Why are Neurotypicals so mean?
Sad.
Anybody can be a jerk, but it is Aspies that often get criticised by the general population for not understanding NTs and get accused of lacking empathy (and Aspies believe it themselves ) while NTs not understanding Aspies seem to just be an inevitable thing but all NTs are still automatically in the "have excellent empathy" category.
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Female
dyadiccounterpoint
Velociraptor
Joined: 31 Jan 2019
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 464
Location: Nashville
Fair disclaimer: Personal biases about "how people generally are" incoming.
Children are the means of immortality for people who will never have statues made of them or entries in history texts. You are an extension of their status. Everything they are working for... burning themselves out in meaningless wage-labor.... investments made that could have purchased hedonistic living... all of it they are doing in order to attempt to make their clan into nobility eventually.
In primate hierarchical cultures that most resemble ours, this jockeying for generational social power is "everything."
At the same time, our society conditions us to value sociable, industrious behavior as the means to status. This is how someone acquires resource abundance, genetically ideal breeding partners, and the deference of one's peers.
Therefore, if my assessment is accurate in this circumstance, your mother is stressed that you are not enhancing her, and your own, legacy by raising your dynastic position. She probably sees the nagging on these issues as in your best interest for your future happiness, because status, sex, and power = happiness in the minds of many.
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We seldom realize, for example, that our most private thoughts and emotions are not actually our own. For we think in terms of languages and images which we did not invent, but which were given to us by our society - Alan Watts
"You don't have any friends."
"You need to stop asking salespeople for their opinion. You need some friends whom you can go shopping together with so that you can consult your friends for their opinion."
"Do you still hang out with any old friends? Other people have friends whom they are still keeping in touch from their childhood days, and you don't have any friends."
"I bet you won't have any bridesmaid when you get married in future, since you don't have any friends."
"You can't even hold down a job."
"You keep getting fired from every job you had."
"Others who are the same age as you are so successful in life and you are still at nowhere in life."
To be perfectly honest, as someone else said here, this just sounds like a toxic parent to me. The last line you wrote is just outright bullying. I’m sure when you describe “NTs” you’re not referring to every NT, but I’ve noticed throughout my life that an unusually high number of NTs seem to fall on the narcissist/sociopath spectrum. As someone in this thread also said, it seems as if a lot of NTs view almost every situation in life as a “winning and losing” situation and seem to approach every situation with that mindset. Maybe your mother sees your success (or lack thereof) as an extension of herself and you not fitting a specific mold is some sort of narcissistic injury.
I’m not trying to diagnose your mother over the internet. I just think a large portion of our society tends to promote values which are consistent with cluster B personality disorders and that your mother may have subconsciously absorbed this throughout her life, whether she’s aware of it or not.