Officially NOT Autistic

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Well I've finally gone and gotten tested. It's taken over a month and included a personal history interview, an autism questionnaire interview and then an IQ/cognition test.
I could tell that my specialist was leaning towards some sort of anxiety disorder or an anxiety disorder plus autism. So her official diagnosis today was generalised anxiety disorder and most likely no autistic spectrum disorder. She showed me a triangle of the 3 factors I would need to classify as autistic.
In social communication and language development she said it was a no because my Mum told her I developed language at 12 months or even a bit earlier and spoke very clearly but then went selectively mute until about 18 months. But that very selective use of language has stayed with me until today.
In social and emotional interaction she said I 100% ticked the box for autism (but also social anxiety and that the two are often overlapped).
And I was kind of hit and miss with imagination and flexibility of thought. I did use my imagination during childhood play and I'm apparently very creative. And while she did see some rigidity of thought there was also some level of flexibility. So she said that one was kind of a grey area.

To be honest it doesn't feel too bad. She was very open about her theories during the whole process so I had time to get used to the idea of not being autistic after wondering and ticking boxes for nearly a decade. Don't get me wrong, I kind of invested in it emotionally and let it form part of my sense of self but most of that was probably just out of relief at finding a condition that made a lot of things make sense. And it's been really amazing getting to talk to people here since I've joined. I don't think I'll be going anywhere. Even when I first joined this site I knew it wasn't just for people with an ASD. So I hope you guys are still welcoming of another anxious non-NT

What's going to be harder to accept and reconcile was the results of the IQ/cognition test. I went into it thinking I'd be maybe above average in some areas (I've always been told I'm good with art and writing/being creative in general) but then I was really worried I'd be below average, maybe even well below average, with things like short term or working memory because I feel like a damn goldfish sometimes. But that all that would average out to being around average, maybe even a little above average. This would also make the most sense because I consistently got good grades in art and writing in school but average to below average in everything else.
I won't give what I think the exact score was (I forgot exactly and she hasn't emailed me the final report yet) but yeah, turns out it's in the "gifted" range. In mental processing speed in particular I was above 99% of the population. I just don't get it. She could tell I probably wasn't enthusiastic and she said something like "well I think that this is at least some good news today" and I tried to explain, yeah it's great news but I just don't feel it. I just doesn't seem right. So despite everything I'd assumed about myself over recent years, I'm not autistic but I am well above average in intelligence. How can a 35 year old man not know themselves properly to this extreme? And why didn't I do well in school?
She told me that for someone in my mid 30's it wasn't that uncommon for things like this (anxiety, giftedness) to go under the radar back then. Especially given that I was a quiet student and so I just didn't give my teachers any trouble. If both had been picked up I'd have been given CBT for anxiety and a special education for giftedness. She did say that hopefully being aware of this intelligence now inspires me to use it in some way. I'm hoping that will happen but I'll probably be a little annoyed and regretful at nearly half my life going by without knowing any of this. But I can definitely see how this is good news overall. I'm a little sad to know I'm not on the same spectrum as many of you awesome people but I'm hoping with a better understanding of myself I can move forward to better things

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Wish you well! Maybe you can find something to do with your newly discovered abilities!

Maybe, you are not diagnosed with Asperger's but you still may be on the spectrum with Asperger traits.

It is interesting. From what you've said though, there must be similarities witn anxiety and autism. I spoke tree words I copied from the TV at a very early age but I then didn't speak at all until about the average age for learning to speak. Something I have known from childhood all the way up to my adulthood is that I am very clingy to my Mum and she is actually quite clingy to me. Not in a way that I couldn't transfer my clingyness to a future wife... Since doing some research into faceblindness (Prosoprognosia) which my Mum and I get, along with mirror blindness where I, and my Mum both had to really learn which side of the reflected image is which... As it didn't come naturally... I found out that a common trait of prosoprognosia is what I get, in that in school I was very quiet and always homesick. Yet at home I would open out a bit more and regain my confidence. Aparently this is due to the faceblindness... As I am struggling to make sense of peoples faces and at home it is easy as I expected to see my parents there and my brother etc... It is a type of fear... Umm. How can I explain... Ok... Here is an explanation. When I was a teenager, I had my own beautiful cat. She was very clingy to me and we got on soo well together. The other cats would do their own thing, but my cat would usually be with me or somewhere nearby. She was a tortoise shell cat with little white front paws. Now I had a fear (I know that the Lord will soon sort this out when I get there) that when my lovely cat dies and goes into Heaven and I also get there, I may lose her in amongst hundreds of other tortoise shell cats and not be able to pick her out! That is an example of prosoprognosia and how it effects people.
As a child and also as an adult, I am always very concerned that I know where my mother is if she goes shopping. I try to stay close to her. Why? Because if we should seperate, and I lose track of where she is, the chances of finding her in a sea of people are slim, and as she also gets the same issue she may struggle to find me too! This is probably the main reason why we tend to be clingy. It is to make sure we don't lose each other in a crowd.
My Mum had a hillarious shock once. She had been dating my Dad for a while and they were certainly an item. My Mum saw him when she was shopping at a neighbouring village so she went up and kissed him... Only to find out it was not who she thought it was... And not only that, the guy who she kissed was someone who my Dad did not get along with as they had both had a fight in their teenage years! The poor guy felt very awkward too as he didn't want any trouble either! Things like that are typical of living ones life witn faceblindness. (It was following a youtube link where I saw that there was a strong link between prosoprognosia and the autistic spectrum).
Question... Just out of curiosity. Did you have people come up to you and tell you that they thought you had asperges or autism? Or did you believe you may have it because of how you felt and reacted in daily life? Also, anxiety... Is it something you have always had?

Thanks everybody for replies, well wishes etc. Mountain Goat, I can see how that would be concerning, you and a loved one who both have face blindness potentially losing each other in a crowd!

I may call you Dan_Diagnosed
Is fascinating.. I may find I have the same as you. I just don't know. Did you get shutdowns? This is the main reason what I have been trying to trace for all these years. I called them energy loss as I would suddenly go weak and limp and would usually end up on the floor! Had these from about the age of six or seven onwards. (Having to correct my typing as I kept hitting the wrong letters!)
I believe them to be partial shutdowns. If they are not, then I am back to square one again.

It doesn’t mean you can’t be a member here.

There are many folks here who are “officially NOT autistic.”

You might have been PPD-NOS under the DSM-IV.

Having a autistic personality traits, social communication issues, anxiety, etc ... is still a burden. The good news is that you are gifted and can use your talents to make changes in your life. You should be extremely pleased with yourself. You had the courage to go for an evaluation and accept the results. I hope we can hear how you are progressing and overcoming the obstacles of modern life.

The "autism triangle" seems a bit odd to me.
I thought, Asperger's Syndrome is all about autism with (more or less) "normal" language development.
On the other hand, the triangle does not give any thought to sensory issues.

With 100% autistic social profile and no other autistic traits, I would guess the Social Communication Disorder would be the fitting diagnosis.

Dan,

You sound a lot like me. I have never been formally diagnosed, but scored 28 on the AQ test online, placing me in the category of "Broad Autistic Phenotype" on the borderline of NT/AS. I do have some core Asperger traits: intense and unusual special interests, anxiety and occasional panic attacks.