I think ''Get on with it'' is unhelpful advice

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Fnord
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26 Nov 2019, 10:06 am

firemonkey wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
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So what advice do you all want to receive?  Or do you all even want any advice in the first place?
Well, if you went to a therapist because you're suffering from a PTSD, would you want the therapist to say, "PTSD? Get over it!"?
I don't think Fnord means any harm . It's just an area he's seems to have a definite cognitive deficit about .
Ooo ... another armchair diagnosis by another rank amateur!

What is happening here are third-hand misinterpretations of second-hand assumptions of what other people believe I am thinking, when nobody on this website actually knows me at all.

So, to clarify matters, I think that anyone claiming to be seeking advice on this website should be actually seeking advice, and not just more members and moderators to manipulate for sympathy and attention.

:roll: Does anyone else remember that guy who claimed to be homeless in San Franscisco?  He strung people along for years with his faked sob-stories.

Satisfied?


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kraftiekortie
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26 Nov 2019, 10:12 am

Basically, the advice I would give Chris is to not rely on bars and drinking and trying to be "cool" in order to find love and satisfaction.

And to realize that people "progress" on their own pace. But as long as they are "progressing" at all, all is fine and dandy.

And to not compare yourself to other people.

Somebody might have a car, kids, a job, and a wife by age 30. But by age 40, all that can be gone.



firemonkey
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26 Nov 2019, 10:18 am

Fnord wrote:
firemonkey wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
So what advice do you all want to receive?  Or do you all even want any advice in the first place?
Well, if you went to a therapist because you're suffering from a PTSD, would you want the therapist to say, "PTSD? Get over it!"?
I don't think Fnord means any harm . It's just an area he's seems to have a definite cognitive deficit about .
Ooo ... another armchair diagnosis by another rank amateur!

What is happening here are third-hand misinterpretations of second-hand assumptions of what other people believe I am thinking, when nobody on this website actually knows me at all.

So, to clarify matters, I think that anyone claiming to be seeking advice on this website should be actually seeking advice, and not just more members and moderators to manipulate for sympathy and attention.

:roll: Does anyone else remember that guy who claimed to be homeless in San Franscisco?  He strung people along for years with his faked sob-stories.

Satisfied?


What's the difference between a so called 'armchair dx' and you giving 'armchair advice' ? You're as much a rank amateur as anyone else here .


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envirozentinel
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26 Nov 2019, 10:24 am

Fnord wrote:
firemonkey wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
So what advice do you all want to receive?  Or do you all even want any advice in the first place?
Well, if you went to a therapist because you're suffering from a PTSD, would you want the therapist to say, "PTSD? Get over it!"?
I don't think Fnord means any harm . It's just an area he's seems to have a definite cognitive deficit about .
[color=black]Ooo ... another armchair diagnosis by another rank amateur!

What is happening here are third-hand misinterpretations of second-hand assumptions blah blah

Come on Fnord, no need to descend to that level of debate.... "Rank amateur". You definitely see things as either jet black or snowy white. There are people who are genuinely looking for advice - please don't make them feel unwelcome here.

I think Firemonkey's response is spot on!


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Fnord
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26 Nov 2019, 10:28 am

firemonkey wrote:
What's the difference between a so called 'armchair dx' and you giving 'armchair advice' ? You're as much a rank amateur as anyone else here .
Valid diagnoses are given by a trained and licensed professionals, whether or not they have any actual experience in their fields, and do not necessarily lead to advice..

Advice is given by people who have experience within the topic they are advising on, whether or not they have any formal training in the topic, and do not include diagnoses.

What's the difference between giving advice that says, "Go to school, earn a degree, and make something of yourself, if you can" and "Give up, stay home, and live on the Dole for the rest of your life because you can't do anything else"?  They were both given by people who have followed their own advice, although the first person is considered a 'success' and the second is considered a 'failure'.

If you want to pretend you know me and render your 'diagnosis' as to what you think is 'wrong' with me, then go ahead.  You don't know me, so your 'diagnosis' is invalid at first principles.


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Fnord
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26 Nov 2019, 10:31 am

envirozentinel wrote:
Come on Fnord, no need to descend to that level of debate.... "Rank amateur". You definitely see things as either jet black or snowy white. There are people who are genuinely looking for advice - please don't make them feel unwelcome here.  I think Firemonkey's response is spot on!
You are defending someone's attack against me, and leaving me to defend myself.


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firemonkey
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26 Nov 2019, 10:34 am

Fnord wrote:
firemonkey wrote:
What's the difference between a so called 'armchair dx' and you giving 'armchair advice' ? You're as much a rank amateur as anyone else here .
Valid diagnoses are given by a trained and licensed professionals, whether or not they have any actual experience in their fields, and do not necessarily lead to advice..

Advice is given by people who have experience within the topic they are advising on, whether or not they have any formal training in the topic, and do not include diagnoses.

What's the difference between giving advice that says, "Go to school, earn a degree, and make something of yourself, if you can" and "Give up, stay home, and live on the Dole for the rest of your life because you can't do anything else"?  They were both given by people who have followed their own advice, although the first person is considered a 'success' and the second is considered a 'failure'.

If you want to pretend you know me and render your 'diagnosis' as to what you think is 'wrong' with me, then go ahead.  You don't know me, so your 'diagnosis' is invalid at first principles.


So is your criticism of me invalid as you don't know me .


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Fnord
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26 Nov 2019, 10:35 am

firemonkey wrote:
Fnord wrote:
firemonkey wrote:
What's the difference between a so called 'armchair dx' and you giving 'armchair advice' ? You're as much a rank amateur as anyone else here .
Valid diagnoses are given by a trained and licensed professionals, whether or not they have any actual experience in their fields, and do not necessarily lead to advice..

Advice is given by people who have experience within the topic they are advising on, whether or not they have any formal training in the topic, and do not include diagnoses.

What's the difference between giving advice that says, "Go to school, earn a degree, and make something of yourself, if you can" and "Give up, stay home, and live on the Dole for the rest of your life because you can't do anything else"?  They were both given by people who have followed their own advice, although the first person is considered a 'success' and the second is considered a 'failure'.

If you want to pretend you know me and render your 'diagnosis' as to what you think is 'wrong' with me, then go ahead.  You don't know me, so your 'diagnosis' is invalid at first principles.


So is your criticism of me invalid as you don't know me .
Then let's both back off and leave each other alone. Deal?


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envirozentinel
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26 Nov 2019, 10:43 am

That's better. He just has a different POV. An opinion is valid as kong as you don't force everyone to subscribe to such an opinion.

Thank you.


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skibum
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26 Nov 2019, 11:02 am

envirozentinel wrote:
You definitely see things as either jet black or snowy white.
Just a non emotional reminder, meaning, I am not being sarcastic or attacking anyone or having any emotions behind what I am about to say. In fact, my demeanor is very gentle and calm and actually very soft right now.
But as far as this comment goes, I just wanted to remind us that this is, in fact, an Autistic site and most of us here are Autistic including Fnord. Black and white thinking is a very common and strong Autistic trait so we can't really fault each other for having black and white thinking. It's kind of part of the definition of what makes many of us Autistic.


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26 Nov 2019, 11:21 am

Fnord wrote:
firemonkey wrote:
Fnord wrote:
firemonkey wrote:
What's the difference between a so called 'armchair dx' and you giving 'armchair advice' ? You're as much a rank amateur as anyone else here .
Valid diagnoses are given by a trained and licensed professionals, whether or not they have any actual experience in their fields, and do not necessarily lead to advice..

Advice is given by people who have experience within the topic they are advising on, whether or not they have any formal training in the topic, and do not include diagnoses.

What's the difference between giving advice that says, "Go to school, earn a degree, and make something of yourself, if you can" and "Give up, stay home, and live on the Dole for the rest of your life because you can't do anything else"?  They were both given by people who have followed their own advice, although the first person is considered a 'success' and the second is considered a 'failure'.

If you want to pretend you know me and render your 'diagnosis' as to what you think is 'wrong' with me, then go ahead.  You don't know me, so your 'diagnosis' is invalid at first principles.


So is your criticism of me invalid as you don't know me .
Then let's both back off and leave each other alone. Deal?


Fair enough . Though initially I was making a reasonable statement ,rather than attacking you . There's a difference between having good advice to give , and imparting that advice in a good rather than bad way .


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26 Nov 2019, 1:08 pm

chris1989 wrote:
It does annoy me when some narrow-minded and less sympathetic people tell other people who are struggling mentally and have problems in their lives and talking about it to ''get on with it''. Such was a case of someone telling me that on social media.


I just saw a comedian who got good laughs from quoting someone who asked him why he had stayed addicted to heroin for ten years instead of just quitting sooner. It is difficult for people to see other's problems unless there's a visible handicap. However, "Get on with it" is a short form for all the good advice about the power of making a start. You may appear to be frozen, unable to begin until you can see your way to the end, but usually one has to make some progress before the rest of the path becomes clear. Even in conversation, people begin speaking while still trying to think up the words they will need to finish their sentence. We accept the occasional mishaps when they don't arrive.

It can be a mistake to focus too much on results - a salesman can easily get disheartened that way. He is better off setting a goal of making many calls and trying to perfect his pitch than trying to perfect it and then make many calls. He needs the tests and experience to progress at all. I just finished putting a new roof on my house, after starting rather late in the season. Progress was very slow at first, but I did as much as I could each day, and now it is all done, just before the permanent snow. My other chores are going better when I don't agonize over how involved they are, but just see where's an easy place to get going, and enjoy the process.



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26 Nov 2019, 1:44 pm

skibum wrote:
envirozentinel wrote:
You definitely see things as either jet black or snowy white.
Just a non emotional reminder, meaning, I am not being sarcastic or attacking anyone or having any emotions behind what I am about to say. In fact, my demeanor is very gentle and calm and actually very soft right now.
But as far as this comment goes, I just wanted to remind us that this is, in fact, an Autistic site and most of us here are Autistic including Fnord. Black and white thinking is a very common and strong Autistic trait so we can't really fault each other for having black and white thinking. It's kind of part of the definition of what makes many of us Autistic.


I know I can be strongly pro things and strongly anti other things .I'll try to go more into the grey area, but damn it's hard .


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DemophobicKlingon
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27 Nov 2019, 9:22 am

I've come across people who use unhelpful phrases like this too, or not as understanding when it takes me longer to do a task. I still am intending on completing it, but making phrases like that isn't going to make it go any faster. If anything, it just slows me down and throws a monkey wrench in my concentration. Or if I plan on doing something, and I need time to think about how I'm going to do it, and people make it like I'm just stalling or that I'm unaware of what I need to do.

I guess people are not in our minds, and we are going to come across people who aren't as accommodating or understanding in our lives. There are steps needed to make a change. Making vague demanding statements doesn't give us the steps to make that change.


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27 Nov 2019, 9:25 am

firemonkey wrote:
skibum wrote:
envirozentinel wrote:
You definitely see things as either jet black or snowy white.
Just a non emotional reminder, meaning, I am not being sarcastic or attacking anyone or having any emotions behind what I am about to say. In fact, my demeanor is very gentle and calm and actually very soft right now.
But as far as this comment goes, I just wanted to remind us that this is, in fact, an Autistic site and most of us here are Autistic including Fnord. Black and white thinking is a very common and strong Autistic trait so we can't really fault each other for having black and white thinking. It's kind of part of the definition of what makes many of us Autistic.


I know I can be strongly pro things and strongly anti other things .I'll try to go more into the grey area, but damn it's hard .
It's all good. :)


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27 Nov 2019, 10:28 am

DemophobicKlingon wrote:
I've come across people who use unhelpful phrases like this too, or not as understanding when it takes me longer to do a task. I still am intending on completing it, but making phrases like that isn't going to make it go any faster. If anything, it just slows me down and throws a monkey wrench in my concentration. Or if I plan on doing something, and I need time to think about how I'm going to do it, and people make it like I'm just stalling or that I'm unaware of what I need to do.

I guess people are not in our minds, and we are going to come across people who aren't as accommodating or understanding in our lives. There are steps needed to make a change. Making vague demanding statements doesn't give us the steps to make that change.


That is a problem that extends from toddlers demanding attention right into industry. Studies show that managers who call meetings can easily halve the productivity of their engineers. I do a lot of my work at night, to avoid interruptions.