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seaweasel
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18 Oct 2020, 10:38 pm

I know there are a lot of studies with children being autistic and parents being NTs, but how is it the other way around? an autistic father, and a son? My son is 10 months old and I love him but my wife takes care of him most of the time as i bring the money in. But im just curious to hear other autistic parents stories of raising their kids. My son is starting to become aware of social cues, and i do have a hard time knowing if he is angry or fussy.



AuroraBorealisGazer
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18 Oct 2020, 11:28 pm

Can babies feel anger like older children? I thought when they were fussy it was out of discomfort (tired, hungry, wet, etc)? On TV parents often appear frustrated that they don't know why the baby is crying, so I thought this was something everyone struggles with?

I'm not a human parent but hopefully soon I will be.



MrsPeel
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19 Oct 2020, 4:46 am

I have two teenagers, one autistic and one NT.
Also I'm divorced so looking after them by myself.
Or trying to.
It's challenging.



autisticelders
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19 Oct 2020, 5:15 am

autistic parent of 2 autistic young adults, nobody knew at the time.



magz
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19 Oct 2020, 5:22 am

AS parent of one diagnosed AS kid and one NT (suspected ADHD).
Parenting is a challenge. Requires counting your spoons all the time.


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FleaOfTheChill
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19 Oct 2020, 6:30 am

magz wrote:
AS parent of one diagnosed AS kid and one NT (suspected ADHD).
Parenting is a challenge. Requires counting your spoons all the time.


I agree with the spoon counting.

Four children here, all eighteen or older now, and I am autistic. One of them lived with her mother full time though, my step daughter. I couldn't love her more if she's was my biological child, but I mention it because she saved the bulk of her rebelling/difficult moments for her biological mother while the others saved that stuff for me :lol:

i think it is hard for a lot of people to know what little ones, three and under, are really expressing. Sometimes if you are the main caregiver, you get to pattern spotting with a little one. If, say, they eat everyday around two, you know that 1:45 crabbiness is probably hunger. If they tug on an ear while teething, v/s make a scrunch face when gassy... but a lot of the time, there isn't an overly obvious clue, so you're just guessing. Even after they speak, they don't always have the words to say what is wrong, so you have to ask questions and hope the two of you can get it figured out to give them some comfort or relief. At least that's how it went for me, and according to my ex, I was better at knowing what was up with the kids than they were. But I was the primary caregiver for the other three.



Joe90
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19 Oct 2020, 7:50 am

AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
Can babies feel anger like older children? I thought when they were fussy it was out of discomfort (tired, hungry, wet, etc)? On TV parents often appear frustrated that they don't know why the baby is crying, so I thought this was something everyone struggles with?

I'm not a human parent but hopefully soon I will be.


It seems a lot of people on the spectrum believe that NTs are fully socially developed at birth.


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lostproperty
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20 Oct 2020, 9:51 am

Father of two teenagers. It would have been a major problem for me dealing with things like taking them to the doctors or dealing with schools, but my ex wife took care of that side of things. I coped with the home life aspect of parenting very easily and I have a fantastic relationship with my daughter, who probably is on the spectrum and for that reason, we understand each other. I've never had that connection with anybody else.



Steve1963
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20 Oct 2020, 9:58 am

Father of five (20 down to 6). I suck at parenting, have no connection with any of my children, and will probably be separating from my wife in the coming weeks or months. So, yay me.



Caz72
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20 Oct 2020, 10:19 am

im a autistic mum to a neurotypical 15 y/0


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AspiePrincess611
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20 Oct 2020, 10:30 am

I'm an autistic mother of a non-autistic teenage son. He does have ADHD, dyscalculia, depression, and anxiety though. I've been a single parent since my son was a few months old, and my mom has helped me out a lot with raising him. I honestly don't think I could have done it alone, especially when he was very young. I was so overwhelmed and unprepared for what being a parent of a baby really entails. I was young when my son was born and I didn't fully consider the implications. Lack of sleep causes me to have severe depression and frequent meltdowns/anger outbursts, as well as makes me feel physically ill. It also greatly magnifies my memory problems and cognitive issues. So having to get up in the middle of the night to tend a crying baby was literally hell for me. Something really bad could have happened to me or my baby if my mom hadn't stepped in. I do feel bad that she had to sacrifice things she enjoyed to make the time to help us. I'm also very grateful for that. I don't regret having my son, and I'm very proud that he has turned out to be a well-mannered, bright young man. I just wouldn't consider having any more kids. One is plenty for me.


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MrsPeel
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21 Oct 2020, 5:47 am

I don't want to be unduly negative or cynical but I think this is worth saying.

Many of us face extra challenges in raising kids because of social and sensory issues, but you need to be really really careful who you admit that to (outside this forum).
If people think you can't handle the task they can use your autism as a reason to take your kids away.

My kids are nearly grown now so I feel a bit more relaxed and able to tell the truth about how hard it is - but when they're babies and toddlers it's sometimes best to just pretend you know exactly what you're doing and you've got it all under control.

I mean, you should definitely seek help if you need it, but if that involves people in the medical or government areas, it can be wise to avoid connecting any parenting difficulties with your autism. There's still a lot of misunderstanding out there (just look at the thread on "The Neurotypical" to see some of the horrible things people believe about us).



SocOfAutism
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21 Oct 2020, 7:58 am

My husband is autistic, I am not, we have a six year old with ADHD and sensory problems.

My husband now not only has to deal with one person who has confusing and nonsensical ways, but TWO. And our son is still learning how to gauge his dad’s face and tone. Sometimes my husband will have to say “I am not mad I am anxious” or “I’m having a fun time with you” or some such, because our son may not be able to tell.

Also, you really, really need to pencil in time for yourself with your special interests and relaxation routines. You will be a better parent if you remember to take care of yourself.



timf
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21 Oct 2020, 8:02 am

We raised three children with Aspegers.

This pdf booklet can be helpful in anticipating some challenges.

http://christianpioneer.com/blogarchiev ... g%20v2.pdf