When special interests are your only reason for living

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Special interests have always been my main autistic trait. If my parents tried to take them away from me like I hear some parents do, I probably would have attempted suicide. Ever since I learned what a veterinarian was and that the role wasn't restricted to the lady we took our pets to once a year or even just pets, I always wanted to be one myself. But since I wasn't good at math I was told I couldn't be one.

I eventually realized I had dyscalculia and could get help for it and that a pre vet major wasn't ALL math like my mother made it out to be. I got sick around 15 due to some meds I was taking that were supposed to help me sleep but actually made me do nothing but sleep, and then again at 20 when taking one for anxiety that made me dizzy all the time to the point I couldn't walk.

People were telling me I was too old to apply for veterinary school. That didn't make since but I asked the American veterinary association and they said there isn't one and that they prefer applicants that are in their 30's and 40's over the typical 20's something. So people can't hold that over me any more. But honestly, if I could never be a vet for whatever reason, I possibly would kill myself. Let me have my dreams people. Let me work to obtain them even if they aren't possible for me. Let me THINK they are possible. Don't try to kill them at 4 like my mother tried to do because it was something she couldn't do.

But become a vet is pretty much my only reason for living. I tried to explain it to my mother and she just went on about how I will go to Hell if I kill myself. I wasn't saying I wanted to kill myself, I was saying that becoming a vet is the only reason I haven't tried yet and that I don't appreciate her not supporting me. Oh, and there is no limit for how many times you can apply for vet school. I heard of a lady with lots of educational disabilities who tried five times before getting accepted. She eventually got in and now works with special needs animals. I wish I could remember her name. It was on a show called "Animal Miracles" hosted by Alan Thicke on a defunct TV channel called "Pax". Anyway if she can do it so can I. I just wish people would accept the fact I will spend my whole life trying to be a vet and wish they would stop telling me to do other things. They don't get it that THIS is what I want to do and pretty much the only reason I choose to live.

Interests help focus my mind and give me reason to be on this Planet. When I was younger, my interests were creating comic books and collecting insects for observation. I'd spend every week making comics, in fact it was this interest that called concern for mum, besides that I was 4 1/2 years late reaching verbal hood, I would sit in my room making comics without speaking till age 15. Transitioning interests can be difficult. My current interest are Animation creating, Music, Dreams, Phycology.

I can understad that in that most of my life kinda revolves around my special interests.

I don't know what I would do with my time without the things that interest me. I'm good at daydreaming but it wouldn't be a good full-time activity.

Regarding being a vet...it would be great for you and the furry ones if you could help them. While you are trying to find a path to becoming a vet would it be possible to go down a shorter path? That is, can you get a job at a vet's practice until you can become a vet?

If losing special interests and/or the possibility of becoming a vet would truly push you to suicide, you have serious mental health issues. You should consider not saying this stuff to people because they are going to think you are literally crazy.

On the other hand, you may simply have such a narrow perspective on life that you can't imagine living without those things. But, assuming you aren't seriously mentally ill, it's possible for you to live a decent life without them even if you can't imagine it.

My special interests are a part of who and what I am, but I place a relationship with a significant other at Number 1 at all times. I've been that way ever since I can remember and I'll likely stand by that till my dying day. That's just my personal view though. Without having someone to share life with, it's a whole lot less meaningful, in my view.

It sounds like geography and a pandemic are complicating things for you--a lot. And if currently-reachable places won't even take a volunteer then near-term prospects are scarce--but that's just for now. Things can change over time. We don't necessarily know what changes to expect, but we can expect that something will eventually change.

At the moment I can only think of two suggestions:

(1) Giving up pretty much assures failure, so don't do that. Be patient and persevere. And don't get consumed by the inevitable frustrations and disappointments along the way.

(2) You apparently have access to the Internet. You might be able to invest your time by independently studying within your area of interest (libraries are good for that, too). While you might not be able to use the knowledge right now, having more knowledge might open opportunities later. In your spare time you might find a tolerable way to earn some money doing things outside your area of interest, but that shouldn't prevent you from continuing to learn about the things that interest you.

Good luck! And try to keep a positive attitude, I'm hoping you'll be patient, not become one.

we all need a purpose in life
and special interests can indeed give many an autistic person a purpose or at least a focus

relationships can also give a person fulfilment, i can see that. although when two attempt to live as one
you really need to be well matched for that to work
when intense interest people are involved, then partners have to be co-operative
or you both will tear each other apart or one partner will inevitably have made too much of a sacrifice

i have been there, i sacrificed my intense interests in music and martial arts to be with a religious woman
who's religion forbid intense interests in anything else but their religion (Jehovah Witnesses)
So no surprise that i inevitably became more and more unhappy especially when my religiously oppressive partner
started to break all the rules that she had so dominantly enforced upon me.

gosh. i have to say, since i the day i left that way of life, my life has been a lot better and generally much more happier
freedom is what i love
not because i am inherently bad because i am not and i don't think many people are

but because i really don't believe their religion, way or life or authority
no offence to anyone who is a believer, other people have the right to choose what they believe
that is the wonderful thing about living in the free democratic world

we are all free to choose what we believe in as long as we are not hurting anyone
the world would be a lot worse if a totalitarian state was set up
as perhaps some far right want

so enjoy your special interests
such things bring me more happiness than most people

My mother always had a reason why something I wanted to do couldn’t be done. Because I was young, I believed her. In retrospect I now see how damaging that was and the things I missed trying for.

Good for you for sticking up for yourself.

I just googled “free classes about caring for animals” and got many results, some from universities. Coursera has a class on animal welfare. Coursera classes are free as long as you don’t want credit.

So there are options if that is the way you want to go.