Defeatism, or "Learned Helplessness".

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Fnord
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09 Dec 2019, 9:23 am

magz wrote:

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

I can not get a job because of Aspergers.

My boss has Asperger's.

My original diagnosis was Asperger's. It was later revised to "Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified" ... with a "side-order" of PTSD.

magz wrote:

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

I can not drive a car because of Aspergers.

A lot of WP members drive.

I drive, although I hate driving in downtown Los Angeles and avoid it when I can.

magz wrote:

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

I can not make friends because of Aspergers.

ASD-friendly friendships is a big topic, Mona often mentions autistic-friendly social skills.

I don't have many friends, but those I do have are people I can trust and rely on if I have to.

magz wrote:

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

Aspergers may lead to a life of failure, defeatism, learned helplessness and victim mentality.

It may or may not. Other conditions may lead to them, too.

The operative word is "May".

magz wrote:

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

I can not do ........ because of Aspergers.

You may not be able to get a job, drive a car or make friends, you may see yourself as a failure and linger in defeatism and learned helplessness but a belief of Asperger's as a sole source of it all is simply false.

Agreed. To blame it all on Asperger's (except maybe the most severe kind) is a mistake. Some of us had no idea what was "wrong" with us, and we set out to make the best of things by doing whatever we could do instead of worrying about what we couldn't do. Then again, had I known that I was "hopelessly autistic" as a child -- like so many others on this website -- I would right now still be homeless and living on the streets ... if not dead.

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Rainbow_Belle
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09 Dec 2019, 12:01 pm

I long for the day, I will no longer have to wake up feeling like my life is worthless, meaningless because of Aspergers. If I did not have Aspergers my life would be as good as all those happy people without Aspergers. It is hard to find happiness, not be anxious and not be depressed when you have Aspergers. I am a sufferer of Aspergers and I wish I never had this awful condition. I have been unemployed for 10+ years since graduating from college, I have unsuccessfully applied for thousands of jobs and I have no friends.

magz
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09 Dec 2019, 12:02 pm

I know plenty of unhappy people without Asperger's...

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blazingstar
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09 Dec 2019, 12:13 pm

Happiness has nothing to do with having Aspergers. All kinds of "normal" people are miserable. Where do you get the idea "normal" people have a life of ease and happiness? Cause it ain't true. Everyone has problems of one sort or another.

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Rainbow_Belle
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09 Dec 2019, 12:21 pm

Therapy and social skills coaching are a waste of time. People do not like me and learning social skills will change nothing. All the politeness and useless eye contact will not change a thing. Therapy does not work for Aspergers, no magic words, no look into my eyes, now you do not have Aspergers.

TwilightPrincess
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09 Dec 2019, 12:25 pm

You are right. Therapy isn’t magic. You have to actually do some work to see some results. Asperger’s doesn’t go away, but therapy can really help one to overcome challenges and grow. People with Asperger’s can succeed but not without trying.

You are lucky you have Asperger’s and not something more unpleasant like Cerebral Palsy or a severe intellectual disability.

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magz
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09 Dec 2019, 12:28 pm

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

Therapy does not "cure" Asperger's.
If your therapist claimed it would, find a better therapist.
Therapy can help a person with Asperger's to get out of depression and other mental health issues.

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Fnord
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09 Dec 2019, 12:46 pm

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

Therapy and social skills coaching are a waste of time.

I tried therapy for a while, and gave up only after the therapist forgot my name.

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

People do not like me and learning social skills will change nothing.

I have to constantly practice my social skills, and people still don't like me; but at least more people like me now than before.

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

All the politeness and useless eye contact will not change a thing.

Too much politeness is sometimes as bad as too little politeness. I have to try to find some safe zone in the middle and I don't always get it right. But when I do get it right, I feel practically euphoric.

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

Therapy does not work for Aspergers, no magic words, no look into my eyes, now you do not have Aspergers.

Therapy does not cure Asperger's. Asperger's cannot be cured. Therapy does work better than asking for advice from people on a social website, however.

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skibum
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09 Dec 2019, 12:55 pm

The therapist actually forgot your name???? That is crazy.

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Fnord
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09 Dec 2019, 12:57 pm

skibum wrote:

The therapist actually forgot your name???? That is crazy.

Not only that, but I later overheard my boss discussing my case with another manager, and he quoted a few things I had said IN PRIVATE to the counselor.

NEVER AGAIN will I take counselling from a work-related therapist.

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skibum
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09 Dec 2019, 12:59 pm

Fnord wrote:

skibum wrote:

The therapist actually forgot your name???? That is crazy.

Not only that, but I later overheard my boss discussing my case with another manager, and quoted a few things I had said to the counselor.

NEVER AGAIN will I take counselling from a work-related therapist.

OMG!! !! !! Isn't that like a lawsuit in the making?

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magz
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09 Dec 2019, 1:02 pm

Fnord wrote:

skibum wrote:

The therapist actually forgot your name???? That is crazy.

Aspie1's advice to "make sure your therapist is your flying monkey" seems valid here.

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<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>

Fnord
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09 Dec 2019, 1:07 pm

skibum wrote:

Fnord wrote:

skibum wrote:

The therapist actually forgot your name???? That is crazy.

Not only that, but I later overheard my boss discussing my case with another manager, and quoted a few things I had said to the counselor. NEVER AGAIN will I take counselling from a work-related therapist.

OMG!! Isn't that like a lawsuit in the making?

Apparently not, especially when the employer is paying the therapist to "screen" employees who may become troublesome (I was going through a divorce at the time). According to my lawyer (at the time) this is standard practice -- offer "free counselling" as an employee benefit, and then use the "confidential" information to justify finding the least little infraction of the rules that would give reason to dismiss the employee.

NEVER accept such an offer from an employer!!

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Fnord
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09 Dec 2019, 1:08 pm

magz wrote:

Fnord wrote:

skibum wrote:

The therapist actually forgot your name???? That is crazy.

Not only that, but I later overheard my boss discussing my case with another manager, and he quoted a few things I had said IN PRIVATE to the counselor. NEVER AGAIN will I take counselling from a work-related therapist.

Aspie1's advice to "make sure your therapist is your flying monkey" seems valid here.

Had I only known then what I know now... :roll:

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skibum
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09 Dec 2019, 1:09 pm

WOW!! That is unbelievable. It's a super important thing to know. So sorry you had to go through that.

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Fnord
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09 Dec 2019, 1:12 pm

skibum wrote:

WOW!! That is unbelievable. It's a super important thing to know. So sorry you had to go through that.

I paid cash for my diagnosis, so my current employer is unlikely to have any legally-obtained proof to use against me.

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Last edited by Fnord on 09 Dec 2019, 1:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Defeatism, or "Learned Helplessness".