Autism has destroyed my life

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My life is in ruin. All that ive done are plagued by mental desease.
Nothing is real in my life but sever mental disease.
Im nothing.

Yep, autism is s**t, although it doesn't deny the fact that you are a good person, and it doesn't make you nothing. But I understand how you feel though. I wish I was born as an NT like the vast majority of people in my family.

Me 2, waking up every day and just want to die

Yes I agree. Autism is s**t, and whats even more s**t is how it affects the way you behave, which leads to people thinking you're weird or a bad person which leads to even more s**t.

One of my biggest issues is how slowly I develop mentally. There are things I wish I knew were inappropriate when I was in my young to mid teens, because had I have not been delayed or if I had been more neurotypical I would have been able to avoid these things. Now they haunt me and make me feel like a bad person despite talking to the person involved and completely clearing the air.

It still happens even to this day, I feel like i'm still 15 but i'm actually 24. I misunderstand everyone and I feel like i'm on a totally different wavelength.

Constantly trying to mask to make sure i'm not behaving or coming across like a 15 year old exhausts me, and when I'm too tired to mask, people dont like me or I come across weird.

Ontop of that, I have crippling OCD, anxiety and dyslexia.

My sensory issues are horrible. If it's too hot I just can't cope and want to disappear, I hate being hugged, held and touched which is difficult when you've got a significant other who you already feel like you can't please.

When my significant other wants to go out and do things, I need days or hours at the very least to try plan it in my mind. It's just like everything is way harder than it appears to be for everyone else.

Currently I am completely f****d again, I just moved again (my 11. movement) into a house with a woman who is a widow, she is 48 and I thought it could work out, but she smokes nonstop cigarettes and now drinking again, I feel very very uncomfortable with her, cause she don's speaks a thing, she is a very nice person, but has huge problems and is not willing to do a dime of thing to change something.

Also I still have not found an occupation which fits my needs and keeps me motivated for over 2 months or I will get fired in that time, cause of incompatibility with coworkers or bosses and social interaction s**t things.

People are so dumb, we are all f*****g ape kids, yelling, running and playing around, without any clue about what we are really doing or who we are serving.
That is the biggest problem in the world currently, blindness.

And when you, as a clear, focused and seeing man saying that the others are just wrong, they just exclude you from their circle, it is like in kindergarten.
Nothing every will change on this planet, that is life, that is all a script, the paths are predefined, but there are paths and that is what people not understand, when they mean they got it, cause they think what Karma means, but in truth, they have not get how it works.
Cause Karma is nothing you can archive in this life, you already got it or not, but not in this life and any action which you do in that life, you will not get a direct Karma answer, cause Karma is always for the next life, the sum of your actions and decisions you made in your last life.

As Buddhists say that you are on the highest possible reborn state when you are a human I often think about what did I do wrong in my former life's to have now this Autism spectrum 'disability', which primary for me is not a disability at all, because if you see clear, as I do, Autism is the next generation human, which has the capability to live peaceful without need of weapons, cruelty, lies, disharmony and pressure to seek for something somewhere in the future (which is the other blindness in the white world).
Because we are always in the here and now, truly, honest and peaceful to any being and our environment.


So this world we have to live in is fake, it is not what god wanted for humans on this planet.
We currently live in medieval century, controlled by Monopols and interest groups, in our minds, in our food, in our daily habits, complete controlled and the control just started to begin.

But I think the current people need this control, otherwise they would all hack and slay their selves with any weapon they can find, because that is what they supposed to do since they are on earth, if they can not find a solution for their problems they made, they just starting a war and wiping a few millions away, to get again more space and start another insanity.

We as humans did not have another solution for our self made problems than war, that is a historic fact and i am very pleased to see again a wipe, to destroy the current mindset.
This is also what a swedish professor was saying live in french/german television arte and he was very young for a prof, about 35, so he is one of the smartest in his Environment.


Coming back to me, have no fun to live on the countryside or in my country anymore, thinking about getting away with a backpack and living on the way and in the mountains

Good day!!