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magz
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04 Aug 2020, 4:42 am

I think it's an issue of having "spiky profile of intelligence", high IQ, relative success and... lack of social intuition or how is it called - difficulty noticing all the factors that make it "obvious" that a person saying X didn't mean X but Y.
People just don't believe your genuine confusion when they know you from the "very intelligent" side. So they interpret you as intentionally malicious when you miss "the obvious" and act according to literal meaning of what they say.
It was very stressful to me when my mother misinterpreted me that way. I was really trying to be good, I tried to create a dictionary of her indirect meanings but of course it often failed and again I was "intentionally twisting what she obviously meant".

Does anyone relate?


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Dear_one
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04 Aug 2020, 4:49 am

Absolutely. Only recently have I come to grips with what it means to have an EQ less than half of an IQ. I had always assumed that the socially adept were just kidding about not knowing math to get out of work, etc. I am still talking over their heads, and not actually helping them understand things, generally blocked by what they "already know," which causes instant, emotional dismissal.
When I would spend days helping people fix their houses, and then ask for an hour's help in dealing with people, they would look at me as if I was crazy, not just specialized.



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04 Aug 2020, 4:54 am

Yes, in more ways than one.


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MrsPeel
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04 Aug 2020, 4:54 am

Yes I think so.
Like when I ask questions to try to get clarification of what someone meant, it's often not taken as a genuine question. People think I'm indirectly questioning their judgement, or I'm being fascetious or sarcastic.

Even with little things, like out shopping a family member was going to buy a cabbage and I asked them how they would wash it. Because I don't often buy cabbage and I was looking at it wondering whether one is supposed to pull apart all the layers and washes them individually, or whether one sliced it into chunks and washed each. Just wondering, you know. But of course they took that to mean I disagreed with the decision to buy a cabbage, and I was telling them to get something else. And that I didn't trust them to wash veggies properly, or something :?



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04 Aug 2020, 5:50 am

It could easily be that way when I was growing up, I can relate to a 'no win' situation; the habit of viewing you that way is established and after a while, no one wants to believe you are confused, as it's easier to decide that the words or actions were intentionally malicious as first impressions suggested they were.

I suppose acknowledging a persons confusion might be seen as admitting fault, or being put in a position where you have to make things right with the person you misinterpreted.


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strings
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04 Aug 2020, 7:25 am

Yes, I've had this problem all my life. Like in English lessons at school when we were told to write an essay about something, but the teacher hadn't properly defined what it was we were to write about; if I started asking questions to try to clarify what I was meant to be doing, I would be criticised for being flippant or stupid.

And in countless other examples through the years, where people would hint at what they were trying to convey but without spelling it out properly, expecting me to be able to read their mind. Which usually just isn't going to happen!

Not to mention all the times when ambiguities in instructions arise. I'll then be asking something like "when you say on the right, do you mean the right as seen from where you are, or the right as seen from where I am, facing you?" And instead of the person understanding the ambiguity and providing a simple clarification, they will accuse me of being deliberately pedantic and obtuse.

You can't win...



LisaM1031
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04 Aug 2020, 11:15 am

I totally relate to this. I would get criticized as a child for being “shy” and “why don’t you talk more?”. The “shy” behavior stemmed mostly from not knowing HOW to interact or what to say, how to relate to peers, etc. People didn’t seem to understand that it was more than just fear or anxiety. I’m actually fairly intelligent (always top 10% on any standardized test), but a nasty boss once said about me “if something isn’t said in a specific way she doesn’t get it.” Clearly hinting that I was dumb when she knew full well that I wasn’t. As someone else said here, I also sometimes feel like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Like I’ll be criticized for being a certain way, then I’ll try to change it and get criticized for the opposite.



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04 Aug 2020, 11:44 am

Yes, definitely! The worst was when I'd get confused with my parents, taking them literally, asking for general clarification and I'd get the "Don't be a smart aleck."



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04 Aug 2020, 12:13 pm

When I was a kid, other kids just thought I was slow or "retarded" and I was labeled as having language disorder and communication so I think I was given a free pass for this problem. My mom let me ask lot of questions and would spend her time explaining things to me.

Sounds like your Mom didn't really understand you OP.


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