I can't relate to anybody, even others with autism.

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I thought this would be a good time to let out this unease I've been having lately: a product of the dueling dynamics in my head. On one hand there's the lone wolf; I probably don't really need anybody to prosper beyond the minimal necessary interaction to climb the ladder in my area of interest. On the other hand there's the desire for genuine connection. Not even connection, just a comfortable, relatable constant. A person whom I am truly comfortable to say anything to without them being offended. A person whom doesn't necessarily need me around all the time and will give me my necessary space. A person whom I can relate to and talk to about the deeper thoughts in my mind. In wanting this I engage in various futile attempts at finding at. One thing I've learned my lesson on is trying to find such a person through various identities such as ASD, my hobbies, my views, and so forth. I learned that people with these same identities can still be too different from myself for me to have this with. So I guess it doesn't matter. This person could be neurotypical and not share all my interests and fit the bill. Most people are too simple minded to have the conversations I want, and the people who aren't are so caught up in their ego and life that talking to them is annoying at best. I have no desire for mere acquaintances anyhow, nor a romance. Just a static and comfortable individual I can relate to. It really isn't much to ask. But the world is so dysfunctional that finding anyone without some agenda or screwed up personality complex that they excuse with the excuse of "past trauma" or however they spin it, is nearly impossible. Here, here's a poem about my simple request to humanity-

I don't want no games or drama.
No lies or deception.
You blame it on mama
to hide from correction.
No more convoluted plots
based on trauma rooted thoughts
Just show me what you are
not something that your not.
No more erratic emotions
and sporadic ghostings.
I can see the good in you
without all the boasting.
No more devaluations
for cheap validations
I have such little patience
for such petty things.
No more excuses
for these abuses
You think I'm stupid?
You've made a mistake.
I tell it like it is,
shoot straight for the cerebellum
You tell it how you feel
too late for the care I tell em.
The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
It's all I ask, it's not much.
But in this world, it's not such.
Peace to whom with these words I touch.

Ok, that was pretty fun to write. But yeah, I'd just like a simple yet cerebral friend to relate to. I'm sorry if this offended anyone, I'm just venting.

Vent away dear heart, vent away.
No offence taken, and some sympathy felt.

Can you be that person for someone else? Friendship is usually a trade. Surrogate parents are in short supply.

It's a good question. I can be kind of unavailable on an emotional level and oftentimes I prefer isolation to dive into my interests and don't want to be bothered. If somebody didn't require me constantly but enjoyed a good conversation from time to time that'd be just fine. They'd need to tolerate my stream of consciousness however, and be able to give opinions and insights. And in return I'd listen to their own stream of consciousness. Ideally it'd be quite simple with little asking of eachother or ulterior motives. They'd also have to be ok with a more cerebral kind of expression. Now that can become true emotional appreciation but I'm not the kind to share that because it could mess up the simplicity, which I cherish.

^ Humans like that exist: I married one.
Probabilities may be stacked against you, but there is hope nonetheless.

I have a hard time understanding why anyone puts any energy into masking their reality. It makes me tired when I am put in a position where I have to leave reality and enter the world of the ego. It is not acceptable in this world to accept that we may be quite boring to ... everyone. I don't know why I'd care. How could I ever expect my reality to be anyone else's? I am interested to hear about someone's reality but I don't long for theirs. I only long for mine and because it is mine and it is very interesting to me. I'm completely cool with no one understanding it.

"Past trauma" can be stretched into an excuse, but dealing with it when fresh is something no friend should ignore. Having AS is like an original trauma that sets broad limits on our lives, and then our environment trims it further. We should not expect to meet others who have managed to grow only by attraction, never repulsion.

I was lucky the 2nd time and married someone that can deal with my autism and not try to manipulate me.

1. You have to give to get.
2. You are the common thread in all your interactions with people. If you’re constantly having problems connecting to people, take a hard look at yourself and see what needs to change. I’ve had to do this a few times, and I’m working on it right now again.

I understand.

I am highly extroverted so "everyone knows me" (but I don't stay connected) and I happened upon a person in college and due to her social motivation we are BFFs decades later. She is ASD-like, but our strengths and weaknesses (and personalities) complement each other. I am lucky. She would say she is too.

I hope you find the person you relate to, find that connection.

(BTW - I am married also; we relate some)

This song probably accurately depicts how I've been lately-