I don’t know how to title this :/

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Last night, I was thinking about how my life has been so far, and it feels like I’ve not done anything at all compared to people I have seen.

I am 16 years old and the biggest thing I have achieved is winning the school’s talent show when I was 8 after singing all 50 states of the USA. This would’ve been helpful if I was American, or at least wanting to travel to the USA, but I am British and I have no plans of moving out of the UK.

My best friend isn’t Autistic, and she has constantly been given opportunities and achievements. Plus, she has a lot of friends, constant job opportunities, busy days and a boyfriend , while for me, my only friend is her, and the only time I am busy is for 2 hours on a Wednesday where I do volunteering.

I don’t remember anything from my childhood apart from the talent show. From the age of 8 up until a month ago, I’ve had no opportunities at all. No job experiences, no good grades, no offers to participate in shows or competitions. I’ve only recently been invited by my best friend to hang out with her because she’s had a couple of free days.

But it makes me wonder what I’d be able to do if I wasn’t autistic, and how different my life would be.

Apart from my best friend, I did have 4 other friends, and I was in a group chat with them. But after I told them that I am autistic, they started to ignore me and not involve me in conversations. I got overwhelmed about this and left, and they never added me back or contacted me.

I’ve never been invited to parties, or to go out with people. I’ve never been in a relationship or even had anybody ask me out.

I see autism representation on TV shows, but they’re always smart, or have some sort of opportunity for success, while I can’t even get myself into a college.

Nearly every day is either me staring at a wall in my room while listening to George Michael on repeat or spinning in a chair until I feel sick.

I feel like I’ll get no where in life, and I can’t help but wish that I wasn’t born like this.

Do not look at what others do. Learn to develop your own interests, tallents and specialities that makes you you.

Welcome to my pain. Sometimes I fret and worry that I have never got drunk in my life, or been clubbing, or been to any concerts or gigs, or had a friend stay over at mine when I was younger, or even worked full-time. I feel so unique and abnormal because of it. And I'm 31. You're only 16, still a child, and have your whole life ahead of you. Things might change and opportunities might arise. When I was 16 I only had one friend. We weren't out clubbing or anything. We hung about together at school and went on bike rides sometimes in the evening, or I'd have dinner at her house. But at weekends we just hung out with our families. Never got invited to parties or whatever teenagers get up to. Didn't touch a drop of alcohol. Didn't have boyfriends. I lost my virginity at 22, which isn't too old really, and I got my first job at 22 (which was part-time). Everybody my age does full-time work, not just the standard 40-hour week but like up to 80 or more hours. AND they manage to go to the gym between work times! I work part-time and still don't have the mental or physical energy to go to the gym and keep fit.

One thing you should do: don’t go around telling people you’re autistic.

You’re only 16, in high school. Not many 16 year olds have accomplished much. I certainly didn’t.

Your friend must see something in you; otherwise, she wouldn’t be your friend.

George Michael is okay. He’s from way before your time. I’m 60, and he was popular when I was in my 20s. What got you interested in him? I don’t think it’s weird that you like him—I’m just curious.

Are you going for your O-Levels soon?

I hadn't done anything much by the age of 16. I got 6 'O' levels that year, after floundering dangerously for a long time and putting in a huge effort to catch up at the last minute, and had been in a small and unsuccessful pop group which broke up after a few months. I've still got the recordings that prove how bad we were. I had one date but the girl concerned ditched me after that.

But I was never very worried about not succeeding. I just carried on plugging away at the music, but didn't even get into another band till I was 18, if you can call it a band, and we didn't even get a drummer and start performing till I was 23. The job I got when I was 19 wasn't very ambitious (I ducked out of university because school had been hard enough), but I was lucky that I found something stable to pay the bills. I think it's more important to keep excessive pain and boredom out of my life and to have a bit of fun than it is to try to become some kind of an "achiever." Eventually I got quite good with music but it took decades. Relationships were either non-existent or fraught with trouble for many years, and I've only recently started to get that right. Friends are still few, but I manage to keep my head above water, though I've come near to sinking many times.

So my advice would be that it's too early to start worrying about what you've achieved.

I know the feeling. I'm ten years older than you, but don't really feel like I've achieved anything. Not that I'm completely dissatisfied with my life; despite my autism and physical disabilities, I'm still able to live on my own and make a living. I suppose that could be considered an achievement considering my health, but it doesn't feel like one when I think of others my age and younger. Or what other people I know had done by my age. Sometimes I too wonder what'd be different if I wasn't on the spectrum, but honestly, I don't think I personally would've gotten very far even without autism since I'm also physically disabled. But I'd probably have more friends and be in better terms with my relatives, at least.

This might sound like I'm looking down at your problems, but you are only 16, not even an adult yet; you have plenty of time to make something of yourself. Had I thought of things deeply like that at your age instead of being sure of everything working out somehow, maybe I could've gotten further in life by now. What I'm trying to say is that since you already know that you want to really achieve something, you can start seriously thinking what's important to you and in what kind of things do you want to get good at.

What do you do when you volunteer? Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll look better than nothing in your resume when you try to get a job. You have that going for you at the very least.

Do you know what does your friend do differently since she has so many job opportunities? Maybe you could ask her some advice.

Without jobs, friends, and competitions, "life"goes on and on and on and on

There are good and bad sides to having jobs and friends

There are good and bad sides to not having jobs and friends

I am 38 and for a long time I didn't have job or friend

Jobs and friends are not as awesome as some people act like they are

Especially since Covid

If you want or need a job, fill out applications online and look up job search advice online

If you want join clubs

But when you are 16, jobs and friends are not that urgent, unless you are in an extreme situation


Sometimes situations are not as urgent or bad as they appear


Sometimes situations are worse than they appear


I am 38. Ucsf, AAA, Westpac, and other rodents had the nerve to make my worthless corpse redundant

Plenty of people (and even on wrong planet) claim they got made redundant

Plenty of people unemployed or underemployed (and especially on wrong planet)

Plenty of people no friends (especially on wrong planet)

What do you enjoy doing? I am super impressed by your 50 states song by the way. But never mind other people and what they are doing. You need to find something you love that you can really dive into whole-heartedly. When you find that, your perspective will begin to change. That's where it will all start for you.