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kraftiekortie
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31 Jul 2019, 7:06 pm

People have a tendency to think I'm more the "clerk" type than the "teacher" type. That gets me upset sometimes.

That's how the people in the library where I work think of me.

They like me----but I'm sort of a "mascot."



naturalplastic
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01 Aug 2019, 9:46 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
To answer the question, I think overestimating is worse. The overestimating person might set expectations so high that you will always feel like a failure or disappointment. I think we've all been there with our autism, masking and jumping through hoops for other people before burning out. They're both bad though.


In my life people generally overestimate my ability in the areas where I'm weak, and they underestimate the areas where I excel. People have often misjudged or misunderstood me, from school teachers to friends to employers.

This.



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01 Aug 2019, 10:34 am

For me overestimation is worse. It puts pressure on me. Some people overestimate my social skills because of the way I look. They are really surprised when I don't talk right away or I talk about the same thing over and over. However when someone underestimates me it also sucks but not as much. I had a teacher who underestimated my reading ability so they would pull me aside to read with me, in grade 6. I proved I could read well when I read a part of it. I still needed help but not that much help. At least if someone underestimates you, you can prove you can do it. If you are overestimated it just adds pressure and it sucks to prove that you cant do something



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01 Aug 2019, 10:45 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
People have a tendency to think I'm more the "clerk" type than the "teacher" type. That gets me upset sometimes.

That's how the people in the library where I work think of me.

They like me----but I'm sort of a "mascot."


There's nothing wrong with being a clerk. My paternal grandfather was a higher clerical officer for the GPO.


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kraftiekortie
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01 Aug 2019, 11:15 am

I know....but there are the snobbish ones who look down on clerks.

I tend to disregard those folks.



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01 Aug 2019, 3:35 pm

Well, both certainly have notable downsides. I've been underestimated and overestimated.

Underestimation can lead to a lack of self-worth, feeling hopeless, not attempting things out of a fear of failure. Or alternatively someone who is underestimated might go out of their way to prove themselves, looking for approval from others. If they fail, this could be harder to accept. When someone tightly ties their sense of self to their accomplishments, making mistakes might led to them think that they are a bad human being.

When I was younger, I was often underestimated. I wanted more than anything to prove people wrong, because I secretly wanted their praise. Back then, I thought that if I could convince those who held me down that I was worthy of approval, then in turn that would mean that I could prove to myself that I wasn't all that bad.

Unfortunately, this backfired. When I put in my best efforts and was still met with unimpressed peers, it whittled away my confidence. Instead, a sense of self-hatred gradually grew. Most of my emotions numbed. I kept up with activities I never truly cared for, because I wanted to hear anything positive, it didn't matter what is was. Just anything to convince myself that I wasn't worthless like my school counsellor had said. Her words were like a slow poison, they seemed to seep deeper into my mind overtime, killing my spirit gradually.

If you're constantly underestimated, you can start to believe that it is true. Sometimes this can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, where you scold yourself for being bad at something but you're bad at it because you avoid it. You avoid it because you think what's the point when I'm clearly going to fail? Rinse and repeat. It's a destructive negative cycle to be stuck in.

Overestimation can lead to not getting the help and support you need. Someone who is overestimated may feel frustrated at themselves for struggling with something which others deem within their capability. With high expectations comes a lot of pressure and stress. An overestimated person may struggle to relax, constantly believing that they should be doing better. They might feel like a disappointment, failure, or an impostor.

My learning issues were put down to laziness, sometimes I was even mocked for this. I felt a sense of shame/embarrassment and came up with sneaky methods of trying to hide the fact that I was struggling. This became increasingly more difficult overtime as the learning gap widened. I could no longer hide my silly mistakes, and sometimes this meant the whole class was held back as well. This did not help my popularity.

So, I fudged it a lot of the time. In my science lessons, we sometimes had to do workings out at the end of class. No one could leave until we had all finished. I didn't want to use a calculator because I didn't want to be judged by others for turning to one for such simple questions. Sometimes I'd pick up a spare book (for instance, a workbook for someone who wasn't in class that day, or an older version of my workbook) and I'd hand that in with the rest of the books and hopefully leave before they realised. By doing so, I had more time at home to work through it, and I didn't have to be public enemy number one at school (which I would've been if I'd spent the time doing it in class, keeping everyone behind). Other times I just wrote in random numbers, and dealt with my teacher's annoyance the next lesson. :P I was careful not to pull the book switch trick too many times, in case they caught on. Keeping consistent but changing it up enough to seem natural was the key to tricking teachers. :wink:

I felt alone, and wondered if I was stupid. Every so often I saw myself as a hopeless failure. Similar to how I felt when I was underestimated, albeit for different reasons.

Personally, I'd say that being underestimated took the worst toll on my mental health. Whereas being overestimated affected my academic development the most. If a teacher overestimates my knowledge on a subject, and leaves me to my own devices I might fall behind if I'm not careful. Or if I'm mistaken for lazy when it's actually a learning issue, then I don't get the support that could've benefited me. However, the overestimation did lead to mental issues as well such as stress, self-doubt and negativity.

I think that anecdotally being underestimated has been the worst. But being overestimated isn't great either.


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DanielW
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01 Aug 2019, 3:48 pm

I would think BOTH of them equally bad.



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01 Aug 2019, 3:59 pm

kraftiekortie,

I can't even get a clerking job. I'm still just a page and probably always will be.



BenderRodriguez
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01 Aug 2019, 4:05 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
To answer the question, I think overestimating is worse. The overestimating person might set expectations so high that you will always feel like a failure or disappointment. I think we've all been there with our autism, masking and jumping through hoops for other people before burning out. They're both bad though.


In my life people generally overestimate my ability in the areas where I'm weak, and they underestimate the areas where I excel. People have often misjudged or misunderstood me, from school teachers to friends to employers.

This.


Same experience here. To simplify, if I have to choose I prefer being underestimated, at least have a chance.


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kraftiekortie
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01 Aug 2019, 5:19 pm

IstominFan:

I'm called a "library clerk"---but my responsibilities are exactly the same as yours. I man the circulation desk. I shelve books.

You probably do clerkly things, too----like giving new patrons barcodes---which requires creating a new account--which requires typing.



DemophobicKlingon
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02 Aug 2019, 5:27 am

Both of them can be negative in their own ways, but I have been underestimated more than overestimated, even though people have done both with me.

I find just something about people assuming you are not as capable, not as intelligent as you actually are based on assumption is something that hits a nerve with me, because I've experienced it since I was little. We can prove those people wrong,especially in areas we excel.


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02 Aug 2019, 9:54 am

Underestimation for sure is worse.


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03 Aug 2019, 4:54 am

There are times when I cultivate being underestimated. This gives me an advantage.

Other times, I put on an act to show off a bit. But, I do not like doing it and usually walk it back.

My preference is to be a mystery and confuse people. To quote a past president, "Don't misunderestimate me."


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Edna3362
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03 Aug 2019, 6:04 am

Either. Neither. Both at the same time.
It depends. :|

I can take advantage of either/both.
Yet either/both can just hurt all the same.


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livingwithautism
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04 Aug 2019, 1:08 pm

I've had both.



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05 Aug 2019, 11:12 am

I think being overestimated is worse because I have been there and it's horrible to deal with. Everyone acts like you are a troll or something and get mad at you when you don't understand things. You get hostility. At least when people underestimate you, they treat you with kindness and are patient with you and helpful. The only downside is not being given enough credit and people thinking you won't be able to do this or that. You may also feel everyone is treating you like you are stupid like you wouldn't know what "I need you to put each salt and pepper shaker set on each table we are eating at. This is a set and this is a set" means as if you wouldn't know what a salt and pepper shaker set is. :roll:


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