Do you detest people stating the obvious to you?
I do the same without intending it, for some reason I get accused of being “patronising” when this happens.
2 things:
1. I used to feel insulted also.
2. I used to do it myself, but now I add "you probably know this" and/or "I am just sharing".
The thing is,
I don't get insulted these days if someone treats me as though I am stupid or ignorant.
The difference being,
I have enormous self-confidence in myself now and just shrug it off.
I find it odd that people are so sensitive to someone else's attitude.
As I said,
I used to be also.
But now, I literally laugh (on the inside) when I catch myself reacting that way.
It is, after all, the other person who is presumptuous/foolish, right?
I do the same without intending it, for some reason I get accused of being “patronising” when this happens.
2 things:
1. I used to feel insulted also.
2. I used to do it myself, but now I add "you probably know this" and/or "I am just sharing".
The thing is,
I don't get insulted these days if someone treats me as though I am stupid or ignorant.
The difference being,
I have enormous self-confidence in myself now and just shrug it off.
I find it odd that people are so sensitive to someone else's attitude.
As I said,
I used to be also.
But now, I literally laugh (on the inside) when I catch myself reacting that way.
It is, after all, the other person who is presumptuous/foolish, right?
Well, I do laugh at such things quite often... although usually out loud.
Which can lead to enhanced irritation levels from the other human(s) in question.
To be honest the irritated thought I get these days is ”yes, yes: I know all that, can we skip to the next bit before my appetite for face to face sociability & capacity to cope with the sound of human speech are exhausted?”
I do get confused by the way the words “patronising” and “arrogant” are used.
How was saying I wasn’t much good at French and didn’t understand why I was in the top class for that subject arrogant? I’m not annoyed by this, and wasn’t at the time: but twenty-two years on the word choice still puzzles me.
Why does trying to explain the complex web of interlocking & competing jurisdictions in medieval feudal societies count as patronising when the person I was talking to clearly didn’t know anything about the matter?
Again, no irritation: bafflement at the word choice, what was it they wanted to mean?
I am pattern learner and once I learn a pattern, it doesn't take me very long to see the big picture. For client families, this means I don't need to hear the entire song and dance in order to understand what needs to be done. But families and providers feel the need to talk about their problems at great length. I used to have patience for this, but I don't anymore. I want to just say, "I got it, let's move on to fix it," but most people can't handle that.
It does drive me nuts when people in the Agency office instruct me on some simple process or concept as if I don't know what I am doing, and I even get that patronizing tone sometimes from them. At the rate of turnover in Agency staff, most of the people, even ones in higher positions, don't know anywhere near as much as I do about procedures and solving problems. I don't need to waste time going through their song and dance. But I have learned that patience and politeness gets my clients better results than me showing off my expertise and annoyance.
_________________
The river is the melody
And sky is the refrain - Gordon Lightfoot
Dear_one
Veteran
Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 75
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,717
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines
A very wise business writer says that if you think that something goes without saying, you should say it to check before getting farther into negotiations. If you are expecting new data, and getting burned, that is irritating, but if you are checking that you both agree on some basics, that is reassuring. I tend to get irritated if someone repeats the same point. In conversation, a quick nod, sometimes with eye contact, will get them to move on, but in videos, I have to endure 3 versions while the slow class catches on. There is also a vast range in what is obvious to different people.
Well, I do laugh at such things quite often... although usually out loud.
Which can lead to enhanced irritation levels from the other human(s) in question.
To be honest the irritated thought I get these days is ”yes, yes: I know all that, can we skip to the next bit before my appetite for face to face sociability & capacity to cope with the sound of human speech are exhausted?”
I do get confused by the way the words “patronising” and “arrogant” are used.
How was saying I wasn’t much good at French and didn’t understand why I was in the top class for that subject arrogant? I’m not annoyed by this, and wasn’t at the time: but twenty-two years on the word choice still puzzles me.
Why does trying to explain the complex web of interlocking & competing jurisdictions in medieval feudal societies count as patronising when the person I was talking to clearly didn’t know anything about the matter?
Again, no irritation: bafflement at the word choice, what was it they wanted to mean?
What most people seem to miss is the *attitude* behind what is said.
Sharing is one thing,
But having a patronising attitude, while saying it, is another. <shrug>
I generally just avoid people in RL.
Problem solved.
Then you would have a problem with me too.
I like to go over the same thing, over and over again.
I have come to the conclusion it is a type of mental "Stimming"
Dear_one
Veteran
Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 75
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,717
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines
How was saying I wasn’t much good at French and didn’t understand why I was in the top class for that subject arrogant? I’m not annoyed by this, and wasn’t at the time: but twenty-two years on the word choice still puzzles me.
Why does trying to explain the complex web of interlocking & competing jurisdictions in medieval feudal societies count as patronising when the person I was talking to clearly didn’t know anything about the matter?
Again, no irritation: bafflement at the word choice, what was it they wanted to mean?
Sometimes, people just get their words mixed up.
Well, I do laugh at such things quite often... although usually out loud.
Which can lead to enhanced irritation levels from the other human(s) in question.
To be honest the irritated thought I get these days is ”yes, yes: I know all that, can we skip to the next bit before my appetite for face to face sociability & capacity to cope with the sound of human speech are exhausted?”
I do get confused by the way the words “patronising” and “arrogant” are used.
How was saying I wasn’t much good at French and didn’t understand why I was in the top class for that subject arrogant? I’m not annoyed by this, and wasn’t at the time: but twenty-two years on the word choice still puzzles me.
Why does trying to explain the complex web of interlocking & competing jurisdictions in medieval feudal societies count as patronising when the person I was talking to clearly didn’t know anything about the matter?
Again, no irritation: bafflement at the word choice, what was it they wanted to mean?
What most people seem to miss is the *attitude* behind what is said.
Sharing is one thing,
But having a patronising attitude, while saying it, is another. <shrug>
I generally just avoid people in RL.
Problem solved.
Ahhh....
Mrs K has told me that I’m unreadable, and it took her a while to not just project onto me whatever intent on my part would best justify her own emotional autopilot.
So if the mere act of sharing x knowledge triggers a given individual due to whatever insecurity, they’ll assume I was purposefully seeking to put them down or display superiority?
Even though I only wanted to help them have a more nuanced understanding of the issue?
Because they just see their own insecurity reflected back at them?
How was saying I wasn’t much good at French and didn’t understand why I was in the top class for that subject arrogant? I’m not annoyed by this, and wasn’t at the time: but twenty-two years on the word choice still puzzles me.
Why does trying to explain the complex web of interlocking & competing jurisdictions in medieval feudal societies count as patronising when the person I was talking to clearly didn’t know anything about the matter?
Again, no irritation: bafflement at the word choice, what was it they wanted to mean?
Sometimes, people just get their words mixed up.
Yeah, that does happen.
Add in colloquial usages that haven’t made it to dictionaries
Well, I do laugh at such things quite often... although usually out loud.
Which can lead to enhanced irritation levels from the other human(s) in question.
To be honest the irritated thought I get these days is ”yes, yes: I know all that, can we skip to the next bit before my appetite for face to face sociability & capacity to cope with the sound of human speech are exhausted?”
I do get confused by the way the words “patronising” and “arrogant” are used.
How was saying I wasn’t much good at French and didn’t understand why I was in the top class for that subject arrogant? I’m not annoyed by this, and wasn’t at the time: but twenty-two years on the word choice still puzzles me.
Why does trying to explain the complex web of interlocking & competing jurisdictions in medieval feudal societies count as patronising when the person I was talking to clearly didn’t know anything about the matter?
Again, no irritation: bafflement at the word choice, what was it they wanted to mean?
What most people seem to miss is the *attitude* behind what is said.
Sharing is one thing,
But having a patronising attitude, while saying it, is another. <shrug>
I generally just avoid people in RL.
Problem solved.
Ahhh....
Mrs K has told me that I’m unreadable, and it took her a while to not just project onto me whatever intent on my part would best justify her own emotional autopilot.
So if the mere act of sharing x knowledge triggers a given individual due to whatever insecurity, they’ll assume I was purposefully seeking to put them down or display superiority?
Even though I only wanted to help them have a more nuanced understanding of the issue?
Because they just see their own insecurity reflected back at them?
Yup.
Funny how so many people put their own spin on what "you" say.
A lot of people don't have a developed "Critical Thinking" skill and choose to invoke their "Emotional Spirit" instead.
Am I sounding arrogant yet?
If not,
I'll try harder.
Dear_one
Veteran
Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 75
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,717
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines
I wish I could have become a truck driver. But not in cities.
For her birthday, my sister got a special one-day course in driving highway tractors. She loved it. There is also an old Road & Track with the story of a visit to the Kenworth school by a racing driver.
Back on topic, sometimes stating the obvious is just for a joke. I saw my friend driving a tractor, and started pretending to direct him.
I don't get too cranky about it, in case I deter people from stating the non-obvious. And I am very aware that my idea of what constitutes obvious and non-obvious things is substantially different from most people's. Practicality over pride.
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You're so vain
I bet you think this sig is about you
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