Just Want to Vent Some Feelings

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Hello, I just need a place to sort of vent some of my latest feelings. I've come on here before to write about the child that I started mentoring this year. Well, his mother also asked me to privately tutor this child to help him catch up on some school assignments. She is supposed to pay me on Monday for the month January.

Anyways, that's just a little bit of background before I begin my story. Both tutoring and mentoring have been going seemingly well. I enjoy spending time with him and while he complains about having to complete his school assignments with me, I am the only person he trusts to help him complete his work which says a lot. (I have been told this by him and his teachers say he only does work with me). So you may be thinking, "What's the problem? Why are you on here writing a post to vent some feelings if everything's going well?" "Well, I didn't say everything's going well. You see, this child is often absent from his tutoring and mentoring sessions. He is absent on average one out of 3 days per week. It's either because he is sick or because he is with a friend or his stepmom or something. I feel bad that he misses all of these sessions because he truly needs to catch up on his school assignments.

Well, this week, I was supposed to see him 4 times. I saw him on Monday but he was getting very frustrated with an assignment we were doing for his math class that was due. Once he was done with me I wrote to his teachers and explained what was happening. They set up a meeting for him on Tuesday afternoon to talk to him about trying and how making mistakes is okay as long as he does his best. His teacher wrote me back and said that he missed his meeting. His mom said that it was because he had a really bad headache that day and asked if he could log off and rest. (He was signed up for the distance learning program this year). So, this headache turned out to be something more serious. He hasn't done any schoolwork since Tuesday because he's been sick.

Last night, there was a special virtual event for all mentors and mentees. He was supposed to be there but at the last minute, when I gave his mother the link info, she told me that he was still sick and sleeping so he wouldn't be joining. I kind of anticipated this happening anyway so I tried to be okay with it. But then, suddenly, something happened and I wasn't. The director of the program was on there telling all of the mentees (kids) to thank their mentors during national mentoring month with a phone call if allowed, an Email, etc. All of the kids were in the meeting having fun playing the game and asking their mentors if they were going to play too and how much fun were the mentors having. I turned my camera off and my mic off, and I basically cried softly through the entire meeting. Why? Seeing all of the other children having fun with their mentors and thanking them for supporting them brought on some heavy feelings. Plus a game and some mediation is fun but mentoring isn't about that. It's about being there for a child in need. Something I couldn't do. How could I have fun and relax knowing that my mentee was suffering in pain and sickness and there's nothing I could do. "Please tell him I hope he feels better" is what I say, but in reality, that doesn't do anything. All I wanted was to offer him a hug if he needed it, gently rub his forehead, and tell him I'm sorry he's suffering but things will get better. I've been kind of a wreck emotionally since yesterday over this but I've just been hiding it very well in front of my family and work. I was not able to see him today either because while he was feeling better, he was sleeping because he had a rough night's sleep last night.

Before anyone responds, I already know a few things. I already know that it's weird that I care so much. I already know that I shouldn't be this worried about this kid when there's nothing I can do. I already know that he'll be fine and that kids get sick once in awhile. Knowing these things still doesn't change my mood. All I want is for this child to be safe, happy, and healthy in life. When he's not, it just breaks my heart inside and I worry endlessly. I pray but sometimes it feels like my prayers are denied. It's just sad and frustrating.

Also, I hope I get some sort of payment on Monday because my family says I should stop tutoring if I don't for my self esteem. This would mean a few things. One I'd be back to seeing him only one day per week. Plus, none of his schoolwork will get done and he'll fall even further behind and feel embarrassed about it. I'm sorry if this is long but I just need a place to write about my feelings, even if they don't make sense.

I understand your feelings.

Honestly, I believe it’s proper to be happy for those other kids.

I wonder if your mentee’s headaches are a way not to do his work—or are caused by anxiety. Obviously, I can’t judge what’s happening—I can only speculate.

Your student has to want to do the work. It’s not your fault he’s getting those headaches.

Another speculation: I hope he didn’t catch COVID. That’s a slight possibility.

Yes, you are too attached to your mentee; then again, you know that already.

I hope things work out for the two of you.

You are amazingly caring towards him.
I think he maybe not too well, and that he needs time to recover. Even if he is stressed the recovery is a good idea. There are times when trying to force oneself to do subjects that does not fit within ones special interest catagory can be extremely difficult if one is not ready for it, so trying to push oneself when one is not up to it brings stress.
Physically fighting off something will also bring stress.

Do not worry about it, because I know one thing in life. One can catch up later if it is important, even if it is 30 years later! There is no specific time limit. If one is ready to learn one will learn. I say this for you not to worry because it is not about exams that we learn. It is about equipping us for our adult lives. Passing exams just gives us the ability to fast track us into our dream job or chosen career, but passing exams is in itself no guarantee that we know the subject, as I have met countless people in my life that have passed exams but simply do not know or understand the basic principles of the subjects they have passed their exams in, and it came to be that the teachers concentration is to teach the children to pass their exams, rather then to teach them specifically all there is to know about the subjects that they are teaching (Which is a different approach. One can be expert at memorizing things to pass exams without understanding the subject one is studying).
Now I say all of this so you can understand where I am coming from and not to worry or blame yourself if he does not pass his exams. This does not mean that he does not know the subject, and it is his knowledge that he learns when he is with you and the other teachers which is why you teach. The exam passing is a bonus. You are there to share your knowledge in the subject(s) and it is done in stages so it is easier for children to grasp and understand. Each year is normally a new stage.... But it does not matter if a child does not get up to the next stage. Just teach the child what the child him or herself can grasp. If you have done this you have done a good job no matter what anyone else has said. (And being loving and caring is beautiful, and is the best as you want the best for him).

I certainly hope that it was not COVID. The thought of that is dreadfully frightening. I don't know why he gets headaches and belly aches but I do know that he is almost never ready to learn. This hurts because I just want to help him out so he can grow up to be a mature, responsible adult. I just have a lot of love in my heart for this child because he always finds new ways to make me laugh and bring me joy, even in times of distress. He is one of my favorite people to spend time with and I sincerely hope that I can make a difference in his life.