential mates dictated by our level of subjective attraction on a global scale. The more universally attractive someone is, the more elements would exist within the set. Therefore, attraction is the pre-condition and primary means of attaining success. Personality, however, dictates whether you can maintain the elements within the set. So, if you have an unappealing personality in respect to some elements within the set, then the set will condense based on element quantity. Since autism/aspergers leads to social issues and social value tends to be an important aspect to a potential relationship, it follows that the number of elements will inevitably reduce. The key for someone with autism/ASD is to expand their area of influence/observation. That is, if more paths are encountered in global space, then the probability of matching with a complimentary element is much higher. Therefore, introversion and avoidant behavior can really negatively reduce the possibility for a potential match.


This is going to make some people upset, and I don't know if this works as I imagine, but a better model for me personally may be more like a friends-with-benefits without the personality aspect strings attached, but otherwise is platonic.



hurley4456
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10 Jul 2019, 9:43 am

BenderRodriguez wrote:
There are a few people here who are convinced that most if not all of their problems (including depression) will go away if they find a partner :?

Some I think just want to be "normal"...

I'm nowhere near "normal", never been, never will be. I have a wife and kids and no, it's not the only thing that gave me fulfilment, not by a far stretch.

So the answer would be: I have no idea, dude :)


Normality is relative to your preconcieved impression of your area of observation. If you live in a emply white room for life's entitety, you'll have a limited frame of reference for such an opinion to develop. If the world lacked uniqueness, then there would exist much less progression. We all have a unique strength to offer that expands the domain of possibilities.

It then follows that the merging of strengths can magnify a positive outcome. Also, a strength coupled with a weakness allows for convergence to occur...meaning the weakness tends toward a potential strength (given sufficient time). For this reason, finding a complimentary partner would help facilitate balance, which can potentiate optimism and rid depressive episodes.



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10 Jul 2019, 11:38 am

Not everyone gets early intervention and is able to receive services as a result



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10 Jul 2019, 11:39 am

green0star wrote:
Not everyone gets early intervention and is able to receive services as a result.
Not everyone wants and appreciates intervention, either.


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10 Jul 2019, 11:54 am

Fnord wrote:
green0star wrote:
Not everyone gets early intervention and is able to receive services as a result.
Not everyone wants and appreciates intervention, either.


I mean is all "intervention" ABA or something??? I thought it was more like counseling sessions where they tell you about how social interaction works



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10 Jul 2019, 6:24 pm

green0star wrote:
I mean is all "intervention" ABA or something??? I thought it was more like counseling sessions where they tell you about how social interaction works

It's kinda hard to have "counseling sessions" with a 2-year-old, especially a 2-year-old who can't talk yet. The only possibilities for "early" intervention, besides ABA, are speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, and various kinds of play therapy. In at least some places, perhaps most places, ABA is the only "early intervention" therapy that gets covered by insurance -- or so I've heard.


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10 Jul 2019, 7:29 pm

JustFoundHere wrote:
I've advocated here on WP to enlist those experienced with HFA (that also includes thoughtful NTs) to broker efforts to encourage friendships. From the lack of responses here on WP, I sense that such proactive, concrete approaches towards developing friendships seems interpreted as too much "outside of the box." Does anybody else feel the same?

Could you be a bit more specific about what you mean by "broker efforts to encourage friendships"?


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- Long history of participation in various oddball subcultures.
- My "Getting to know each other" thread: Hello from NYC.


JustFoundHere
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11 Jul 2019, 5:26 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
JustFoundHere wrote:
I've advocated here on WP to enlist those experienced with HFA (that also includes thoughtful NTs) to broker efforts to encourage friendships. From the lack of responses here on WP, I sense that such proactive, concrete approaches towards developing friendships seems interpreted as too much "outside of the box." Does anybody else feel the same?

Could you be a bit more specific about what you mean by "broker efforts to encourage friendships"?


The term "broker efforts to encourage friendships" can appear confusing/misleading. The term "encourage friendships" simplifies.

As I've mentioned here on WP, enlisting people experienced with HFA (that is professional experiences AND/OR personal experiences with HFA) can be beneficial in encouraging friendships. Can (AANE) Autism Asperger NEtwork resource be a potential model for such efforts?