Unwritten rules that NT's don't follow

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Yes, you read that right - some unwritten rules I've noticed that NTs don't follow

In fact, pre-diagnosis or even shortly after diagnosis, I reflected on these actual experiences and thought "well, everyone fudges unwritten rules from time to time, so why am I singled out..." and then I realized, well, I guess I just do it more often that it's noticeable - as if there's an, ahem, unspoken "passing mark" to be NT, and I fell short of that e.g. it was 80%, and I was at 67%. But I digress, here we go:

1. Don't ask questions to people or ask how the food is (in a restaurant, or social gathering) if they've got their mouth full -wait till they've finished eating.

2. When entering the public transit bus or train, wait for others to exit first.

3. In the supermarket, if the person in front of you just has a couple of items that they put on the conveyor belt, don't just dump your items next and close to them...use the friggin' separator bar, that's what it's there for

4. If you're in some counter service place, and someone is looking at the menu board, ASK THEM FIRST if they're waiting to be served before assuming that they're just observing the menu choices.

5. If you're a customer service phone rep and there's an obvious problem due to your company's foul-ups, and it's caused inconvenience to the customer calling, please, PLEASE don't say "no problem" as filler - nor should you say at the end "thank you for choosing such-and-such company, and have a nice day" if the problem's still pending a resolution
You sound like a bloody automaton!! !!

6. If you cancel on somebody, at least have the decency to [propose a] reschedule, don't just leave it hanging.

7. If you borrow something from somebody, don't lend it out to somebody else without asking the owner first (I had this happen more than once in high school, and it was "shame on me" the second time...never did THAT again!)

8. Treat others with respect and as though they matter, regardless of their status or station in life.

9. Don't take a flippant attitude towards parking slightly outside the yellow lines. The rest of us don't give a s**t if you drive a fancy German luxury car, we just want to park without the "sardine" feeling.

10. If you need to retrieve a forgotten object of yours from an office room with the door open, and two (or more) people are having a discussion, at least knock lightly on the door and say "excuse me - I forgot something, I'll be out of your way in just a second" - don't just barge in and retrieve your object. I remember one time, around my diagnosis, I was having a (positive!) performance discussion with my boss in my CS/IT job (where else, ha ha) and this woman barged in to retrieve her lunch bag, then out, w/o saying a word - my boss and I just looked at each other, like, WTF??? And it was then that he realized that I wasn't totally "out to lunch", pun intended, on unspoken norms...

11. If you don't like a certain animal that someone else has as a pet, don't spew out insensitive things about the animal that make you sound like a heartless jerk. Giving your opinion about said animal is fine, as not everyone can like the same things, but making yourself sound like you'd kill the animal if you had the chance is just not acceptable if the other person happens to love the animal.

12. Treat others how you'd want to be treated. If more people did this then this world would be a better place to live in. (I go by this motto).

13. If you're home most days or most/all of the day, don't go and get your vacuum out at 1am unless you don't live in an apartment building, as it is not fair on the people underneath you and there is no reason to start vacuuming at that time of the night.

14. If you have little kids, don't assume that all strangers will love your kids running around them, invading their personal space and making shrieking noises. Control your young, teach them from an early age that there's a time and a place for play, and respect other people's space (especially during the COVID era).

15. If you have your phone on silent and it starts vibrating in your hand or pocket and someone else is right in the middle of talking to you, kindly say "oh, hold on a moment, my phone is ringing" or "excuse me a moment" and answer it, instead of just answering it.

Don't hog a conversation.

Don't interrupt other people or talk over them.

If those ARE the NT unwritten rules...

Then the first thing I'd ask is "Where do you live?"

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NT adults tend not to say please and thank you unless they think someone is above them.

So I learnt to copy this.

You can get away with it if you do tone of voice right to imply it instead. And just say 'thanks'.

If you don't copy it they think you are young or inferior somehow.

Yep...sometimes NT's don't follow these rules. It doesn't mean you have to go down to the level of those people.

Mmm...
There's being nice and there's being polite.

There's a fine line somewhere, where being polite is thrown out of the window for whatever circumstances -- that includes being nice and being concerned.

It's not limited to asserting dominance, mind games, hierarchical reminders, immaturity, ignorance or inattention.
But one had to know your context deeply to discern that.


Socializing, especially in groups and several settings, are not as one or two dimensional.
It isn't by any means.



I'm not defending any NTs nor justify rule breaking (while getting away with it) and anyone's inability to follow said rules.

I want others to think big. But that's the thing, it's hard to do so. Harder in real time, real life.
Yet worry not, there is no such thing as a true correct interpretation of behaviors.

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