Unwritten rules that NT's don't follow

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League_Girl
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27 Oct 2020, 3:21 am

Don't come into a restaurant or store right before they close. They have to put the food away, put the money away, put things away and when you come in, they have to retake it all out again just to serve you. For restaurants, they would have to cook the meal and re clean up everything again. If you do come into the store right before they close, please at least know you know what you are getting and just grab it and pay for it than looking around. This will make it a lot quicker for them so they can start cleaning up and close the place.

You do not leave your trash in a movie theater auditorium, you take it with you and throw it away in a trash can out in the hallway. The employees that come in there to clean are only looking for spilled popcorn and drinks, not to pick up trash. (pretty much everyone did this when I was a kid, always saw trash in the theater after everyone was leaving after the film so I did this until my early thirties thinking this is what we do here until I saw a post on reddit about it a few years ago) :oops:

Treat others the way you like to be treated.

Stop looking at your phones when someone is talking to you.

Before waiting in line, if you see another person standing nearby by, ask them if they are in line and point to the line.

When waiting in line, please leave a gap for people to get through, don't block aisles with your body.

When going through a green light, please do not drive out into the intersection where there are a row of cars up ahead stopped. If there is not enough room for your car, do not enter the intersection even if you have a green light.

For the love of god, please leave a gap in the road while waiting for the green light so cars can get out of the parking lot if they are going the other direction or if they want to turn so they would need the turning lane.

Not everyone wants your dog jumping on them and licking them nor do they want them near them if they have food or if they do not want doggy hair on their clothes.

It's not cute when your child interrupts you when you are talking to someone. I get irritated when I see parents do nothing when their child interrupts, same as when they are on the phone, I tell my kids they are being very rude when they interrupt me when I am on the phone or talking to another grown up and to not interrupt and wait when I am off the phone or when the adult is done talking to me. I also leave the room too and go to my room and talk or go to the kitchen. Hearing stories online about parents allowing their kids to be rude and they do nothing about it astounds me.


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cyberdad
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27 Oct 2020, 3:32 am

League_Girl wrote:
It's not cute when your child interrupts you when you are talking to someone. I get irritated when I see parents do nothing when their child interrupts, same as when they are on the phone, I tell my kids they are being very rude when they interrupt me when I am on the phone or talking to another grown up and to not interrupt and wait when I am off the phone or when the adult is done talking to me. .


I get irritated by other people's kids except when the child clearly has a disability. In those cases I always make a point to be kind to the kids while the parents get a chance to breath.

I always carried this attitude as fortunately my mother worked with disabled kids and used to bring them home.



DeepBlueSouth
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27 Oct 2020, 2:00 pm

Edna3362 wrote:
Mmm...
There's being nice and there's being polite.

There's a fine line somewhere, where being polite is thrown out of the window for whatever circumstances -- that includes being nice and being concerned. :lol:

It's not limited to asserting dominance, mind games, hierarchical reminders, immaturity, ignorance or inattention.
But one had to know your context deeply to discern that.


Socializing, especially in groups and several settings, are not as one or two dimensional.
It isn't by any means.



I'm not defending any NTs nor justify rule breaking (while getting away with it) and anyone's inability to follow said rules.

I want others to think big. But that's the thing, it's hard to do so. Harder in real time, real life.
Yet worry not, there is no such thing as a true correct interpretation of behaviors.


Very true, and by the way, I absolutely adore the way you write. I wish that I was better at summarizing so much information into as thorough and succinct of a prose as you accomplish. There I go again, but just saying, I dig your posts. 8)


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League_Girl
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27 Oct 2020, 3:26 pm

cyberdad wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
It's not cute when your child interrupts you when you are talking to someone. I get irritated when I see parents do nothing when their child interrupts, same as when they are on the phone, I tell my kids they are being very rude when they interrupt me when I am on the phone or talking to another grown up and to not interrupt and wait when I am off the phone or when the adult is done talking to me. .


I get irritated by other people's kids except when the child clearly has a disability. In those cases I always make a point to be kind to the kids while the parents get a chance to breath.

I always carried this attitude as fortunately my mother worked with disabled kids and used to bring them home.


One thing that's always bothered me is when parents let their special needs kids get away with bad behavior and do nothing about it. When I was in a self contained class, we were expected to follow rules and walk through the building quietly and we all did it. We all knew to be quiet when the teacher talks. There was this one boy who couldn't stop screaming so an aid would walk him outside and go around because walking through the building was a privilege. It's a possibility this boy didn't like the building so he shrieked so he can walk outside but he had a very low IQ and barely talked. But then again, he was not allowed to shriek in the building so our aid would walk him outside because he was incapable of not being quiet indoors at that time.

Even I wasn't allowed to be rude and break rules at home. Even if a child is incapable of following the rules, I wouldn't even bring them into that situation into the first place. Even if the situation would be too hard for them to handle and too overwhelming, I don't think they would even care if they were not brought there.

I did go through a rebellious teenage stage by the age of 16 by wanting special privileges because I have a disability because I always saw special needs kids having them and not all rules applying to them so I wanted the same too and tried to demand it and use autism as an excuse for it. But then my therapist told me all those parents and teachers had been wrong what they did with those kids. I had it backwards. :lol:

So when I do see minors using their autism as an excuse, I do give them a pass because I see that as normal and I did the same thing too. Kids will try and use it as an excuse, this happens with any disability.

Unless the child has the intelligence of a 19 month old, I can see how they can be incapable of not interrupting and it's not like the parent can just walk away from them leaving them alone in public because they never know what will happen with that child. Same as if they are at home, the parent may not want to leave them alone because they don't know what they could do in the room by themselves without the adult around and if they are too big for a play pen and stuff because they can just crawl out of it and the parent can't just tie them up or it would be child abuse. How many toddlers out there stop interrupting when you scold them? :lol: Have any toddlers ever been trained to not interrupt when the adult is talking or on the phone? Only seen older kids be trained, not 2 year olds.


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27 Oct 2020, 3:48 pm

When working with others don't deliberately go slow to avoid doing any more work later then complain because the others who are working with you are going too fast.


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League_Girl
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27 Oct 2020, 3:51 pm

Joe90 wrote:
When working with others don't deliberately go slow to avoid doing any more work later then complain because the others who are working with you are going too fast.



I always hate it when people go slower on purpose when they see you waiting and even if you were being rude about having to wait on them and there are other people waiting behind you, they are still punishing the innocent people who are waiting.

When doing malicious compliance, please be sure other people won't be getting punished by you when you want to punish Karen. People shouldn't have to suffer from Karen's actions.


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Joe90
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27 Oct 2020, 4:28 pm

League_Girl wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
It's not cute when your child interrupts you when you are talking to someone. I get irritated when I see parents do nothing when their child interrupts, same as when they are on the phone, I tell my kids they are being very rude when they interrupt me when I am on the phone or talking to another grown up and to not interrupt and wait when I am off the phone or when the adult is done talking to me. .


I get irritated by other people's kids except when the child clearly has a disability. In those cases I always make a point to be kind to the kids while the parents get a chance to breath.

I always carried this attitude as fortunately my mother worked with disabled kids and used to bring them home.


One thing that's always bothered me is when parents let their special needs kids get away with bad behavior and do nothing about it. When I was in a self contained class, we were expected to follow rules and walk through the building quietly and we all did it. We all knew to be quiet when the teacher talks. There was this one boy who couldn't stop screaming so an aid would walk him outside and go around because walking through the building was a privilege. It's a possibility this boy didn't like the building so he shrieked so he can walk outside but he had a very low IQ and barely talked. But then again, he was not allowed to shriek in the building so our aid would walk him outside because he was incapable of not being quiet indoors at that time.

Even I wasn't allowed to be rude and break rules at home. Even if a child is incapable of following the rules, I wouldn't even bring them into that situation into the first place. Even if the situation would be too hard for them to handle and too overwhelming, I don't think they would even care if they were not brought there.

I did go through a rebellious teenage stage by the age of 16 by wanting special privileges because I have a disability because I always saw special needs kids having them and not all rules applying to them so I wanted the same too and tried to demand it and use autism as an excuse for it. But then my therapist told me all those parents and teachers had been wrong what they did with those kids. I had it backwards. :lol:

So when I do see minors using their autism as an excuse, I do give them a pass because I see that as normal and I did the same thing too. Kids will try and use it as an excuse, this happens with any disability.

Unless the child has the intelligence of a 19 month old, I can see how they can be incapable of not interrupting and it's not like the parent can just walk away from them leaving them alone in public because they never know what will happen with that child. Same as if they are at home, the parent may not want to leave them alone because they don't know what they could do in the room by themselves without the adult around and if they are too big for a play pen and stuff because they can just crawl out of it and the parent can't just tie them up or it would be child abuse. How many toddlers out there stop interrupting when you scold them? :lol: Have any toddlers ever been trained to not interrupt when the adult is talking or on the phone? Only seen older kids be trained, not 2 year olds.


Sometimes standard parenting techniques don't work on a child with special needs (which is why I'd rather have an NT child).

I have a co-worker who has a 6-year-old with non-verbal autism, and if he doesn't like something the way it is, he'll have a huge meltdown that involves deafening screaming and hitting his parents. The parents have tried everything to help him, including therapy for him, but nothing seems to work. So they basically have to just revolve their world around the child to avoid these violent meltdowns. He's too autistic to understand that some things cannot be controlled, but he can't read or write or even rationalise thoughts, so any sort of communication device is out of the question. The parents can't take him out anywhere because if strangers aren't doing things his way (whatever his way is) he will have a total meltdown and hit his parents. So no nice family days out unless the boy is excluded, no babysitter can handle him, so they get a close relative to look after him if the parents and their other children do want to go out.

I'm sorry but this is why I do not want a child with autism. That is enough to put you off.


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League_Girl
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27 Oct 2020, 5:17 pm

As a parent, don't ever put me with a violent child because I will just restrain the child and hold them down to defend myself so they won't hurt me. My son always wore socks on his hands as an infant because he kept attacking me and boy are infants strong they can hurt humans too but not enough to send you into ER unless they head butt you and break your tooth.

Of course socks came off my son's hands when I put him on the floor to play so he can use his hands and develop muscle in them and hand coordination.


I think my son learned at a young age to not ever use violence with me or he loses his right to move his body freely because I would just hold him tight so he can't hurt me. If he tries to throw anything, he gets restrained so he can't throw anything else. Plus he gets into trouble too and him losing electronics is the worst thing ever to happen to him so that keeps him under control.


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League_Girl
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27 Oct 2020, 5:37 pm

Weird thing about parents is (one of the reasons why I don't go to parenting communities) they think kids should destroy property because they need to explore.

I once got criticism at Babycenter when I wrote about clever ways I have child proofed my home and one of them was tie a piece of card board over the TV buttons on my TV set and also taping card board over my books at the bottom of my bookshelf so my son can ruin anything and parents were like "you are interfering with your son's development, they need to explore."

No Karen, that is what baby toys are for, they can build skills with that and I shouldn't let them destroy my property because of child development BS excuse.

And on reddit I once got criticism about scolding my son who was seven at the time for whenever he interrupts me when I am on the phone. "he doesn't have the cognitive ability to understand ad you are just teaching him to be submissive." No Karen, you can train your kids manners and teach them right from wrong. A seven year old is capable of following the rules and understanding consequences to their actions like I knew at age 5.

So parents think they have to let their kids be rude and stuff because of no cognitive ability to understand and that giving them consequences to teach them is going to somehow ruin them.

Even when I was a kid, the BS excuse my mom got from neighborhood parents whenever she would complain to them about their kids being mean to me "They are just children, they don't know what they are doing, not a big deal."

And another one from my "best friend's" father "Oh it's normal, my sons are mean to her too, it's normal."

Yeah mister Kyle, just because it's normal for siblings to be mean to their younger sibling does not make it okay.

But f**k parents who use age as an excuse to not do their job as parents and who would rather let their kids destroy property because you gotta let them develop you know. :roll:


Yeah my childhood sure sucked. :lol:


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livingwithautism
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27 Oct 2020, 9:18 pm

Here we go again picking on the NTs.



cyberdad
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27 Oct 2020, 9:53 pm

League_Girl wrote:
One thing that's always bothered me is when parents let their special needs kids get away with bad behavior and do nothing about it. When I was in a self contained class, we were expected to follow rules and walk through the building quietly and we all did it. We all knew to be quiet when the teacher talks. There was this one boy who couldn't stop screaming so an aid would walk him outside and go around because walking through the building was a privilege. .


I was fortunate to have spent time with severely disabled kids including non-verbal autistic children at my mother's workplace. To some extent this gave me insight and experience that other parents who subsequently have an autistic child don't get. My own daughter would have meltdowns in her non-verbal stage (3-5) as she had difficulty expressing herself. I have lost count of other parents, therapists and members of the public either staring angrily at me or giving me a lecture on how I need to better parent my child.

I don't think any parent wants their child to behave like this. I am grateful my daughter is independent and in control of her behaviour now as a teen (at least in public) but if you put yourself in other parent's shoes having to deal with a child who is regularly out of control, both the child and parent goes through suffering and the stigma of being judged by the public who will agree with you that parents like us just let their kids get away with bad behaviour. The truth is it's a massive struggle.

League_Girl wrote:
Weird thing about parents is (one of the reasons why I don't go to parenting communities) they think kids should destroy property because they need to explore.


Now then, if you are talking about NT brats well that's another matter. I recall a mother on a domestic airlines explaining to us their little "darling" needs "physical time" to kick the back of our seats non-stop for the entire duration of a long haul flight :lol: . (Its funny now put it was painful back then).