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Do you have real friends, a loving spouse, and/or good kids?
Yes. 18%  18%  [ 7 ]
No. 10%  10%  [ 4 ]
At one time I did. 8%  8%  [ 3 ]
I'm still waiting. 5%  5%  [ 2 ]
I don't like people. 10%  10%  [ 4 ]
I'm an animal/nature person. 10%  10%  [ 4 ]
I'm a loner. 15%  15%  [ 6 ]
I have one friend. 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
I have two friends. 5%  5%  [ 2 ]
I have three friends. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
I have four or more friends. 8%  8%  [ 3 ]
I have loving sisters and brothers. 8%  8%  [ 3 ]
I'm an aunt or uncle, and that's enough. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
I have godchildren. 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
My neighbors like me. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total votes : 40

Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 13 Sep 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 136
Location: Las Vegas, NV

25 Sep 2020, 5:19 pm

I've been hearing about "the gray area" since childhood. But when your brain is different, and you have no support from anyone, it means nothing. Without love and understanding, "the gray area" will always be a struggle for people on the spectrum. So, stop perpetuating it. Hire people on the spectrum. Recognize that they have been challenged. We know our brains are messed up. We learn from our mistakes. Missing out on life, career, family- that's painful. That's why people on the spectrum go off and kill themselves because they're different. That's why parents are angry and worried. Enough with "the gray area". It means nothing and you are not making progress with it. Be grateful that you had or still have choices in life. That you've accomplished things. People become professionals in their forties and fifties. I once met a man in his seventies who was beginning his career as a public school teacher. Stop pushing people with ASD down. We don't deserve that.

Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 24 Jun 2018
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 129
Location: MA

25 Sep 2020, 9:26 pm

DesertWoman wrote:
Missing out on life, career, family- that's painful. That's why people on the spectrum go off and kill themselves because they're different. .

Yes you hit the nail on the head! After 30, aspies realize how behind they are socially with no hope to ever fulfill their want for social life and family.. I know a guy who suicided because he could not have a gf and intimacy or a good job..


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Joined: 15 Dec 2015
Age: 19
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Posts: 2,641
Location: Maine

25 Sep 2020, 11:20 pm

I'm not sure I understand the concept of friendship fully. I had friends when i was a young kid <5 but ahve been unable to make any sense. The social ques for when people want to be your friend just kinda baffle me. I havea hard time gauging wht a relationship is exactly. I do have my siblings but like I don't know if I could handle a friendship cause the time i do spend wtih my family feels like it's more than enough but they are always complaining it's not nearly enough. Like I know i'm irresitable and everyone cant get enough of me but I need some me time :lol: :roll:

ever changing evolving and growing

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Joined: 11 Jan 2013
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Posts: 9,993
Location: New Zealand

26 Sep 2020, 2:34 pm

The poll choices - as polls do - take no account of the different phases of the life course. Old aspies - like old NTs - who live into their 70s and beyond (I'm one) live more isolated lives for a number of reasons unrelated to being AS. Friends die; friends emigrate or move far away (downsizing is a big thing for the older population where I live, and often separates people from family and friend networks). Partners die, children and grandchildren sometimes have to move away to advance their studies or careers..

I am widowed, I have adult children, adult grandchildren. My friends live far away - some retired overseas; I can no longer travel due to health reasons.

I maintain friendships with my family, a few neighbours (I have lived where I do for a long time) and a hobby group that meets once a week, though currently I cannot attend due to recovering from major surgery.

All old people know of various kinds of personal and social loss. Its a stage of life and it goes with the territory, and old people with AS are an invisible community that rarely registers even in the minds of the younger AS community - or so it seems to me. The exceptions are few, though very heartwarming. I think most of the very senior members here hope for more representation and inclusion in general and in autistic life, and some are the most isolated of all.


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Joined: 29 Oct 2011
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26 Sep 2020, 5:55 pm

I can't relate for two reasons;

One, I didn't missed out.
Therefore, I know what it was like and appreciate it.
So yes, relationships do make me happy. And therefore there's no sour grapes -- yet I simply know it's too sweet for my tastes.

Two, I'm not even interested. Loneliness is a foreign concept to me.
In spite of the first part, I have no real social need nor had social drive. I can lose relationships one day and miss it all in reminisce and sentiment.
But I also don't see the need to fill the gap right after. Not out of bitterness and hurt, but simply from the lack of need.

When I'm with someone, either I have to get very tired and be happy with it... Or just be very tired, with all loss and no gain return on investment.

When I'm alone, either I get to be happy and satisfied... Or just be mad bored, which is the closest thing I got for a social drive.

But sure, I do have a lot of choices. :D

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Joined: 23 Feb 2019
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Posts: 1,639
Location: west coast

27 Sep 2020, 2:26 am

Could you elaborate on what "The Gray Area" means? I've never heard of it before.

"Ignorance may be bliss, but knowledge is power."


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Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 74
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Posts: 5,566
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

27 Sep 2020, 5:25 am

Antrax wrote:
Could you elaborate on what "The Gray Area" means? I've never heard of it before.

My counsellor suggested that I not think so much in black and white terms, which I was only able to do after getting more sleep. From the context here, it looks like this might be a reference to middle age when hair often goes lighter. The OP's intro seemed to be addressed to employers. So, I'm also confused.