All Nurvous!

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Just, after about three weeks of putting it off.... Just phoned to get the forms to claim PIP.

I do not know if I am eligable or not. I wanted to ask. They said that they don't do that side of things. They just take the details and they send the forms out, and then someone will contact me after the forms are filled in (Or before) so I can check with them.
It took me at least an hour... to get myself ready to phone once I was given the number, as I was partly shutting down, so I had to leave everything and go outside so I could do something else so I would not shut down. In other words I had to take my mind off it before I was ready to phone. I don't like phoning! While outside I went to the top of our drive to see the nice view, and then I came back down to the back of the house and saw our four ducks, and they nibbled at me for about 15 to 25 minutes so I was able to calm down enough to make the call. I also was delayed as I took the car out the barn, and my brother turned up so it was a good distraction to delay... I had already delayed 3 weeks...

One question they asked is if I habe severe autism. They asked lots of other questions which I didn't know answers to. I said I didn't think I have severe autism... I am waiting to be assessed.

I much prefer paper forms to fill in as I can explain with little notes etc... I may not be good at filling forms in... BUT paper forms are easier... So much better then online forms and much easier then telephone.

Some of the time it was difficult to hear the man as other staff were also talking in the background on the phones so it was a bit confusing! But somehow I think I managed... All seems ok.

Am I eligable? I don't want to make any fraudulent claims so I am hoping to ask their advice. I want to explain things on the forms. He said put as many details down as I can. I am glad he said that. I can put about the worst issues and the best times where I am as normal as anyone else. So they get the whole picture. They can then decide. As I don't aant to claim anything that I am not entitled to. I won't lie. I will just tell the truth. It does not matter if I get it or not. I was advised to claim because I may be eligable and if I don't claim I may lose out where I could have had it etc...

Now that that is donw, I have other things to sort. Like a filling came out last night from a toot so I need to contact my dentist.
Also my Mum is waiting to go to a shop. I did say I would take her...

Well done MG

Thanks. Well. All done except I may have to wait until Monday to ask for a dentist appointment.

So glad you were able to get through that!

I would be wary of putting down too much about your good days.

Also be prepared to be turned down.

Be prepared to have to appeal.

If you have to go for an assessment take someone with you and get them to take notes of what is said.

I've not had to apply for PIP myself, but know of people who have.

I don't really mind too much if I don't get it. I am one who would rather not get it then go through the hastle of trying to get it because the stress of trying to claim anything has more of a negative effect then if I had no money....


Just now I am in a bit of a panic and am in a bit of a partial shutdown as I had an online letter through to tell me that I am going to have forms sent to me about being assessed on the Universal Credit to see if I need to be looking for work. I have to say at the moment, I have been fragile so if after all this I am told I need to look for work, I am going to stop my claim.

My big concern is that if I do this, then will I have to pay back any money that I have aleeady recieved. While I have not recieved any payment in benefit yet, I am very concerned and I have decided not to spend a penny unles I am 100% sure without doubt that it won't be claimed back from me if I decide I can't cope and I sign myself off the benefits system.

This is the main reason why I have gone for several years without claiming, as I have heard stories where people have had to pay the money they claimed back. And I have no means to do that and the way I am at the momwnt, I am not able to work to pay anything back in the first place.

I think it is a good idea that I can ask the lady who dealso with me in the benefits office so I know where I stand, as I am petrified to spend a penny of it at the moment. (I am even more concerned that it mentions that I could be prosecuted or fined. I tend to dwell on the worst case scinarios and trying to prepare incase they take place).


So at the moment, the PIP claim is on the backmof my mind while I am mentally trying to prepare for recieving the assessment forms for the Universal Credit to come and then go for an assessment. The assessment is on the second floor of a building. This is a concern... It is not that I can't walk up the stairs. (I can fully walk as any other person unless I am shutting down... But just getting from the car to the building is a struggle if I am shutting down!) It is more that I am further into the building and away from the exit that concerns me. It all depends how the building is laid out. I may ask them if I can come on a different day as a rehersal so I know where I should be etc, so I don't risk shutting down so much on the day. However, sometimes when I have rehearsed things.. Sometimes it makes me worse then if I hadn't bothered. So I don't know.

I am just a bit stressed at the moment so I am considering the worst case scinarios of everything. Where I need not be worked up and stressed as like my Mother often said "Cheer up. It might never happen". So I could be stressing about an experience which could end up being quite straightforward and pleasant. (It is possible after all!)

Thanks to all who have responded or read what I write.

I have just seen the PM. It will be very useful. Thanks. And thanks for the PM. Much appreciated.

I had the PIP details back today. I didn't expect to get it, but the strange thing is that I disn't get a single point. Does this mean that I am imagining things? It could be that when I panic and have to go out of shops, that it is all just some sort of illusion? And the strings of shutdowns when I was working... Maybe they were not real ans I am hilloucinating? Strange though as I know I end up on the floor and can't move etc. How come I had no points. Are shutdowns not an issue when it comes to PIP? It is puzzling. But there again, I am not physically disaabled. I have all my arms, legs, fingers and toes and my head etc and they all work. Maybe PIP is only for physically dissabled people and shutdowns/anxiety etc don't count?
It is the 0 points all the way down the list that puzzles me. I don't think the most ablest people around on the planet could get that score? I have no idea! Haha. I am not too bothered as I didn't expect to get it anyway as I have no medical proof in any way. Well. Not until I am assessed by the autism team. But I am questioning... Why am I getting issues? I mean. Lets suppose they are not shutdowns. I have been tested for all the obvious signs.
But I know the triggers now. When someone asks me to do something unexpected can be a trigger. When I am overloaded with stress is another. Anxiety is another. And certain smells are definately a trigger! So could these cause partial and full shutdowns but actually be something else?
It is definately not amenia, or diabetis or heart or things like that. I have had soo many tests. Each time I was tested I would be shutting down due to the packed waiting room, and the long corridors, and worse still... The hospital smells, especially bleach. My Mum has to quaranteen me from the house if she uses bleach as I have to go out for the day and she has to leave the windows open so the smell goes.

But could my life be an illusion? Maybe these struggles are not real? Maybe if I am not here I am not real?
But when I pinch myselfnit hurts. Is that an illusion too? Who knows.

Oets get back to reality here. I am alive and that will do!