Struggling to work out if arrogance or overload

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TuskenR
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05 May 2020, 12:53 pm

I'm struggling to work out if what I'm feeling is arrogance ( arrogance is not the right word but the best I have ) , something different or I'm just overloading. It usually happens when someone talks a lot. I'm not a great talker so conversations are usually one way with me unless I find it interesting. I try to listen but my mind is usually begging for the person to shut up as I don't want to hear. This has got worse as I've got older so not sure if it is autism , ADD ( not diagnosed ) or I'm just rude and need to accept it. Anyone else have this problem?


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Karamazov
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05 May 2020, 1:01 pm

Yes, and like you it’s got worse as I’ve got older.
It feels like the other person talking is a series of physical impacts in my head: hammer blows for plosives and stabs for sibilants.
Also feel pulsing in my temples.
It does seem to correlate with emotionally difficult conversations, although I’ve only been aware of that for a few days after something another member posted triggered me to make the connection: up until then I’d assumed it was a straight sensory issue (because I have that with human voices anyway: particularly whispering & rapping).
No connection with how worthwhile I think the conversation is though.

Also:
Welcome to WP! :D



TuskenR
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05 May 2020, 1:13 pm

Thanks for the welcome. I'm glad it's not just me but also disheartened it happens to you , it's horrible. I shall have to be more observant about emotionally difficult conversations to see if this has any correlation.


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Karamazov
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05 May 2020, 1:20 pm

Yes, I’m quite pleased(?-not quite the right word) to know someone else has a similar issue: but yes, it’s not nice is it?

How does it feel for you?

I sometimes get a feeling of a very hot line across the top of my head and then meltdown ensues if I can’t escape to silence.

Knowing correlations is good: I haven’t had time to work out what to do with mine that I recently realised, but hopefully will do so in time.



TuskenR
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05 May 2020, 1:41 pm

It's difficult to put in words what happens , I don't have the right language? I notice changes in my hearing and sight , colours can get more vibrant or can look drained. Voices seem to change to an annoying rotation frequency , almost a whirring , and any other noise is a distraction and appears more interesting to my mind . I start to look inwards and try and tell myself to listen , seem interested. I am not mute but at these times I feel mute except for 'yes' , 'no' and 'don't know'. The worst thing for me is knowing this is not normal behaviour and although I would love to be able to shut people down , escape & blame autism , I can't live my life like that. I feel like I'm turning into someone who cannot pass anymore.


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Karamazov
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05 May 2020, 2:14 pm

Ah, so different sensations, but still an alarming and painful experience from the sound of it! :(
I get totally overwhelmed by the voice, can’t focus on the words themselves and my thought stream becomes a mass of shattered fragments with not order or coherence.
I can be mute, but not all the time: in that situation I do go completely mute though: well, no formed thoughts to voice so not really surprising.

I see very few people in a social way, my work requires little in the way of human interaction: the only person who sees me like that is my wife... she is very understanding but finds this one very hard to cope with, particularly when meltdown occurs.
She’s asked me to do agreed hand signals to let her know when it’s happening so she can respond accordingly: I haven’t remembered the last few times so can’t report how well that works in practice, but in theory if I do it could be good.

No, it’s not normal, but I don’t think of admitting it as blaming autism: it’s just acknowledging the reality of the situation.

I’m not sure if I ever really passed tbh, just did what I thought was required: and was wrong more often than not! :lol:



TuskenR
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07 May 2020, 3:15 pm

It sounds very similar but different at the same time - not sure if that makes sense. Nobody really knows the extent of my issues but I'd like to introduce a hand signal to some people , that seems like a useful tool.
I don't know if I actually passed , it was only something I questioned after I read about passing , before that it wasn't an issue.


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07 May 2020, 4:22 pm

TuskenR wrote:
I'm struggling to work out if what I'm feeling is arrogance ( arrogance is not the right word but the best I have ) , something different or I'm just overloading. It usually happens when someone talks a lot. I'm not a great talker so conversations are usually one way with me unless I find it interesting. I try to listen but my mind is usually begging for the person to shut up as I don't want to hear. This has got worse as I've got older so not sure if it is autism , ADD ( not diagnosed ) or I'm just rude and need to accept it. Anyone else have this problem?
Just from reading this, it definitely sounds like overload to me. It's just too many words for your brain to process at the speed at which they are coming. I struggle with that as well and sometimes have headbanging meltdowns because of it. It's conversation information overload. It gets worse as we get older for two reasons. First, there is cumulative PTSD that develops because of it and that affects us and makes it worse. Second, as PTSD accumulates over years and decades,we become weaker and less able to deal with the stresses that assault us like overloads and sensory stresses and other neurological, psychological, emotional, and even physical stresses. It is a tough battle but one that is so common to so many of us. We might all experience it in different ways and in different degrees but it is very common. I am actually now trying to qualify with my doctor for supplemental oxygen because these stresses are now severely affecting my ability to breathe.


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07 May 2020, 4:30 pm

Karamazov wrote:
Yes, and like you it’s got worse as I’ve got older.
It feels like the other person talking is a series of physical impacts in my head: hammer blows for plosives and stabs for sibilants.
Also feel pulsing in my temples.
It does seem to correlate with emotionally difficult conversations, although I’ve only been aware of that for a few days after something another member posted triggered me to make the connection: up until then I’d assumed it was a straight sensory issue (because I have that with human voices anyway: particularly whispering & rapping).
No connection with how worthwhile I think the conversation is though.

Also:
Welcome to WP! :D
YES!! !! ! ^^^^ This is my experience as well. I believe that you are 100% correct.


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07 May 2020, 4:32 pm

TuskenR wrote:
Thanks for the welcome. I'm glad it's not just me but also disheartened it happens to you , it's horrible. I shall have to be more observant about emotionally difficult conversations to see if this has any correlation.
Yes. It is critical that you control what conversations you expose yourself to. This is very important. You won't be able to avoid all of them but do the best you can to keep them few and far between and as much as possible, whenever you can, have emotional conversations in writing instead of verbally. This will help mitigate the negative effects.


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Karamazov
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08 May 2020, 3:27 am

@skibum: I get the shortness of breath too, it’s like my body’s being put through as much exhaustion as a full day’s work on hard landscaping in the space of less than ten minutes.
Even find long conversations that don’t trigger a meltdown response leave me worn out for hours afterwards: like my mind is all woolly and fuzzy, takes a lot of effort to get anything done at all, let alone done properly.

I think you might be onto something with the past trauma connection: since I was drawn to realise that there’s an emotional component as to whether or not meltdown occurs it seems credible that there is a connection there with past negative experiences which were heavily meltdown triggering in their own right. More self-observation required there though.



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08 May 2020, 8:59 am

Karamazov wrote:
@skibum: I get the shortness of breath too, it’s like my body’s being put through as much exhaustion as a full day’s work on hard landscaping in the space of less than ten minutes.
Even find long conversations that don’t trigger a meltdown response leave me worn out for hours afterwards: like my mind is all woolly and fuzzy, takes a lot of effort to get anything done at all, let alone done properly.

I think you might be onto something with the past trauma connection: since I was drawn to realise that there’s an emotional component as to whether or not meltdown occurs it seems credible that there is a connection there with past negative experiences which were heavily meltdown triggering in their own right. More self-observation required there though.
I have spoken to several Autistics IRL who are reporting the same symptoms. I started a new thread with the word SCARY in it. It's about the conversation I had with the doctor about supplemental oxygen. When I described this to the doctor and told her my theory about why it's happening she said it makes perfect sense and she thinks I am right. Definitely check out that thread.


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Karamazov
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08 May 2020, 9:08 am

^ Cheers, think I skimmed past it on the feed earlier: I’ll take a look :)



TuskenR
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14 May 2020, 7:20 am

Sorry skibum I didnt get a notification of your reply , and sorry if my post made things worse for you.


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skibum
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14 May 2020, 6:39 pm

TuskenR wrote:
Sorry skibum I didnt get a notification of your reply , and sorry if my post made things worse for you.
Oh no, Tusken, not at all. There was no problem for me at all with your post. But thank you so much. You and I are totally fine. No problems at all.


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