Is eating alone in a restaurant now a big taboo?

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BenderRodriguez
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04 Dec 2019, 6:07 pm

Fnord wrote:

BenderRodriguez wrote:

... I can believe it's considered more embarrassing to eat by yourself than be stood up.

??? It's the same result, only being stood up may inspire pity in the other patrons depending on how you react to it. I had more luck with getting my bill paid when I pretended to be stood up than when I actually was stood up. Maybe it was my bad acting that people pitied more than me being rejected.

Not sure I follow (aspie moment?) - being stood up is humiliating, while dining by yourself is just... normal here

Do you mean you didn't have to pay the bill because they felt sorry for you? I remember we had this conversation before, I dislike "free" stuff. I'd rather pay than be seen as a pitiful case, but I'll admit I'm really bad with being/feeling humiliated.

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Leon_Trotsky
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04 Dec 2019, 6:18 pm

BenderRodriguez wrote:

I'm sorry, man, I really feel for you. I can relate as in I've been in small (European) towns where people would stare if you somewhat look "foreign" or out of place, more out of curiosity than malevolence, and it's still very annoying. Once I even asked a local if they aren't taught that it's rude to stare and he said "of course" :lol:

It can still be aggravating and intrusive even if there's no ill intent.

In the past year alone I have dined alone in these European cities:

Rome
Naples
Florence
Bologna
Barcelona
Girona
Perpignan
Figueres
Paris
Rouen
Reykjavik
Munich
Dachau
Salzburg
Lisbon
Porto

In none of these cities did I ever receive the amount of staring for eating alone than I have in San Francisco. In fact, in all of those cities, I saw quite a lot of people who ate alone. Even males in their 40s and 50s.

BenderRodriguez
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04 Dec 2019, 6:23 pm

Nice list, I hope you enjoyed your time around these parts (btw, the staring part in my post was not related to eating by yourself)

Yeah, women too and nobody gives them a hard time or tries to pick them up because they're by themselves, nor are the guys perceived of being incapable of having friends or a date. It's just eating FFS

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shortfatbalduglyman
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04 Dec 2019, 6:28 pm

Leon_Trotsky wrote:

In general people stare at me in public and in meetups because they probably dislike me for no logical reason. However, when I eat alone in restaurants it seems like the amount of people who stare at me is a lot higher than in other situations.

I do not know if I eat weird, because I usually do not eat with friends or acquaintances. I usually eat alone or with my parents. And since people tend to stare at my parents when they themselves eat alone, they do not even know why they would be staring at me since they have the same problem.

Unlike most Americans, I eat British/European style, i.e. fork in left hand, knife in right hand, and spoon in left hand if needed. I never ever switch my fork to the right hand. Although I am not sure if the people who stare at me really care about the minutæ of my dining etiquette.

The only out of place clothing pieces that I have are 1960s aviator glasses. Perhaps that is considered rare for a 30 year old. Sometimes I wear 1970s-style chequered/plad button-down shirts.

It is not like when I was younger, when I used to wear tie-dye shirts and hippie clothing. On occasion I would wear my parents' old disco jackets and bellbottoms, which is probably not common for someone born in 1989. But right now I do not wear those things.

If you don't like the way they stare at you, you could get takeout

What kind of restaurant is it? Fast food, you would hardly expect everyone to travel in packs. Although they do.

Five star restaurants, might make you look suspicious. Especially if you sit alone at a large table.

What else are you doing at the restaurant, just eating?

What does your body's appearance look like?

Are you eating unusual food or a lot of it?

Are you spilling and dropping a lot of food?

kraftiekortie
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04 Dec 2019, 6:29 pm

You're well-traveled, Mr. Trotsky.

Much more well-traveled than I am.

I've been to San Francisco a couple of times. My wife doesn't like to spend money---so we tend to get stuff out of the Costco just north of the airport.

Trust me...in New York....people eat alone all the time with no fuss.

kraftiekortie
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04 Dec 2019, 6:32 pm

The only time I ate "free" was when I left without paying the bill by accident. This was in a coffee shop.

I went back in, and told them I forgot to pay my bill. They just said "fughettiboutit!"

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 04 Dec 2019, 6:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

BenderRodriguez
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04 Dec 2019, 6:35 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

The only time I ate "free" was when I left without paying the bill by accident. This was in a coffee shop.

I went back in, and told them I forgot to pay my bill. They just "fughettiboutit!"

Have you ever seen Scorsese's movie "After hours"?

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Leon_Trotsky
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04 Dec 2019, 6:38 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:

I like eating in restaurants, like I did in Europe. Glass of wine, atmosphere, plus food immediately instead of waiting an hour or so to get back home to eat takeaway.

Usually I eat at real restaurants. No fast food, i.e. No McDonald's, No KFC, etc. I usually go to European restaurants, such as Italian. Occasionally French. I notice though that in French restaurants here I have never seen anyone eat alone. Except myself of course.

I order a regular portion. Just a main like everyone else.

Sometimes I bring my language books and read them whilst eating.

I am slim, but normal height and weight. 178 cm (5'10") and weigh around 75 kg (165 lb/11 st 11 lb). Fairly average.

I have long, wavy hair and 1960s aviator glasses.

If you mean if I am ugly, well, that is not for me to answer. A lot of women have called me ugly, but I am not sure if that is the reason why they stare at me when I eat alone.

kraftiekortie
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04 Dec 2019, 6:39 pm

Nope...never seen it. But I can imagine what it's about LOL

There was a TV show, about 10 years ago, with Ted Danson as a doctor which had in it a coffee shop where people used to eat alone without any hassle.

Anybody remember a show called "Alice" from the 1970s?

kraftiekortie
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04 Dec 2019, 6:44 pm

I used to wear aviator glasses---in the 1970s and 1980s.

BenderRodriguez
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04 Dec 2019, 6:46 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

Give it a shot if you have the chance, it's a dark comedy, very uncharacteristic in some ways to him. I think you might enjoy it, it's one of my favourite under-rated movies and one of my favourite movies set in New York (along with the Smoke/Blue in the face movies)!

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Leon_Trotsky
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04 Dec 2019, 6:46 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

Average for me. Although I am not like some people in this city where they try to accumulate as many passport stamps as possible and visit as many countries as possible to tell people at meetups.

SFO lie very far from the actual city. You have to dine Downtown and see how other diners look at you. Although I can understand if you do not want to pay $60 for a 7 oz (around 0.2 kilo) steak.

Leon_Trotsky
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04 Dec 2019, 6:48 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

I used to wear aviator glasses---in the 1970s and 1980s.

For some reason a lot of people here, especially those in their 20s and 30s, do not like that I wear those types of glasses. I wear long hair and aviator glasses like Ray Manzarek during his time with The Doors. I am not sure if the glasses themselves are a reason why people stare at me when I eat alone. Perhaps because I was born in 1989 and wear glasses from the 1960s and 1970s? It cannot be that strange. When I was 17-18 I used to wear my parents' disco jackets and bellbottoms.

I would post a picture here, but I am paranoid that someone will find my identity, then spread gossip all round the internet about a 30 year old single virgin who has no friends and eats in restaurants alone.

Last edited by Leon_Trotsky on 04 Dec 2019, 6:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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04 Dec 2019, 6:49 pm

SFO is about 15 miles south of Downtown.

I stayed about 5 miles south of there---in San Mateo.

Aviator glasses are considered very much out of style. I used to love wearing them 30 years ago; even in the late 80s, it was considered a little passe.

Leon_Trotsky
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04 Dec 2019, 6:52 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

San Mateo are a completely different place and atmosphere. Completely different type of people who live there too. San Francisco are filled with under 30s and tech workers. San Mateo is a lot more family-oriented, with all types of people. Restaurants also much less expensive and less pretentious.

I love my aviators. Even though I am age 30. Most of my adult life (age 17 to late 20s) I have worn circular John Lennon glasses. Unless these frames are so weird to people that they have to stare at me.

kraftiekortie
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04 Dec 2019, 6:54 pm

More people wear the John Lennon-type glasses than aviators.

I'm too old to look good in aviators.

As for me, I wouldn't judge somebody for wearing aviator frames----but many people find them really sort of passe.

It's almost like wearing a leisure suit.

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