Sensitivity to places!! !

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I’ve been diagnosed with high functioning autism and all my life I’ve been plagued by a dark undercurrent of anxiety, along with bouts of depression. A big phobia of mine is thinking that I’m alone with a certain feeling, or fear. When I’m troubled with a bout of anxiety it’s like I’m the only person in the world who is feeling as bad as this and there is no help due to its severity. This makes me feel lost and very hopeless and it’s the scariest feeling in the world for me, so I thought coming to the forums on here might find me someone who can relate and ease my worry? I’d really appreciate anyone taking the time to read this.

I have a whole host of problems, but what seems to be a particularly strong one is a sensitivity to certain places, particularly unfamiliar ones. Now I know it’s fairly common for somebody with autism to feel fear in new places, I just feel that my issue with it is quite chronic, to the point that the older I get the more sensitive I become. I can walk into a certain place, be it a house, building, park, office, shop etc and feel extreme darkness and terror, a huge depressive feeling will take over my mind and I just want to leave, it doesn’t matter if there are people/loud noise or any other exterior stimulus there or not I just get an awful vibe from the place in general. It could even be a place that most people perceive as pleasant, but for me it just floods my mind with dread. This can happen in places I’ve already been multiple times, but it’s definitely more so in places that are unfamiliar to me, and no amount of exposure therapy will work, the harder I push myself, the more I get traumatised by it and just want to stay in my house and not leave.

I can have good days, and on the flip side I do get places that make me feel the opposite and give me feelings of warmth and joy and I just want to stay there forever. But if my mental health is particularly bad at the time, then I can even get these bad feelings when I’m IN my house with my family, for no reason, the house just will suddenly feel dark and different like it’s the first time I’ve been there. I absolutely despise these feelings and want more than anything not to feel them, but it’s been 33 years and they haven’t shifted, so I just want to find others that may have the same thing so I don’t feel like I’m on my own. Places seem to be the epicentre of my mental struggles, they play a big part in my intrusive thoughts, just like a trauma victim would have flash backs of the event itself, I literally get flashbacks of places I’ve been that I didn’t like and it will then darken my mind and thoughts almost like I’m physically there. The past few days have been bad so I thought now is the time to get it out there and see what comes back. If you have read this then thank you so much, it means a lot to me even if you don’t reply. But if you can relate in anyway, please do and help me feel a bit better!! !

James.

Welcome to Wrong Planet James

I have not felt what you have described but hopefully someone here might be able to relate.

Yes I have this all my life. it can be good but also bad.

this was the main reason my dad with no other logic given decided to pull me out of college before my 2nd term was even over-
and send us all overnight (next morning he spontaneously booked the flight) to live in another country. he stayed behind but he was convinced i had to leave the place to feel better.
the college itself was great (i suppose?) but i got a horrible feeling constantly in it.. and cried for no reason panic attacks etc ..
for no reason.
this place had CHOCOLATE FOUNTAINS on every floor among other things. luxury. happy people. easy grades.
but i could NOT handle it.
the vibes. it was not right for me.

and finally told them about it..
the way it is.. i know what you're talking about.
vibes. yup. totally.

my dad also gets this- but not to my degree. much less- it's more observation-based but the vibe thing is there too, so he just DARTS. lol
he would just move every year or every other year, basically. but that's not a real way of fixing it.

welbutrin helps me HUGELY now.

so much so that i barely notice that feeling - and even if i do it doesnt affect me especially not to that degree. 450 mg. mentioning in case it might work for you

also therapy (state: for 'agoraphobia' ).
betterhelp.com is great if u dont want to leave home. they also lower price if u press that u want to exit for financial reasons.. financial assistance = discount.

this is the only thing that made a difference (sustained) and only once i got on 450 mg (a couple of months ago) was it totally effective. before i still experienced as u say
https://www.verywellmind.com/wellbutrin ... ts-1066745

along with b complex n whatnot (certain supplements do help- which is felt if one stops taking them)

Thank you for your reply Oh_no_its_Ferris,

That’s very kind of you and I really appreciate it

Thank you for your reply AuroraBorealisGazer,

Yes your description was great, this is definitely something I’ve always experienced, I could be a billionaire standing in the sun on top of a beautiful mountain, and if that feeling creeps in, it’s all of a sudden awful and I can’t enjoy or appreciate anything. Just want to escape until it’s worn off

Thank you for your reply blooiejagwa,

Its a big relief that someone knows where I’m coming from, I can totally relate to your experience at college, I’ve been like that in every situation regarding starting new things like a job or further education. Just want to run home and never go back ever. I’d like to be able to handle these things but I just can’t, I work part time at the moment and it’s literally all I’ve ever been able to handle. I’m glad that you have had a positive experience with Wellbutrin, I was trialled on it a few years ago but the brain fog and blunted emotions made me feel worse, Prozac is the only thing I have ever been able to tolerate, although it doesn’t do that much! It’s drugs that focus on the GABA system like Valium etc that work wonders for me, but they aren’t long term solutions and very addictive and being in recovery from alcoholism I have to avoid them. Which is a shame. I certainly feel better knowing I’m not alone though, so thank you for taking the time to reply to me!!

Have you spoken to your GP about this? I'm guessing that as you've had medication you probably have. Ask to be referred to your local mental health team. There are lots of ways to help with this and you are certainly not alone.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

One of the stressors that Aspies experience is a fear of change. So if you are in a new surrounding you are set adrift is a sea of the unknown.

Strange and new environments have have been my biggest enemy for as long as I can remember. I mean, I selfishly got relieved when the quarantine orders went out (I know I’m not the only one).

The only place I routinely go to is the neighborhood super market that is conveniently located within walking distance of my house. But, even in a store I’ve shopped in a million times, I ALWAYS get anxious, ALWAYS avoid aisles with more than 2 people on them, and I ALWAYS freak out when someone gets within 5 feet of me and quickly walk away. I have thought about ordering my groceries online, but I feel like I need to get out at least a little (plus I don’t want anyone else touching or choosing my items lol).

I used to long for the ability to get out in the community and be self confident, but at this point in my life I’m content keeping mostly to myself. I banned myself from social media (long story) and after nearly 8 years I have returned to WP. I had to make a new SN, but I’m just glad to be back here with people that understand. Good to be back!

I love you all for being so kind and replying!!

I laughed about the isolation comment, I too was really sad when it all started going back to normal, right in the middle of the lockdown I took my dog for a walk in the evening and the town was empty, almost post-apocalyptic, and it was absolutely beautiful I was in heaven, I have a complete and utter intolerance to reality!

Yes I am already under a mental health team but I’ve got to wait till end of September for all the restrictions to go down before I can start seeing the psychiatrist again. I’ve read a lot about off label medications that aspies have really benefited from so hopefully they’ll try me on one of those now that they’ve tried me on all the other stuff, SSRI’s etc to no avail!!