People on the spectrum and children

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How common is it for people on the spectrum not to want children? I've already seen a few comments here about it.

I don't want any and neither does my partner. Seems to be less unusual these days, but some people still make stupid comments about it.

Each of us has good reasons for this, it's not a whim and we get a lot of advantages from it. I can barely imagine how stressful and difficult raising kids must be for someone on the spectrum.

So how about you? And if you don't, are people being annoying about it?

I want children, and my partner doesn't mind one way or another, as he already had children from a previous marriage. But my severe phobia of pain and vomiting prevents me from getting pregnant, as pregnancy can involve pain, vomiting and other uncertainties.
Adoption is sadly not an option because I've looked into it and it says that you have to be very rich for some reason, and we are not rich (my boyfriend doesn't even have a job). And surrogacy costs a lot of money and we don't have it.

If I was a guy then yeah I would have a kid, because all guys can do is enjoy the baby and not have to suffer through the pregnancy.

If I ever somehow got married I'd like to have kids. I'm not sure how many. It isn't very stressful for me to take care of children, but it's because animals are harder in my opinion.

The only thing I worry about is if they were had naturally (instead of adopting) one or more of them could develop ASD, as it's on both sides of my family and obviously due to hereditary genetic causes.

I'm not concerned about taking care of them since it can be easier for me to take care of kids with ASD than NT children (mainly because my life experiences are similar), but thinking about them having to deal with other people and fight for proper support is quite stressful.

It is the reason why I would be scared to have children. I don't want my future wife to be in pain.
But it would be nice to have a wife one day...

Yes I wanted children. My wife and I had two and they turned out just fine. Now they are married and we have 5 grandchildren and they are turning out just fine too.

Most women don't really overthink about the physical distress they will go through during pregnancy and childbirth, otherwise they would only do it once.


This is also another thing that puts me off having children. So many Aspie parents here seem to have multiple children on the spectrum and it all sounds like a chaotic tangle of unique problems and worries. (I bolded "unique" because I know people will miss out that word and assume that I'm talking about all 'normal' children are perfect and easy to bring up).

Children with special needs usually mean years of challenging behaviour, social workers, assessments, psychiatrists, therapists, bullying and social isolation (higher risk than NT children), and co-mordids are more common like anxiety, depression, stress and even suicidal behaviour.

My kids are both NT. I think there is a 50% chance for it once your partner is NT. My kids are both fine but I wish I had a child that's a bit more like me as well.

Been there, done that. Raised a deaf PDD-NOS granddaughter too.

That's a relief to know that someone here actually has biological NT (or at least allistic) children. I heard somewhere that the faulty autistic gene comes from the father's side (even if the father isn't on the spectrum), but my boyfriend seems to come from a rather extroverted NT family and he's barely even heard of autism because he's never had to deal with it. So hopefully (if we ever have children) they will get his genes and be 'normal'.

My father was as NT as they come.

I am the only autistic in my whole blood family.

I would have loved to have a child—but only now, at almost 60, am I mature enough to properly care for a child.

There’s too much emphasis on genetics.

Autistic folks have both NT and autistic children. Many are successful parents.

Glad to hear things worked out so well for you

For the record, my reasons for not wanting children have nothing to do with genetics. I actually find it very irritating when people comment that "it's a shame" that I won't pass on my looks and I would probably handle a child on the spectrum better than an NT so that has nothing to do with it. And I actually like small kids quite a bit, often more than adults.

Thank you for the answers everyone and I'm sorry, Joe90, I really don't know what to say about your situation. Maybe you can find therapy or something that would help you deal with the conflicting issues you have? Good luck anyway, I hope you find what's right for you.

We have many successful parents right here on WP.

A Moderator here is a married mother with two kids. At least one other Moderator is married—to another member of WP.

Other WP members have married people from WP and elsewhere.

That's why I'm divorced,my ex-wife wanted kids and I did not.

When we married we agreed we would not have children but 9 years later she changed her mind.Now she is remarried and living in Florida with two kids,we divorced in 2017.
We married in 2008 and met in november of 2006.

Sorry to hear that

I think people should have prenups about that kind of stuff, not just money. I can't imagine how hard it is to agree on something so important and have your partner change their mind about it. My previous relationships ended because I was pressured to "settle down" in some manner: move in together, think about marriage, kids, that kind of thing.