Page 1 of 2 [ 17 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Technic1
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 2 Apr 2021
Posts: 417
Location: Universe

12 Jun 2021, 8:13 am

I have been getting hurt for the things I say…like physical violence isn’t worse than swearing.



cbd
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 12 Apr 2021
Gender: Male
Posts: 246

12 Jun 2021, 9:09 am

elaborate .. ?



Technic1
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 2 Apr 2021
Posts: 417
Location: Universe

12 Jun 2021, 9:14 am

Like getting physically violent with someone isn’t worse than words, it is!
‘-
Like an aspie having a word meltdown needs physical restraint?

Like an argument requires a punching violent fight…It doesn’t.



ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,137

12 Jun 2021, 4:51 pm

I used to have this "sticks and stones" idea that words are completely harmless, I used to think free speech was all-important, but I was wrong. Words can be very powerful, and it's often important to choose them carefully.



Technic1
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 2 Apr 2021
Posts: 417
Location: Universe

13 Jun 2021, 3:32 am

ToughDiamond wrote:
I used to have this "sticks and stones" idea that words are completely harmless, I used to think free speech was all-important, but I was wrong. Words can be very powerful, and it's often important to choose them carefully.


This is exactly my point, how do you improve your words?



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,605
Location: the island of defective toy santas

13 Jun 2021, 5:07 am

Technic1 wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
I used to have this "sticks and stones" idea that words are completely harmless, I used to think free speech was all-important, but I was wrong. Words can be very powerful, and it's often important to choose them carefully.


This is exactly my point, how do you improve your words?

by learning to deliberate, to slow down the verbal expression of thoughts until the frontal lobes have gotten a chance to be sorted out first. for smokers, they have a built-in delaying crutch to use, they just take a drag first, hold it in, then exhale before saying what is on their mind having given themselves good time to edit their thoughts for maximum utility and appropriateness.



ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,137

13 Jun 2021, 11:46 am

Technic1 wrote:
how do you improve your words?

Frankly my interpersonal style became rather less spontaneous when I realised how dangerous shooting my mouth off was. Probably not surprising. I guess the most important thing is to consider "is this likely to hurt their feelings?" before saying what's on my mind. To this day I'm still freshly amazed how much reassurance most people seem to need, how easy it is to offend them. It's as if the faintest suggestion of anything being inferior about them could seriously mess with their self-confidence. Makes little sense to me because if somebody says something "offensive" to me I usually just think "sez you," and it's rare that their words upset me. Over time a lot of the "filtering" becomes second-nature and some of the spontaneity comes back.



naturalplastic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2010
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 33,873
Location: temperate zone

13 Jun 2021, 12:41 pm

auntblabby wrote:
Technic1 wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
I used to have this "sticks and stones" idea that words are completely harmless, I used to think free speech was all-important, but I was wrong. Words can be very powerful, and it's often important to choose them carefully.


This is exactly my point, how do you improve your words?

by learning to deliberate, to slow down the verbal expression of thoughts until the frontal lobes have gotten a chance to be sorted out first. for smokers, they have a built-in delaying crutch to use, they just take a drag first, hold it in, then exhale before saying what is on their mind having given themselves good time to edit their thoughts for maximum utility and appropriateness.


In other words "make sure brain is engaged, before putting mouth into gear."



skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,295
Location: my own little world

13 Jun 2021, 1:55 pm

Technic1 wrote:
I have been getting hurt for the things I say…like physical violence isn’t worse than swearing.
Words can be incredibly painful. I am often severely affected by things people say to me to the point of making me dysfunctional and even suicidal. Verbal abuse is just as destructive as any other form of abuse.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,605
Location: the island of defective toy santas

13 Jun 2021, 11:17 pm

lower your expectations of most people, see them as they really are, as just wetware noisemakers, akin to furless upright-walking dogs, and give them the same wide berth.



Brainiac42
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Jun 2021
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 672

13 Jun 2021, 11:21 pm

auntblabby wrote:
lower your expectations of most people, see them as they really are, as just wetware noisemakers, akin to furless upright-walking dogs, and give them the same wide berth.


Hahahaha.



Technic1
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 2 Apr 2021
Posts: 417
Location: Universe

15 Jun 2021, 4:05 am

Do you believe in Telepathy?!?

Pictures in your mind are telepathy too, thinking about it!



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,605
Location: the island of defective toy santas

15 Jun 2021, 4:11 am

i have, when i was young, experienced telepathy. as i grew older, whatever facility i had seems to have grown rarer but not entirely absent. i have experienced mental pictures, often months or years ahead of time, that became manifest in the fullness of time.



shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,709

15 Jun 2021, 10:21 am

"actions speak louder than words"

Freedom of speech

"Loose lips sink ships"



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,605
Location: the island of defective toy santas

15 Jun 2021, 9:58 pm

a quote from one flew over the cuckoo's nest - "'a rolling stone gathers no moss' makes about as much sense, as 'don't wash your dirty underwear in public.'"



RadioDog
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jun 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 81
Location: Ionospheric F layer

15 Jun 2021, 10:32 pm

What everyone else has said.

Learning to keep my lips closed (most of the time) has saved me from a lot of pain and heartache in the last several years. Took me decades to figure it out finally. And I don't always manage to block that impulse to speak before it's too late. But it makes a world of difference.

Someone told me once "Your opinion rarely matters." And they weren't trying to be mean. But it's true, if you think about it: Does my opinion really matter to people above me in social rank? To people who are aquaintances or strangers to me? Even to friends and family when they are doing their own thing?

Rarely.


_________________
Professionally diagnosed: Autism Spectrum Disorder.

"Autism isn't an illness but it's a condition that messes with our ability to have our psychological needs met." - DuckHairback on this site.