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AbigailMeek
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10 Dec 2019, 5:04 am

Hi, I'm Abigail and was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome back when I was 13 and I'm now 23. I'm not sure if anyone here gets this but I am really struggling with unwanted negative and bad thoughts. For me this began earlier this year and has progressively worsened the more time has gone by.

I feel like a monster and the thoughts make me feel awful. I want it to stop and I'm afraid that I've become a bad person and will end up doing something awful.

Does anyone else feel like this?



aquafelix
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10 Dec 2019, 8:27 am

AbigailMeek wrote:
Hi, I'm Abigail and was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome back when I was 13 and I'm now 23. I'm not sure if anyone here gets this but I am really struggling with unwanted negative and bad thoughts. For me this began earlier this year and has progressively worsened the more time has gone by.

I feel like a monster and the thoughts make me feel awful. I want it to stop and I'm afraid that I've become a bad person and will end up doing something awful.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Hi Abigail,

I have felt that way often. I think I can relate to what you are saying, but I'm not sure as you haven't provided much detail. I have always had periods where awful thoughts and images intruded into my mind uninvited. Some of these were really perverted and horrible and I used to think that was evidence that I was a monstrous evil person. I would try and push them out of my mind or even argue against them, but that just seemed to make them worse and I was exhausted fighting against myself and hating myself. I hated myself so much I thought that I would be doing the world a service by dieing as this would protect people from the horrible things my mind seemed to imagine myself doing.

But someone told me to stop being such a pr*ck to myself me and said "thoughts are just thoughts, they aren't always truth or prophecy". For some reason this put things in perspective.



Dear_one
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10 Dec 2019, 8:42 am

AbigailMeek wrote:
Hi, I'm Abigail and was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome back when I was 13 and I'm now 23. I'm not sure if anyone here gets this but I am really struggling with unwanted negative and bad thoughts. For me this began earlier this year and has progressively worsened the more time has gone by.

I feel like a monster and the thoughts make me feel awful. I want it to stop and I'm afraid that I've become a bad person and will end up doing something awful.

Does anyone else feel like this?


This year, I finally realized that adults as well as babies get cranky when tired. I knew I'd begun having trouble sleeping, but not how that affected my thoughts. Now I see how that can turn into a vicious cycle, so I work harder to break it and just get more rest. Like magic, the moods then change.
Some people get "Hangry." - they get hungry, but don't know to eat, just to make a fuss, which used to work. I am using a schedule for food now, which helps keep the sleep regular.
Large numbers of people are now in great distress over climate change. The best antidote I've found for that is doing something about it.



shortfatbalduglyman
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10 Dec 2019, 9:19 am

Yes I keep obsessing about getting

Framed for a felony and sent to jail
Sued civilly
Raped
Hit by car
Fat


Think "here and now" mantra

Do something that might be useful



For example, a couple of minutes ago I thought about getting sent to jail. Then I took out the trash.


The thoughts are not tabboo


But frequency intensity duration is way too much



The_Walrus
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10 Dec 2019, 9:34 am

Hi Abigail, welcome to WrongPlanet.

That sounds pretty dreadful. It can be really hard when your brain is working against you and giving you these extremely negative thoughts.

I don’t know what your situation is like, but I think access to a CBT or DBT professional with experience with autistic patients should be beneficial. If you are in the UK then I suggest seeing your GP ASAP so they can refer you onwards.

If that isn’t an option for you then another effective strategy is mindfulness. This is a bit of a buzzword but the good stuff does work for a lot of people. Shortfatbalduglyman has spelled out a basic bit for you. There are also free online courses that may be useful.

Hope you get well soon.



kraftiekortie
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10 Dec 2019, 9:58 am

If you don't mind sharing: what sort of "thoughts" do you have?

Perhaps, objectively, they are not as "bad" as you think they are.

Then, there is the notion that if "thoughts" don't lead to "actions," that "thoughts" are perfectly valid. Having "bad" or "evil" thoughts without "actions" seem, to me, to be an elemental component of the "human condition."

I might feel angry enough to want to harm somebody, say----but I, almost certainly, would never harm a person.



AbigailMeek
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10 Dec 2019, 10:38 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
If you don't mind sharing: what sort of "thoughts" do you have?

Perhaps, objectively, they are not as "bad" as you think they are.

Then, there is the notion that if "thoughts" don't lead to "actions," that "thoughts" are perfectly valid. Having "bad" or "evil" thoughts without "actions" seem, to me, to be an elemental component of the "human condition."

I might feel angry enough to want to harm somebody, say----but I, almost certainly, would never harm a person.

Hi, thanks for replying everyone. CBT is something I want to look into but I don't want to get put into a hospital or an institution.

I get different thoughts and feel bad and guilty for all of them but they do worry me. I get a lot of thoughts about harming people which I find disturbing. It's something I'd like to talk to someone about but I couldn't tell anyone, they'd probably think I was sick and mad. Sometimes I do feel that way but it makes me feel very guilty and I'm scared I'll do something bad and hurt someone.



carlos55
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10 Dec 2019, 2:09 pm

What your referring to are called intrusive thoughts. I read a good book on anxiety some 20 years back that said to get rid of them you have to stop fearing them when they happen.

To do that means going along with them, add some imagination as well.

For example someone with a fear thought of running someone over can say to themselves cant wait to drive back home to run the rest over!

Go along with the thought and allow it, remember its just a harmless thought.

If you really act upon bad thoughts by actually doing them or have acted to do them them forget everything i said and call 911 now


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lissa1212
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10 Dec 2019, 2:16 pm

Have you looked into whether you might have OCD? I have OCD as a comorbid and have had thoughts similar to what you describe. What helps is knowing that I would never act on them. Also, knowing that there are many others with this problem puts things into perspective.

Here's an article about OCD and unwanted thoughts if you're interested:
https://health.usnews.com/health-care/p ... d-thoughts



AbigailMeek
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10 Dec 2019, 4:40 pm

Hi, yes I have OCD I was diagnosed with it shortly after my Aspergers diagnosis, though at that time or wasn't so bad. The negative, intrusive thoughts, are a much more recent thing. I don't think I'd ever act on them but sometimes I feel like I will. It's really complicated and difficult.



plokijuh
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10 Dec 2019, 5:47 pm

Yes I experience this too. I agree it sounds like OCD.

Therapy for intrusive thoughts tends to focus on making peace with the thoughts being there. Because you hate them, once you're not fighting them they actually disappear. The thing is it's incredibly hard to stop fighting them precisely because you hate them.

In other words, if you were actually a perverted person you wouldn't have this battle.


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Diagnosed ASD

AQ: 42 (Scores in the 33-50 range indicate significant Austistic traits)
RAADS-R: 165
RDOS: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 159 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 44 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


carlos55
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11 Dec 2019, 10:54 am

Theres a difference between neurosis and psychosis.

In psychosis like schizophrenia someone may act upon their thoughts and they need to urgently speak to their therapist or call 911 if they feel like they are on the verge of doing something bad.

Neurosis is just anxiety where the sufferer lives in the real world and can recognise right and wrong. Intrusive thoughts should be invited and indulged until no longer feared and they will no longer be as frequent. The fact that you fear them means you know not to do them so its unlikely you will.

The more you run from fear the more it will chase you. This is psycology 101.

I dont know your diagnosis - if your neurotic or psychotic so have to give you both advice.


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timf
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11 Dec 2019, 10:58 am

What are called "intrusive thoughts" can be a difficult problem. Aspergers may accentuate this problem in that a neurology that is more complex, faster, or sensitive may have as a contributing factor a lower level of inhibitory neuro transmitters like Serotonin or GABA.

I have known people who have had success reducing the severity of intrusive thoughts with a daily administration of the supplement GABA, Here is a link to some research that indicates a low level of GABA may contribute to this problem

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5670182/



AbigailMeek
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12 Dec 2019, 2:17 am

I have an appointment with my therapist today.