What aspects of social interaction are especially tiring?

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Eimaj98
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28 Feb 2020, 7:20 am

For me personally the worst thing about it is having to speak to/work with somebody I either dont know or dont know very well, once I'm comfortable around someone then I dont really have any problems.


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29 Feb 2020, 6:26 am

I find going out in public to be the most socially stressful for me, as I worry that I have to look perfect (whatever that means) otherwise I will be stared at and judged by everybody. I'm not unable to go out in public places but I avoid it if it's too busy. Keeping my cool is tiring too, especially when there are screaming kids near me. I have to force myself not to have a meltdown, as I find their noise and unpredictability overwhelming.
Interaction with friends, colleagues and family isn't so tiring, as despite being an Aspie I'm still a sociable person and like being around people. But people that I know or love are more forgiving of any of my quirks, where as I seem to fear what strangers think of me more than my own family, friends, etc.


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blooiejagwa
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01 Mar 2020, 2:06 pm

Strangers actually do pick up on and read bad things into innocuous quirks so you have good reason to be wary
I didn't realize how much till i was frequenting some forums and ppl would be talking about ppl they know and often badmouthing and reading malignant things into things like poor eye contact.
Judging things in such an illogical way. Little compassion no concession.


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01 Mar 2020, 2:15 pm

^^ Yeah, people will read a few paragraphs on body language in Cosmopolitan, and think they have absolute proof of what you are thinking. I used to think that stupid people were not very dangerous, but danger correlates more to morality, and fools readily gang up.



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01 Mar 2020, 2:53 pm

No they actually think like that without the influence of media like Cosmo i think

Think how common it is for the 'odd' kids to be bullied and mistreated by other kids. Why. And what makes them odd..just that their presentation or movements n speech n interests perhaps.. Aren't in sync with the other kids.
Asd ppl arent so vicious


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01 Mar 2020, 3:12 pm

As a teenager at school I was picked on more by kids I didn't know. In a way I was actually less anxious if I was picked on by kids I DID know (although still got upset). So as an adult I still feel worse if I'm picked on or judged by strangers. Friends, family, colleagues, etc, are more aware of what's going on inside of you, even if some don't understand or pick on you for being different. But strangers just take one look at you and jump to conclusions, and when I'm in a crowded area I feel like 1,000 people are all thinking bad about me: "oh that girl looks a bit shy, but she looks normal otherwise and is not really standing out, but let's just stare at her anyway and make her feel self-conscious because she shouldn't look shy or nervous or anything, she should just look the way I want her to look, I can't deal with this, oh dear this girl who I'll never see again is really making my life a misery by looking shy".

(I say "shy" because I suppose those are the sort of vibes I give off, I don't know).


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01 Mar 2020, 4:38 pm

blooiejagwa wrote:
No they actually think like that without the influence of media like Cosmo i think

Think how common it is for the 'odd' kids to be bullied and mistreated by other kids. Why. And what makes them odd..just that their presentation or movements n speech n interests perhaps.. Aren't in sync with the other kids.
Asd ppl arent so vicious


Aye, superficial articles are not the source of the problem.
Humans are social animals, and for most, a bit of teasing is all that is needed to enforce group solidarity. There is a sub-group of NTs who are quite dedicated to peer-group maintenance, and either unable or unwilling to understand that there are other ways to be human. Perhaps we should start by thanking them for trying to help.



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01 Mar 2020, 6:28 pm

Dear_one I dont quite understand what you wrote in the last sentence.


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01 Mar 2020, 6:40 pm

blooiejagwa wrote:
Dear_one I dont quite understand what you wrote in the last sentence.

Teasing is an invitation to give up the eccentricity and enjoy the brotherhood of a group. It is best to turn down the invitation with grace. When long hair on men was still seen as effeminate, but I found that it helped in meeting others who valued eccentricity, I was once hassled by some construction workers about 3 floors up. I just dug into my pocket, came up with a dime, and happily flipped it away over my shoulder in the sunshine. They cheered.



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01 Mar 2020, 6:43 pm

Again, sorry but I don't understand still. Why did they cheer?


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01 Mar 2020, 6:54 pm

blooiejagwa wrote:
Again, sorry but I don't understand still. Why did they cheer?

Presumably, they thought that I'd won the exchange, by expanding the range of disagreement into the need to work all day and proving my point with style and good humour.



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01 Mar 2020, 6:58 pm

Maybe ppl were sharper, quicker n more nuanced thinkers back then. I still don't understand how that would be their interpretation nor how you came up with the idea. .
Actually it's true that older generations are overall sharper n better at thinking, from what I've seen.


Thanks fr trying to explain though


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AriaEclipse
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02 Mar 2020, 12:15 pm

Trying to figure out if people genuinely like me or not and trying to figure out if people are joking or being actually mean to me.


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AnnieAnn
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02 Mar 2020, 12:32 pm

I just read this entire thread and I can relate to every post and they are all so helpful by just knowing others are struggling like me with interaction. I find every aspect tiring in my 50's. At younger ages I was better at it or maybe willing to try harder.



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02 Mar 2020, 8:36 pm

AriaEclipse wrote:
Trying to figure out if people genuinely like me or not and trying to figure out if people are joking or being actually mean to me.


Yeah always.

The principal called me in for a second meeting because he thought I misinterpreted his intent. At least I spoke up. Bfore I wd stay quiet and let it 'eat away' at me.



I still think being paranoid about other people's intent is better than exposing yourself n trusting n being in dangerous situations because of they then exploit that or misunderstand you.

If we lived in an ideal Aspie-like world it would be fine but it's not an ideal world. Ppl with ASD are straightforward and not evil usually.


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