I'm happy with who I am.

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I'll preface the following by saying that I'm not anti-NT. It's a fact: There are wonderful NT people in the world as well as wonderful NT people that I know and have known personally. I'm married to one such NT person.

That being said, I don't recall having ever had a desire to be NT.
Even before I knew the difference between NT and ND and before I was diagnosed with autism as an adult, when I was a child I did NOT have a desire to be like everyone else.

"They" were the kids that didn't understand me, that laughed at me, bullied me, etc. They were the teenagers that were superficial, overly emotional, illogical and stuck up. They're the adults that think things that don't interest me are important. They're the adults that make rules and laws in never ending ways to try to seemingly control as many aspects of my life as possible when I'm not hurting another soul and am perfectly fine living my own life. Their priorities are not the same as my priorities. I could go on and on and on.

Also, I have always enjoyed interacting with people that are like me. As a child, they were the other outcasts, 'geeks', rejects and misfits. They were creative. They had empathy for me and I had empathy for them based on our similar maltreatment. They looked at the world in a different way than most people did just as I'd always done.

In short, I don't recall ever have a burning desire to be someone else, to be 'normal', to be NT. I don't look down on NT people because there are too many I've met that are great and because I don't consider myself to be superior; however, I feel I'm also free to say that I don't want to be one and that I can be free to feel good about being ND.

Thank you for expressing what I've always felt. These are my sentiments, exactly!

Me too.

All good points, Magz, and all true.

I am also content with who I am.
I've been bullied for being different but the real problem was not me being different but bullies being bullies.
Let's find a cure for bullyism!

I wouldn't mind having some of the NT skills, such as better executive function, but I can't say I've ever envied NT people or "mainstreamers" in the sense of wanting to completely be one, not by a long chalk. Most of the time it's all I can do to convince myself that they're not inferior to me. I don't THINK they're inferior, but I often get this feeling, when I see some of the things they do, that they are. It's very embarrassing.

I’m unhappy that I don’t assert myself more.

But I’m pretty happy with myself.

People get upset when I howl, though.

Being someone with AS is just a part of my human essence, so I am happy with who I am.

IMO bullies need to find something better to do instead of making the lives of targets difficult.

Having had a very recent diagnosis, and having never even considered that I might have autism prior to seven months ago, I've gone through a roller-coaster of self-contentment and self-loathing over the past few months. Self-loathing has been engrained in me for 36+ years... how could it not? Without knowing any words to describe it, I was an autistic trying to be a neurotypical, and I was trying desperately, because there were very few people in the world (and even those people were inconsistent) who would accept me for the person I really am. I was a really bad neurotypical, though. Haha, no wonder!

It gives me comfort to know that I'm a great autistic, but now I'm reframing my life. I look back at the past, and those instances--flashbacks from my CPSTD are less about internalizing the blame all on my own and more about realizing that the way I was treated is what caused my trauma. This makes me not only angry but deeply sad. I'm being hit with flashbacks today and waves of profound sadness. Looking back, I wish I had processed the way people treated me very differently, but then, I didn't have the right software for that, did I?

Another day--yesterday, tomorrow--I might feel greater autistic pride. Any day, I love my brain, and even when it bombards me with painful, vivid memories, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Nonetheless, I just want that pride more days. I guess this sort of thing takes time, though... any advice on how everyone got there?

Does it help to have autistic friends, and if so, where the heck do I find them?

Thank you, Magna, for expressing so well my experience. I have lived most of my life knowing I was different, but I wouldn't want to be NT at all. I am very happy with who I am.

All this talk on PPR about the far right getting power makes me think that everyone who loves their autism will be changing their minds.

I'm also happy with who I am. I wish that certain people in my life would be happy for me.

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