The Battle.

Post Reply New Topic

Sometimes... Like I am feeling at the moment... I just don't have any fight left in me and I withdraw. I hide away. I go quiet and retreat into my own little world to protect myself... Like a sailing ship comes into a little harbour to shelter from the storms.

All is good... But while this harbour is available, I am safe. But what happens in the future? When the harbour is no longer available?

Yes. This harbour has been to live with my Mum... I can withdrew from lifes battles. I can rest. I can hide. I am safe.


All is well, but what happens in the future years? I want my Mum to live forever. Ad she will, but here on this earth she will enentually leave here... Maybe I will go as well if that happens, as I will have no harbour. No access to supplies.. No crew.. I will just drift on my own dissapearing into the storms of life...

What is life for?

From my perspective, the 'purpose' of life is simply to live.
And there are countless definitions of what other thinks as 'living'.

The most common definition, apparently, is;
To get friends and fit in, study hard and graduate, have a job and a stable income, be independent by taking care of yourself and climb career ladders, find a partner and marry, have kids and raise them, sustain and support your family, then die old surrounded with a loving family. Whether or not it meant a thing apparently.



I'd say my own definition of living consists of not trapping yourself in some invisible box or knot be it based on pain, fear, pleasure or attachment.
The practice of compassion and growth, of harmony and adaptation, of connections and responsibilities... In which mattered a little even one is living on the streets.

For now, I'm sort of stuck between worrywart of a connection that a part of me is longing to ditch out cold.
But I should be at least be grateful that I still have a family who's still willing to harbor me, right?
Should I compare myself to abusive households, abandoned or orphaned kids, and be grateful and content because of that?
Should I look at the adults my own age who had able to move away from their households and have their own personalized life, and be happy that I can still afford to retreat, or that be envious and insecure because of this form of freedom they got is more certain than I have?

Nope. I'd take it as is. I have a choice; I'd just choose to stay for a while, not to be an ungrateful bastard as much as I could, without having to emotionally obligate myself with the idea of whatever constitutes as gratitude towards my household.


Yes, another vague reply.
I blame the fact that I start understanding life and existential paradoxes outside the imaginative and intellectual lines.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I do know one thing in life. That if I leok at the sea charts, God has a plan.. A map. So if I find the stars so I can get my bearings... I have a course to sail by.
For now I am in the harbour waiting for supplies and to have my hull, sails and anything else which needs repair sen to and patched up... As I have been through so many storms, that I need a bit of emotional repair.

Awe jeez, find myself still being supportive , saying supportive stuff that once made sense .
A safe harbour .. " Ship are safe in their harbour , at home ,, but that is Not what ships were made for"

So i set out from port .. the wind did started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed , if not for the courage of the fearless crew . ... stranded on this island. , after some very bloody sea battles.
The alien attack was most complete , all hands lost ... ship seems well damaged beyond repair , and the professor gave me all his notes . Trying to see if life , is worthwhile on this island .But the port we departed from was under heavey attack. If not for the occassional cannibal tribe passing by, and the sharks . Might have missed all the rest of the fun sailing has had to offer .

I can identify with what you're saying. I worry about the same if my husband died. Not that I feel like my life is very harbour-like, but that's autism + circumstances. But if my husband died, I think I might die of stress. He is essentially the reason I'm coping at all.

HUGGZ 2 u 2


Just a thought out loud , lotsa battleships got sunk in Pearl Harbour.