* I don't have the more obvious (and well-known) stims like hand-flapping or rocking. I tend to stim in a more subtle way by making small movements that may not be easily noticeable, like rubbing my thighs, rubbing/curling toes, twisting/rubbing fingers etc. I also pace a lot and sometimes get lost in picking scabs off my feet or fingers - I don't know what's there about it that makes me want to concentrate on it so much, but there it is. And, if examining things that seem visually attractive to me is to be considered stimming, then I stim the entire time.
* I don't think I have much difficulty reading facial expressions and body language. I've always been very sensitive to subtle changes in others' expression, though I didn't always understand it the right way (for example, I could easily assume my mother is cross with me, when she could just be tired or angry with somebody else).
I did have difficulties using body language. For the longest time, I didn't know where to place my hands; as a child, I could ramble on very excitedly about something, while my hands hung by my sides as if I had no use for them. Later, as a teen, I started to practive gesturing more and seemed to acquire a better sense of when to make which movements. My gestures and facial expression are very vivid most of the time now (if anything, I think my gesturing looks too large and expansive), and has started to come automatically. But it depends - there are times, usually when I'm tired or don't feel up to par for some other reason, when I suddenly don't know what to do with my hands again. Then I either let them freeze in some position (often close to my chest), or make gestures that are awkward and restricted, because I keep forgetting all about having to move my hands; or I just let them dangle.
* I only have selective difficulties with eye contact. I'm fine looking at people whom I know and/or who feel good to be around. I'll only avoid looking at a person when there appears to be something wrong about them - when I dislike them, or they make me feel embarrassed/nervous/uncomfortable etc. I also look away when I want to reflect and concentrate on what I'm saying, as people's eyes are distracting and stop me from organizing my thoughts.
* I'm not literal-minded, not when it comes to literature at least. On the contrary, I find it easier to understand emotions through metaphor or symbols than when they are described directly. However, when it came to humor/irony, I suppose I did tend to take things literally as a child - I remember being hypersensitive and starting to bawl at every word that I thought was said wrong, even when it was an obvious joke (but then my mother doesn't always joke in a nice way).
I've worked hard on my sense of humor, and I can understand most jokes very well now. But, while I normally start laughing at once when I hear someone else's joke, I can never come up with jokes spontaneously myself. I still don't react quickly enough and need several moments before I can think of something funny. Occasionally, there are still moments when I misunderstand a joke and take what was said seriously, or reply to a rhetorical or jocular question.
* Coordination difficulties. I have less of these than I used to earlier. As a child, I couldn't throw or catch a ball properly, walk on a straight line, balance on one foot or do any of the things typically listed when it comes to testing motor skills. Now I can do all of them, but I still have trouble catching smaller objects or manipulating something fine with my fingers - they often feel stiff and don't seem to obey me. I occasionally come across as clumsy, especially when I'm not careful - I drop things, bump into furniture, lamp-posts or other people, knock down cups and other objects from the table, but I suppose it's not as bad as it could've been.
* I'm not blunt. Most of the time I'm the very opposite, too apologetic and politically correct, but I don't think I have a good sense of what to say in order not to hurt others. In fact, I think this is where the excessive politeness came from. I'm afraid that I may say something offensive without wanting to, but I have no idea what that "something" might be; and, while I'm almost paranoid about how others perceive me, at least at times, I have difficulty gauging their reactions to me. So I keep falling over myself trying not to say anything at all that may be even remotely unpleasant. I probably come across as more awkward than I imagine as a result.
* Voice prosody. I suppose it's a lot better now than it used to be. When I was little, my voice seems to have been loud, shrill and quite flat. When I reached my teens, I started practising to make it more modulated, and it seems to have worked. My voice sounds allright now, at least, it seems so to me. (I'm not so satisfied with it when I hear a recording of myself - it still sounds high-pitched, fairly flat and childlike, in an odd sort of way, but then I don't do that too often. Maybe I should work with it some more by making some recordings, listening to them and then trying to make myself sound better).
When I'm too stressed out or tired, I still stutter or talk in a broken monotone, with pauses and stresses in all the wrong places, but when I feel fine, my talking is mostly allright.
15 Aug 2007, 2:42 am
