The site "The Neurotypical". What do you think?

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Joe90
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15 Oct 2020, 9:06 am

JP210168 wrote:
I don't hate "neurotypicals" and not all "neurotypicals" would agree with the things said on that website either.

Anyone can share their opinions on the net, which is what the majority of that website is made of, and gather round like-minded folks to reinforce it and make it sound like truth. It's not.

If you don't like something you see on the net, there's always the option of simply ignoring it.


Now that I know the site exists I find it hard to ignore it. Having ADHD makes it hard for me to ignore such things that shouldn't go ignored.


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Grammar Geek
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15 Oct 2020, 11:09 am

Well, I tried. Here’s the response I received.

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Hello Client,

Greetings.

Hope this email finds you well.

Please be informed that we already inform the registrant of this matter, however, no further action will be taken. We can only take down this domain if there is a court order provided. Alternatively, you can directly contact the owner of the domain by accessing the Whois information. Please see this link: https://www.whoismydomain.com.au/

Please let us know if you have other concerns.



Joe90
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15 Oct 2020, 11:57 am

Are there only biased sites against autistics, or does every neurological minority group have to put up with this? It might make me feel a little less angry if I knew that it's not just autism that is so worryingly misunderstood.


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AuroraBorealisGazer
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15 Oct 2020, 12:23 pm

^ I believe there is at least one hate site for every demographic/group of people/or pretty much any topic.



carlos55
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15 Oct 2020, 2:15 pm

Where does the internet get these hate names from Cassandra or Karen? why are they always middle class women`s names.

Why not a trailer park name or man`s name?


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starkid
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15 Oct 2020, 5:02 pm

carlos55 wrote:
Where does the internet get these hate names from Cassandra or Karen? why are they always middle class women`s names.

The Karen meme started on the basis of some guy complaining about his wife or girlfriend who is named Karen. Cassandra Syndrome was named after someone who's name is Cassandra if I remember correctly.

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Why not a trailer park name or man`s name?

Well there is the Chad meme. John is a really old one, for men who buy prostitutes.



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15 Oct 2020, 5:12 pm

From wikipedia:

"Cassandra or Kassandra was a priestess of Apollo in Greek mythology cursed to utter true prophecies, but never to be believed. In modern usage her name is employed as a rhetorical device to indicate someone whose accurate prophecies are not believed.

The Cassandra metaphor is applied by some psychologists to individuals who experience physical and emotional suffering as a result of distressing personal perceptions, and who are disbelieved when they attempt to share the cause of their suffering with others.

In a 1988 study, Jungian analyst Laurie Layton Schapira explored what she called the "Cassandra complex" in the lives of two of her analysands.

Based on clinical experience, she delineates three factors constituting the Cassandra complex:

dysfunctional relationships with the "Apollo archetype",
emotional or physical suffering, including hysteria (conversion disorder) or "women’s problems", and
being disbelieved when attempting to relate the facticity of these experiences to others.

Layton Schapira views the Cassandra complex as resulting from a dysfunctional relationship with what she calls the "Apollo archetype", an archetype referring to any individual's or culture's pattern that is dedicated to, yet bound by, order, reason, intellect, truth, and clarity that disavows itself of anything occult or irrational. The intellectual specialization of this archetype creates emotional distance and can predispose relationships to a lack of emotional reciprocity and consequent dysfunctions. She further states that a "Cassandra woman" is very prone to hysteria because she "feels attacked not only from the outside world but also from within, especially from the body in the form of somatic, often gynaecological, complaints."



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15 Oct 2020, 5:16 pm

I think the use of the term Cassandra on that site indicates that nobody believes how much they have suffered within their relationships with aspies.
:(



Joe90
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15 Oct 2020, 7:14 pm

What gets me the most about those sites is the way the writer makes it sound like NTs are so perfect and are excellent spouses, when in reality I always see relationships break up, usually caused by insensitive acts like cheating and betrayal. Or even smaller things like not compromising or agreeing with one another, or lack of understanding for a problem one may be facing.
I think NTs are able to find friends and dates easier than non-NTs, but it doesn't mean they're all successful. In fact relationships and marriage is one of the common hardships people face in their lives. Obviously this is not true for everybody, thank God.


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cyberdad
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15 Oct 2020, 7:29 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
From the outside it would seem your daughters school as do too many others tolerate bullies.


Mainstream schools are designed/catering for neurotypicals. The burden is always placed on parents like myself to prove that our children will "fit in".

The irony is the bullies who target my daughter hate the fact that she is responsible, caring and dedicated to being part of the school community and volunteers for everything (probably showing them up). They attack her vulnerabilities and are cruel in their intent/strategy. I have basically drawn up a contract with the head master to ensure their paths never cross (luckily they aren't in her class) but they still find ways to upset her.

As she's gotten older she is more resilient but earlier this year a girl (and yes its girls and their boyfriends who are the ringleaders) physically punched her and my daughter fought back. Fortunately cybergirl inherited her grandmother's tenacity and doesn't tolerate crap from anyone (including me! :lol: )



cyberdad
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15 Oct 2020, 7:32 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I think NTs are able to find friends and dates easier than non-NTs, but it doesn't mean they're all successful. In fact relationships and marriage is one of the common hardships people face in their lives. Obviously this is not true for everybody, thank God.


I'm not sure its productive to say NTs should also have it bad but in any case the data speaks for itself, even NTs struggle to maintain relationships with other NTs.



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15 Oct 2020, 8:28 pm

On the topic of the Cassandra syndrome...One can educate oneself on the topic by reading about it yet would ONLY understand it if and when one begins to experience it...This happened to me on my first year of marriage to my beloved (Aspie) husband...Please keep in mind that if i am willing to disclose here such personal details of my marriage and make myself vulnerable to your passing of judgement is with the sole intent to contribute to the understanding of such phenomena...(I know that when one knows one Aspie, one knows one Aspie, so I am not generalizing)...Please allow me to clarify here that my Aspie likes sex...Sadly, that was the only time i would experience "contact comfort", the only time my Neuro-typical BASIC NEED FOR AFFECTION was met...As in any marriage--neuro-typical or diversed--when one spouse seeks the other solely for sex, one will invariably begin to feel 'used'...And one begins to resent such advances...Why???...Because the basic NEED FOR AFFECTION that fosters INTIMACY-- the HUMAN CONNECTION--is lacking!! !...What's worse, one begins to doubt the love of our Aspie...! !!...So, one concludes that without love, there is no point in attempting to salvage the relationship...All the while, FEELING DEPRIVED of LOVE by the person who professed to love us...(This depravation of love is the true cause of the Cassandra syndrome, and it is REAL!! !)...The disbelief comes from those around us who can only see the facade of the relationship...They do not see the persistent, apparent rejection to which the Neuro-typical is subjected to day in, day out... Not because the Aspie deliberately wishes to make the Neuro-typical feel rejected, but because these shows of affection may feel UNNATURAL--for lack of a better word--to the Aspie...And please, correct me if i am wrong...In my case, i soon developed horrible symptoms of anxiety and/or depression...(From weighing 116 lbs., my weight went down to 80 lbs.)...I almost disappeared, literally...All the while, feeling INVISIBLE before my Aspie's eyes, who appeared very capable of showing attention to everyone else, except me...For the record, in recent times, my beloved (Aspie) husband has made tremendous effort to accommodate my greater need for EMOTIONAL INTIMACY...He is willing to sit by my side to watch a Sunset...He is willing to drink tea with me...He kisses me on the cheek before he leaves to work...He hugs me everyday...He walks at my slow pace...He opens doors for me...He will buy me whatever i want...(Generally, some 5 dollar item; though he did buy me a 3000 dollar RV, because i love its many windows)...He tickles me during intimacy :D ...And the list goes on and on...However, in order to reach this point early in our marriage (we have been married less than two years), we had many arguments, experienced great emotional turmoil, and throughout the first year of marriage, I lived in constant fear of an imminent separation due to our many misunderstandings that led to conflict...Yes, my Aspie has LOVED ME ENOUGH to accomodate for my Neuro-typical basic need for HUMAN INTERACTION that leads to REAL CONNECTION to the extent that he is capable within his limitations...I, in turn, try my best to respect his space...I am readily available when he needs me...And I pray with him and for him everyday...I know how blessed I am to have my beloved (Aspie) husband by my side...And I remain HOPEFUL that he will continue to make the effort to meet me half-way, because we both want to honor our commitment to our marriage in our own diversed way but with all of our might...And you, DO YOU LOVE YOUR NEURO-TYPICAL ENOUGH???...If so, how do you show it???...Good night, everyone... :heart: :wink:



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15 Oct 2020, 8:31 pm

^^^i pray that everything goes swimmingly for you two forever! :heart:



Joe90
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15 Oct 2020, 9:28 pm

@Clueless2017
I will tell you a bit about my relationship as a female on the spectrum, which may be different from males on the spectrum.
I can't speak for all female Aspies, but as a female Aspie myself I find my relationship with my NT partner just as easy and natural as my relationship with my NT parents.
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and we've been living together for 2 and a half years. We have become soulmates basically.

My ASD doesn't present itself very stereotypically though. I am very articulate, affectionate, communicative, and openly caring and loving. I am good at compromising and meeting halfway, which is why we get on like a house on fire.
The only things that have caused some issues between us (but we have learnt to resolve together) are his addictions (smoking, drinking), his debts (which are paid off now), and his expensive hobby. Unlike his ex-wife, I have learnt to deal with his drinking. He is not an alcoholic but enjoys a few drinks to relax (and sometimes gets drunk), and the more I have accepted this the LESS he drinks these days.
And I even saved his life last month. He was having severe breathing issues due to 30 years of heavy smoking. He didn't want to get medical attention but judging by his distressed expression in body language I knew it was a must, so I went on the NHS 111 website, typed in his ailment, and got him an appointment with a doctor the next day. And I was glad I did, because the doctor said that it could have led to other complications if it was left untreated.
And I have also helped him quit smoking by encouragement and support. He says I've been great. I just told him that I don't like seeing him suffer.

He always calls me "understanding", "thoughtful" and even "selfless". He trusts me 100%. And I enjoy physical affection, can have deep conversations with him, I talk about my feelings more than he does, and we give each other space by doing our own thing (I go off and take a bath or a nap, or work on my hobbies like writing and drawing, while he watches TV which he enjoys). Actually we like completely different things; he likes watching TV and isn't into creative things like writing or drawing, and I don't watch TV hardly, in fact if I lived alone I probably would only have a TV to watch DVDs on.

We have different music tastes too; he likes heavy rock or nondescript love songs, while I like country, march, pop and gothic. I can't stand rock music like ACDC or Zeppelin.

We both do our share of the household chores. He has arthritis in his knees so I tend to do the chores that involve a lot of knee movements like vacuuming, laundry, and cleaning the house and the pets' cage. He does the cooking and washing-up because it involves less knee movement and also I'm admittedly not the best cook in the world.
He's unemployed (due to getting fired last year) and I work. He's looking for work that doesn't involve too much moving about, but it's hard at the moment to find suitable work. But we get financial support, and I am responsible with my money.

So if you met me you probably wouldn't believe that I have ASD. I've even been told by several different people (including my boyfriend) that I am "emotionally bright". I'm not sure what that means, but whenever I have asked the answer has always been, "you are very understanding of other people's emotions". And it is true.

Sometimes I do question my diagnosis, but then I think back to my teen years when I was too Aspie to not be Aspie, so I obviously am an Aspie. I do hate being on the spectrum because of the stigma and how we are perceived as being selfish, emotionless and crap at relationships. In fact the aforementioned site does actually make me feel ashamed and embarrassed of being on the spectrum which is why I am rather closeted about it. In fact since I moved out of my parents house I have actually swept my stupid diagnosis under the rug. The only time I talk about ASD itself is when I'm on WP. And it works this way.


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15 Oct 2020, 9:50 pm

So-o-o happy for YOU...Your NT is very blessed to have you...And the reason that I am so happy for you is because your story is a success story...I recently learned that when those on the spectrum receive help in their formative years, they get a negative diagnosis in their adult years and no longer qualify as autistic...In other words, technically speaking, for purposes of a diagnosis, they are no longer considered autistic...The apparent reason been that they learned the 'tools' at a young age needed to navigate this planet Earth controlled by NTs...LOL...Sadly my poor husband never benefited from such assistance...And he has had to learn the hard way into our marriage...May God give us the wisdom to overcome all of our shortcomings, his and mine...Good night...And thank you for sharing your personal experience...Which shows to prove the tremendous contribution one Aspie can make to this world...God bless you... :heart: :heart: :heart:



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15 Oct 2020, 9:56 pm

Thank you auntblubby for your good wishes...And good night...