The site "The Neurotypical". What do you think?

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carlos55
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21 Oct 2020, 2:23 pm

Have any of these men on "heartless aspergers" been disagnosed ? probably not.

Sounds like a lot of fed up ex-wives moaning about their ex`s, jumping on a label.

If they were so terrible at the end how were they so perfect in the beginning without them noticing?

If only it was that easy to mask.


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League_Girl
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21 Oct 2020, 2:38 pm

And if these women want sympathy and don't want to be the villains, why not just say they were narcissists?

It's more socially acceptable and politically correct to bash cluster B disorders like BPD, NPD, and ASPD.

If their partner was coincidentally autistic, do not identify them as one. Use the more socially acceptable labels. :wink:


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idntonkw
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21 Oct 2020, 2:48 pm

carlos55 wrote:
Have any of these men on "heartless aspergers" been disagnosed ? probably not.

Sounds like a lot of fed up ex-wives moaning about their ex`s, jumping on a label.

If they were so terrible at the end how were they so perfect in the beginning without them noticing?

If only it was that easy to mask.


Because the differences of AS men come out only during interaction.. the women did not expect that the interaction would be abnormal.



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21 Oct 2020, 5:26 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
I recently learned that when those on the spectrum receive help in their formative years, they get a negative diagnosis in their adult years and no longer qualify as autistic...In other words, technically speaking, for purposes of a diagnosis, they are no longer considered autistic...

That is not generally true, although it is true for a small minority of kids diagnosed with autism. See the separate thread "Losing" Autism diagnoses/"Recovering" from autism for more details and discussion.


Thank you for the correction...This is why i join this forum...To learn and stand corrected...I genuinely want to have a better understanding of Asperger's Syndrome...To better understand my beloved husband...Thanks again... :heart: :heart: :heart:



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21 Oct 2020, 5:29 pm

Double Retired wrote:
As near as I can make out from looking around on the Internet, approximately half of the children diagnosed as ADHD outgrow it and approximately none of the children diagnosed as autistic outgrow it.

... ... ...
Interesting...



Joe90
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21 Oct 2020, 6:03 pm

Clueless2017 wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
I recently learned that when those on the spectrum receive help in their formative years, they get a negative diagnosis in their adult years and no longer qualify as autistic...In other words, technically speaking, for purposes of a diagnosis, they are no longer considered autistic...

That is not generally true, although it is true for a small minority of kids diagnosed with autism. See the separate thread "Losing" Autism diagnoses/"Recovering" from autism for more details and discussion.


Thank you for the correction...This is why i join this forum...To learn and stand corrected...I genuinely want to have a better understanding of Asperger's Syndrome...To better understand my beloved husband...Thanks again... :heart: :heart: :heart:


Your intention to understand means that you are understanding, if that makes sense. :) :heart:


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idntonkw
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21 Oct 2020, 11:28 pm

On the other hand, as an AS man, it can be harmful to over-focus on the negative from this site. I knew an AS man who was certain he would disappoint women 100% of the time because of this, so he completely stopped trying to date women. He was very depressed, could not work because of anxiety. There was a girl who found him attractive, but he disappointed her after the initial encounter, because she did not expect him to have AS, so he decided he would disappoint women again always because he had AS and they did not know it when they initially met him, and he could never meet their needs.



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22 Oct 2020, 11:10 am

I knew something was off with my then boyfriend--now husband--as early as our third romantic date...The signs were there since the very beginning; example, the oppositional defiance...This did NOT dissuade me...Just to clarify: HE PURSUED ME WITH PERSEVERANCE...Interestingly, the more i suspected something was 'wrong' with my then boyfriend, the more my heart inclined towards him...I was intrigued...I knew he was very special, a noble heart...I wanted to 'figure him out', like solving a mystery...I wanted to see the whole picture, kind of like when you put together the pieces of a puzzle...And most of all, i wanted to help him...(I had worked with autistic children and adolescents in a school setting as a Substitute teacher, but i had never known an Autistic man personally...So i had no point of comparison...Please don't misinterpret me...One year and eight months later, i did NOT marry him out of compassion as if i am doing him a favor...I married him, because i fell deeply in love with him--all of him...Evidently, the feeling is mutual...So much so, that he has made accommodations (for lack of a better word) for me as i have made for him...LOVE--when mutual--truly NEVER FAILS...My recommendations to Aspies and NTs alike, keep an open-mind, you may be pleasantly surprised... :heart: :heart: :heart: Oh and by the way, we don't choose who we fall in love with...It strikes you like a lighting bolt (I read this someplace; exactly my case)...



Edna3362
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22 Oct 2020, 11:26 am

What do I think of the website?
I could've care less.

I've seen and heard nastier relationship crap without ever bringing up any diagnosis as a home entertainment. :lol:


But then it's just me, being in a different world.


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Clueless2017
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22 Oct 2020, 1:09 pm

idntonkw wrote:
deepseastag11 wrote:
Because I'm new I can't post web adresses, so just Google it (it should be the first search result).

Anyway, it contains mountains of evidence indicating that normal people hate us with every fiber of their being. Go to the Testimonials section if you don't believe me. After visiting similar sites (for partners and family members of aspies) I discovered they all share the same sentiment.

My opinion about that site can be summed up using this beautiful quote:
"Never before have I been so offended by something I 100% agree with." - James Acaster


The site helped me a lot to understand that NT women expect so much more from their mate, more than I imagined!! I would never be able to communicate as much, show so much affection, have so much sex, etc, etc. The difference between me and NT men is indeed pervasive and NT women seems like they just very painfully feel the difference, and I don't blame them for being angry that they got cheated out of a normal relationship. The way I see it, a bad NT relationship still has those NT communication things, be it even bad ones, and better than no communication at all for the NT women.. it is hard to put a finger on what that NT stuff is, but when it is missing, it is very noticeable.. like my mom used to complain about my NT dad who she never liked - 'he could be good or bad, but I just wish he could be anybody.. as it is, the person is just missing in all the ways.'

I wrote a paper about how the 'research' on the website is just amateur collection of reports from various women, and not done according to any research protocols. It sums up to qualitative research with no inclusion criteria, personal accounts and case reports of women's bad experiences with AS men. No wonder it has a negative bias, because the inclusion criteria is biased toward women with bad experiences. I doubt she can get funding for her 'research', because it would never be allowed into a college program. I doubt her 'research' is taught in psychology classes, although it may be mentioned perhaps. AS is a developmental disorder that makes relationships difficult, so you knowing that, you don't need to do research to know that women who marry AS men will experience less satisfaction.

I don't think she is doing the women who complain on her site any favor. It's just dragging them into more misery and making them stuck there. She herself is stuck in negativity, perpetually blaming her former AS husband for ruining her life, decades later after they divorced, instead of moving on with her life to something positive. People like to feel validated, and many therapists will give you that satisfaction and take your money, despite it being bad for you in the long run to be complaining and not moving on to something positive. The first thing many cheap/bad and unscrupulous therapists will do, is get you to start blaming and criticizing your parents for being wrong, abusive or neglectful. Never mind that some people have no parents at all, that you got so much benefit from just the basics of not being an orphan, and that being a parent is overall challenging and you gain nothing from complaining about them!

... ... ...
NT, here...Absolutely love your perspective...I only know one Aspie personally, my beloved husband...He is not officially diagnosed...Throughout our courtship, he tried his best to appear 'normal' before my eyes...Obviously, because he wanted a relationship with me, because he wanted to be accepted by me...Since being married to him--now from a closer look--I can only imagine all the energy it must have taken from him--all the while--to appear 'normal'...To date, he masks at work...And to a lesser degree, he probably still does this for me, each time he accommodates for my greater emotional needs...This tremendous effort from his behalf, i appreciate tremendously...His effort makes me feel loved, makes me feel special, makes me feel valued...Initially in my marriage, i confess, i felt cheated in that i soon realized i would never have the so-called 'normal' marriage...An NT spouse would complain like a victim, "How unfair that during our courtship, he was willing to hold my hand in public, and now that we are married, no more???! !!... And now i feel rejected by him!! !...Blah, blah, blah"..This is only a small example of the more serious valid complains an NT spouse may have about his or her Aspie spouse...Most marriages are based on emotional connection...And if the 'ingredients' that foster this emotional connection are lacking, NTs and Aspies alike, may feel compelled to walk away from the relationship...In my case, with God's help, i was able to regain perspective and focus on the many qualities my husband has...And the many reasons why i first fell in love with him...All the while, he has and continues to accommodate for my greater emotional needs...Less than two years into our marriage, i can honestly say, i am still deeply in love with him...And he recently told me, he loves me just the same... :wink:

Post Script:
What is a 'normal' marriage anyway???...And who is 'normal'???...I simply stopped 'measuring' my beloved husband with the NT 'ruler', which would only lead to disappointment, because he will never be NT...How unfair from my behalf to demand of him what he simply cannot give to me...! !!...The emotional connection of eye-contact, for example, the way an NT could give me...I will possibly never attain the 'normal' marriage standard...Many that have a 'normal' marriage do not have a happy marriage and have failed grossly...Despite the fact that they were born with all the 'tools' needed to succeed in their marriage...(Apparently, they did not use these 'tools')...In order to attain the 'normal marriage standard', first i would have to be married to an NT...But i don't want to!! !...After many, many, many adjustments, i am a-l-r-e-a-d-y happy in my marriage...My (Aspie) husband is my happy place...Except when he suffers (health issues related to autism or not), then i suffer...Except when i suffer due to my many health afflictions--none autism-related), then he suffers...But for the most part, illnesses and all, we are happy and feel blessed to have found each other... :heart: :heart: :heart:



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22 Oct 2020, 6:16 pm

idntonkw wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Is it still a kafka trap if someone actually believes what they are saying?


Not sure.


Another thing that has really annoyed me was something I read from an NT spouse of an Aspie on another autism hate site (it might have been on the heartlessaspergers one). She was complaining because she'd been fired from her job and so was unemployed while her Aspie husband worked full-time to pay the bills and mortgage, etc. Her complaint was that the husband was working too much and didn't have time for her, and when he did come home from a hard day's work he was too tired and grouchy. She said that he did not care about her, and she said that if he did care about her he would have looked for a better paying job so that he could work less hours and still afford to pay everything and give her all the attention she wants.
This woman sounded like a selfish and ungrateful b***h with a complete lack of understanding, and SHE had the cheek to call him that. Working full-time is exhausting for everyone, but especially for an Aspie who probably has to mask all day and likes time to himself. And maybe he's happy in that particular job or he can't find another job that's higher paid. If she had better empathy she would understand that he is working hard to support them both (not sure why she got fired BTW) and she'd understand why he feels tired when he gets home. But she's acting like a spoilt teenager.

Not triggered yet? Then get this: All the replies were all like "aw, poor you, having to put up with that, it's time to end this relationship and look for someone who cares, ie an NT man", and they were also calling him "selfish, uncaring, immature".

Do these people just use these hate sites to nitpick at their Aspie spouses? It's like an Aspie could save 10 people from drowning and would still be labelled as uncaring, not because of what they do or don't do but because they're autistic and so many people are so hung up on the "lack empathy" BS that they don't think about anything else.


Yes, a lot of the women could not get a popular/hot/socially astute NT man, and instead, they went for an AS man with a steady job. Then, they got bored and felt neglected. Never mind, these women may not have jobs themselves, may not be of great interest to NT men due to their body type or their personality. An NT man can beat a woman, be in prison, sell drugs, be unemployed, abuse her financially and she will still love him.. but an AS man can hold a job and pay bills and put effort, and she will still resent him. You cannot buy love from women by being 'nice' to them.. they either like you, or not. If they like you, they will be more inclined to 'appreciate' you.. but the AS men in these comments lacked the qualities that would make women like them.. so the women have this existential feeling of being cheated by life, because they are with men who do not deserve them in the first place, due to absence of communication and NT personality.


Another thing I read on one of those sites was a woman who was in a relationship with an Aspie guy for a number of years, and then he died of cancer. But this woman was still going on about herself, that she was 'traumatized' all because he didn't show his empathy, not because he died of cancer. I find that very heartless indeed. Your beloved husband tragically suffers through cancer and dies, and all you can think about is YOURSELF and what he didn't do that you wanted him to do. I couldn't believe what I was reading. I'd understand totally if she was traumatized because of her loss. But she didn't sound one bit affected by that.

I think what these women are doing on these sites is trying their hardest to keep the negative stigma attached to autism to just define autism as "lack of empathy" and that's it, even though that isn't even what autism means.
There's a lot of "me, I, I, me", and the way they say they are traumatized from being married to an Aspie? Really? It takes a lot to be traumatized, unless you are suffering from mental health disorders, and unless your Aspie (or non-Aspie) husband is violent or severe alcoholic or whatever, I don't see how one can be traumatized by ordinary Aspie behaviour. We are not that bad, are we?


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