NT Friends /people you know( you don't know)

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Cloudman
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31 Dec 2019, 9:20 pm

Does anyone on here really have anything in common with nt friends? I find myself being so polar opposite and the ones with the same interest find me obsessed it's a fine line between obsession and intrest or passion for aspies. I often times see this obsession if channeled properly can take you places tho can it help you connect with others... I wonder


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Aspiewordsmith
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02 Jan 2020, 10:24 am

I only had one friend who was NT in 1977 that didn't last long because he moved away and I last saw him back in 2005. . Others pretended to be my friend but only to see what they could get out of me and nothing more. I wasn't expected to have boundaries. Genuine friends from the non autistic community, forget it from my experience. Ignorance is an excuse and no one listens. Basically most people were basically trying to 'mug me off'. I do talk to some people , generally the way people talk to me. If they're fine with me then I am with them. But as a rule, there is no feelings of genuine friendship from NT people towards me just to see what I have to offer, nothing more than quid pro quo. :arrow:



pyrrhicwren
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02 Jan 2020, 10:31 am

Aspiewordsmith wrote:
I only had one friend who was NT in 1977 that didn't last long because he moved away and I last saw him back in 2005. . Others pretended to be my friend but only to see what they could get out of me and nothing more. I wasn't expected to have boundaries. Genuine friends from the non autistic community, forget it from my experience. Ignorance is an excuse and no one listens. Basically most people were basically trying to 'mug me off'. I do talk to some people , generally the way people talk to me. If they're fine with me then I am with them. But as a rule, there is no feelings of genuine friendship from NT people towards me just to see what I have to offer, nothing more than quid pro quo. :arrow:


I've been used like that too. Trying to play the NT game is exhausting. Many times I realized that my thoughts, desires, motivations, interests, and ways of thinking are misaligned with NT's social dictates. I don't even try anymore. I am still like a little kid however.


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livingwithautism
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03 Jan 2020, 9:46 pm

Maybe there is no "NT game." Consider that.



pyrrhicwren
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03 Jan 2020, 10:56 pm

livingwithautism wrote:
Maybe there is no "NT game." Consider that.


It's more a term of speech that people I grew up around use. It is a set of motivations, ambitions, goals, etc. Markedly different than autists that I have met and myself. It can be a game when you do what you have to, be who you have to be temporarily, and say what you have to say, to get what you want, to get where you are trying to get to. Most Aspie's I know are straight to the point and if they are sad they are sad, if they are happy they are happy. none of the spiraling speech with push and pull tension in conversation as an element of socio-emotional strategy. Many Aspie's I've met have no motivation nor desire to be someone else nor be ruthless for the sake of stacking successes; that desciptor fits into NPD & narcissism realm. As an HFA/ASP, it is draining to continue to attempt common neurotypical social banter for the sake of appearing normal. Blessings & happy new year.


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lvpin
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03 Jan 2020, 11:39 pm

I have had things in common but the crowd I usually am drawn to are NT but not normal. I am bored in "friendships" with NTs who like normal things and am often seen more as amusement and a thing to talk at. I do find thought that after being friends with me people tend to embrace the strange more and basically I go for people more on the outskirts and so find success. No success can be found for me with popular people, we cannot connect. Studying humanities is a help for me. In my college the humanities students are known as the weird/crazy ones.



Jakki
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05 Jan 2020, 11:14 am

everyone of these ... are written as though from my own keypad .. very succinct concepts about ..what " IS".
the overt appearances in communication. Representing entirely developmentally . different communications ,
methods .. in all honesty am starting to see need for , people whom could actually interpet some of the communications ? especially if having to deal with some bigger decisions involving a human beings life..

just a thought .........


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Fern
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05 Jan 2020, 9:09 pm

Cloudman wrote:
Does anyone on here really have anything in common with nt friends? I find myself being so polar opposite and the ones with the same interest find me obsessed it's a fine line between obsession and intrest or passion for aspies. I often times see this obsession if channeled properly can take you places tho can it help you connect with others... I wonder


Pretty much all people in my workplace are similarly obsessed with insects as I am. I once stayed 3 hours late at the end of a work day with two NT work friends, all of us on a quest to identify a wasp that fell out of my hair, just for funzies. They show up on Halloween dressed as their study insects. Sometimes we even show up at work matching because we all bought the same nerdy bug shirt online. You don't have to be on the spectrum to be obsessed, or in this case "passionate". If you're a research scientist at an R1, this is kind of a given. Besides, NTs can misunderstand us, and we them, but they can also be really nice. I love my NT friends and my ASD friends.



Fern
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05 Jan 2020, 9:25 pm

pyrrhicwren wrote:
Aspiewordsmith wrote:
I only had one friend who was NT in 1977 that didn't last long because he moved away and I last saw him back in 2005. . Others pretended to be my friend but only to see what they could get out of me and nothing more. I wasn't expected to have boundaries. Genuine friends from the non autistic community, forget it from my experience. Ignorance is an excuse and no one listens. Basically most people were basically trying to 'mug me off'. I do talk to some people , generally the way people talk to me. If they're fine with me then I am with them. But as a rule, there is no feelings of genuine friendship from NT people towards me just to see what I have to offer, nothing more than quid pro quo. :arrow:


I've been used like that too. Trying to play the NT game is exhausting. Many times I realized that my thoughts, desires, motivations, interests, and ways of thinking are misaligned with NT's social dictates. I don't even try anymore. I am still like a little kid however.


What you are both describing sounds like a sadly common occurrence for people on the spectrum. A very specific type of manipulative, two-faced NT. These social parasites look for vulnerable or trusting people like us to leech from. When I was younger it felt like this was the only kind of friend I could make. Now, I realize that those are just the hardest people to get to leave you alone, like ticks with their heads stuck into your skin. Once I got better at communicating in general, I found there were non-parasitic NT friends to be had too. Man! What you're talking about is real tho- people scary sometimes.



Cloudman
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06 Jan 2020, 7:56 am

Fern wrote:
pyrrhicwren wrote:
Aspiewordsmith wrote:
I only had one friend who was NT in 1977 that didn't last long because he moved away and I last saw him back in 2005. . Others pretended to be my friend but only to see what they could get out of me and nothing more. I wasn't expected to have boundaries. Genuine friends from the non autistic community, forget it from my experience. Ignorance is an excuse and no one listens. Basically most people were basically trying to 'mug me off'. I do talk to some people , generally the way people talk to me. If they're fine with me then I am with them. But as a rule, there is no feelings of genuine friendship from NT people towards me just to see what I have to offer, nothing more than quid pro quo. :arrow:


I've been used like that too. Trying to play the NT game is exhausting. Many times I realized that my thoughts, desires, motivations, interests, and ways of thinking are misaligned with NT's social dictates. I don't even try anymore. I am still like a little kid however.


What you are both describing sounds like a sadly common occurrence for people on the spectrum. A very specific type of manipulative, two-faced NT. These social parasites look for vulnerable or trusting people like us to leech from. When I was younger it felt like this was the only kind of friend I could make. Now, I realize that those are just the hardest people to get to leave you alone, like ticks with their heads stuck into your skin. Once I got better at communicating in general, I found there were non-parasitic NT friends to be had too. Man! What you're talking about is real tho- people scary sometimes.
yes its totally true. I had a nt or at least a person who gets along with nts say your like a dog I can do what I want to you an you will keep coming back. And a nt Gf tell me I think I will be your last GF and think my asd characteristics meant I was homosexual. Like not looking at her.


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Cloudman
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06 Jan 2020, 8:00 am

Fern wrote:
Cloudman wrote:
Does anyone on here really have anything in common with nt friends? I find myself being so polar opposite and the ones with the same interest find me obsessed it's a fine line between obsession and intrest or passion for aspies. I often times see this obsession if channeled properly can take you places tho can it help you connect with others... I wonder


Pretty much all people in my workplace are similarly obsessed with insects as I am. I once stayed 3 hours late at the end of a work day with two NT work friends, all of us on a quest to identify a wasp that fell out of my hair, just for funzies. They show up on Halloween dressed as their study insects. Sometimes we even show up at work matching because we all bought the same nerdy bug shirt online. You don't have to be on the spectrum to be obsessed, or in this case "passionate". If you're a research scientist at an R1, this is kind of a given. Besides, NTs can misunderstand us, and we them, but they can also be really nice. I love my NT friends and my ASD friends.

That is pretty awesome right there glad to hear that :!: I got a intrest in plants I hope to meet similar people


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Dear_one
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07 Jan 2020, 2:48 am

Cloudman wrote:
Does anyone on here really have anything in common with nt friends? I find myself being so polar opposite and the ones with the same interest find me obsessed it's a fine line between obsession and intrest or passion for aspies. I often times see this obsession if channeled properly can take you places tho can it help you connect with others... I wonder

Yes, my best friend is also intelligent, self-taught, helpful, and content with modest comforts. We have some similar habits, and spent years in the same other place. Our politics are more similar than those of others we know, and we can easily make each other laugh. We differ in diet, energy use, and volunteerism, and, of course, in ease of dealing with others. Most months, we visit twice, for an hour or so each time, and most years, we spend a few days together. Our ages are very close, but we have often had very different savings accounts, either way, and never had that affect our relationship.



pyrrhicwren
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08 Jan 2020, 9:20 am

Fern wrote:
pyrrhicwren wrote:
Aspiewordsmith wrote:
I only had one friend who was NT in 1977 that didn't last long because he moved away and I last saw him back in 2005. . Others pretended to be my friend but only to see what they could get out of me and nothing more. I wasn't expected to have boundaries. Genuine friends from the non autistic community, forget it from my experience. Ignorance is an excuse and no one listens. Basically most people were basically trying to 'mug me off'. I do talk to some people , generally the way people talk to me. If they're fine with me then I am with them. But as a rule, there is no feelings of genuine friendship from NT people towards me just to see what I have to offer, nothing more than quid pro quo. :arrow:


I've been used like that too. Trying to play the NT game is exhausting. Many times I realized that my thoughts, desires, motivations, interests, and ways of thinking are misaligned with NT's social dictates. I don't even try anymore. I am still like a little kid however.


What you are both describing sounds like a sadly common occurrence for people on the spectrum. A very specific type of manipulative, two-faced NT. These social parasites look for vulnerable or trusting people like us to leech from. When I was younger it felt like this was the only kind of friend I could make. Now, I realize that those are just the hardest people to get to leave you alone, like ticks with their heads stuck into your skin. Once I got better at communicating in general, I found there were non-parasitic NT friends to be had too. Man! What you're talking about is real tho- people scary sometimes.


Yeah depending upon someone on the spectrum's differing (subjective) life experiences, one may not see things this way. Unfortumately, I've seen the probably the most vicious side/basest nature of fellow humans. Not realted to nor limited to the following:

The vulnerability of (common in ASD/HFA) extreme empaths makes one a target for NPD/narcissists. This is an ongoing research topic based on asking myself why I would always meet those types of people. It is partly ASD and the socio-economic. A doctor I know gave me his reasearch books on this tpoic, it is mindblowing. There are strange statistics within ASD socializing. If I remember right, a person on the spectrum was 11x more likely to end up with a mate that has bipolar or some form of schizophrenia. I've seen more of the mid-range ASDs be more forgiving (as myself) and have it taken completely advantage of. I've previously known a few NPD/narcissists, when standing up for myself and making a psychological boundary with them -100% of the time- they retaliated viciously and long-term since that boundary pressed up against or fractured the ego. It's not worth the heartaches and troubles. The HFA/ASP community is truly where I find home.


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