I dont know if I made a mistake or if I did the right thing

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RatchetVernacular
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03 Oct 2019, 6:41 pm

Okay, so a couple of months back I made a post on here basically expressing how I thought I was on the autism spectrum and by doing so I started to feel a bit more comfortable with speaking to my friends about how I think that I might be on the spectrum as well. A month later after making that post, I disclose to my friend on how I could be on the spectrum because we usually talk about things that "concerns" us and whatnot. I was really nervous about the whole ordeal to begin with because I theres always a part of me that feels like I'm doing something bad,, even right now, typing this whole thing I feel extremely bad and anxious and I cant help but feel like I'm doing something wrong. But when she replied she told me that the most that it could be would be that I was subconsciously mimicking my low functioning autistic brothers behavioral patterns and that theres people out there that are "like me" and they arent autistic. Basically said that it's all in my head and whatnot. I dont know what to do next. Part of me wants to forget about the whole thing, believe that it's all in my head and leave it alone, however part of me wants to continue to figure out whether I am on the spectrum or not, but I'm afraid of things changing between me and her if I actually went out of my way to get assessed. Sorry, I just need some advice to right now. Thank you for reading.



ASPartOfMe
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03 Oct 2019, 7:13 pm

You have to be a bit selfish here and do is best for you even though somebody else might not like it. This is not doing something intentionally to piss people off. Finding out if you are autistic(or have some other condition) will explain things for you helping your decision making.

You did not declare you are autistic, you told her you are thinking about the possibility which is a is a big difference. If she can not accept this she is not such a good friend.

It may not be mimicking, autism often runs in families.


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SocOfAutism
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04 Oct 2019, 9:36 am

It sounds like your friend has a negative view of autism...OR maybe she misunderstood you and thought YOU did. Either way maybe trying to make you feel better.

I like to compare an autism status to race or sexual orientation. A person could come out to a well meaning but ignorant friend and be told “you don’t LOOK like that race” or “maybe it’s a phase and you’re not really gay.” You can see that those kinds of statements are offensive. It’s also not cool to second guess another person’s autism. But I really don’t think we’re there yet, where most people understand that.

Do you think you could discuss it with your friend again and explain that it’s not a bad or worrisome thing?



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04 Oct 2019, 11:22 am

RatchetVernacular wrote:
A month later after making that post, I disclose to my friend on how I could be on the spectrum because we usually talk about things that "concerns" us and whatnot. I was really nervous about the whole ordeal to begin with because I theres always a part of me that feels like I'm doing something bad,, even right now, typing this whole thing I feel extremely bad and anxious and I cant help but feel like I'm doing something wrong. But when she replied she told me that the most that it could be would be that I was subconsciously mimicking my low functioning autistic brothers behavioral patterns and that theres people out there that are "like me" and they arent autistic. Basically said that it's all in my head and whatnot.

That is a common response when you disclose your autism to someone, even if you have a diagnosis. It's even more common when you don't and mention that you suspect you might be autistic.
People think they know what autism is. They don't.
Mimicking autistic traits from a low functioning relative seems unlikely past a certain age. If it were a high functioning sibling, especially an older sibling, learning some behavior from them would be plausible. But given that he is low functioning, there's likely a huge developmental gap between the two of you and you wouldn't model your behavior after his, also not subconsciously.

RatchetVernacular wrote:
I dont know what to do next. Part of me wants to forget about the whole thing, believe that it's all in my head and leave it alone, however part of me wants to continue to figure out whether I am on the spectrum or not, but I'm afraid of things changing between me and her if I actually went out of my way to get assessed. Sorry, I just need some advice to right now. Thank you for reading.

It is none of her businesses whether you get assessed or not. It is a decision you have to make for yourself and it is a decision that does not impact your friend in any way. Since it has zero effect on her life, it is not her decision to make. If it turns out you are autistic and she reacts negatively to your autism, to her being wrong or to you not trusting her word more than your own impression she's not a very good friend.



RatchetVernacular
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04 Oct 2019, 12:32 pm

SocOfAutism wrote:
It sounds like your friend has a negative view of autism...OR maybe she misunderstood you and thought YOU did. Either way maybe trying to make you feel better.

I like to compare an autism status to race or sexual orientation. A person could come out to a well meaning but ignorant friend and be told “you don’t LOOK like that race” or “maybe it’s a phase and you’re not really gay.” You can see that those kinds of statements are offensive. It’s also not cool to second guess another person’s autism. But I really don’t think we’re there yet, where most people understand that.

Do you think you could discuss it with your friend again and explain that it’s not a bad or worrisome thing?
I think that might've been the case, the way that I explained the whole thing, I kind of acted like it was a giant secret that I was too scared to really come through about until that moment, however I dont know if I have the courage to actually talk about it again,, she's a really good friend, and shes very sweet and loving but I'm still very anxious about the whole situation till this day, thank you.