Masking

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During a majority of social situations I imagine someone I know, sometimes someone from TV/movies, and what they’d probably say in that situation. Then I mimic their reaction the best I can. I have been doing this my entire life, and it’s caused a lot of issues because It’s easy to lose sight of who I really am, and it’s very draining. Does anyone else use this method to mask? Or is this just what masking is?

I would say tv/movies have influenced me but cannot point to a specific reference. I talk in sound bites, just like the evening news. I was glued to the evening news as a kid. I remember when JFK was shot, they announced in school and when the bus dropped me off, I ran to the tv. I was six. Walter Cronkite was a deity to me, I still have a hard time accepting he lied about Tet. I've repeated some faddish phrases...where's the beef, a couple of wild and crazy guys, etc for humor.

I can not tell the difference between masking and myself. I let my "self" speak a couple times this past summer (talking without thinking) and was shocked at what I said. These came out of nowhere in my mind, were 100% accurate, and scared the hell out of me that I knew what I was said. One was even a planned statement that I thought about, decided to go with and realized the truth after some processing time. It was perfect for the moment but I had my doubts before speaking.

My history is I knew myself at two (sang happy birthday to me) and spoke perfectly. I then regressed and developed my own language of mumbles until five. In the first grade, I got paddled for saying something wrong to the teacher, no clue if what I said was wrong, even today, but remember being pissed off afterwards instead of embarrassed.

I do the calculations when listening to someone and also trying to decide on what to say. The final check is an internal feels and a decision if this is the right or wrong thing to say. Usual hit or miss results.

There are many ways to mask. Sometimes it is a simple as not mentioning something that is true but would be unwelcome.

Sometimes it is recognizing that what you would like to talk about does not interest others.

It may even extend to being solicitous when you really don't care.

Making use of persona components of the fly as needed can be useful.

The construction of a complete alternate persona can be taxing and risks blurring your own identity.

I am struggling with blurring my own identity heavily right now. I have been mixing others personalities in different situations to appear normal, and now I feel like those people including my friends only like me because of this form of masking. I’m really struggling with it. I made a therapy appointment.

I am struggling with blurring my own identity heavily right now. I have been mixing others personalities in different situations to appear normal, and now I feel like those people including my friends only like me because of this form of masking. I’m really struggling with it. I made a therapy appointment.

I brought this topic up recently in a message thread called "Camouflaging?". I tend to channel certain tv or film personas based on characters that I admire to some degree in order to cope with inadequacies due to my autism. Like you, I've been doing it my entire life. I've often said that I don't know who I am because of it.

This seems to be an unusual way of masking, but it is a legitimate type of masking in the autistic community. I do it and I've read of others in the autistic community who do it as well, so I hope you don't feel alone.

I don’t feel as alone, thank you. I don’t think I realized I was doing it as a child but it’s become very apparent lately, and I think it is because it is causing me a lot of mental issues, as you mentioned, with finding out who I really am. I feel like the people I am friends with may only like me because of this persona I’ve created.

I suspect there are different forms of masking.

Some people mask and project a false narrative of their beliefs in order to make other people like them.

I do something a little different. Inside me is a young child (even though I am now 73 years old) and I project myself as an adult in order to survive and excel in this strange world I live in. [And the craziest part of this is that THIS APPROACH ACTUALLY WORKS.]

I was incredibly shy as a child to the point that I wouldn’t speak in class or to another person I didn’t know.
I now believe that I was probably masking. I can think of several incidents where my parents berated me for being rude to people and so being “shy” was a way that I didn’t say the wrong thing - ever.
I speak to people now but I have, from an early age, rehearsed conversations before physically having them. This is something I thought everybody did but I realise that’s not true. Rehearsing conversations is another way of masking for me.

My wife and two daughters had selective mutism. I suspect that anxieties (especially in childhood) contribute to this condition. My wife cam still beat herself up over conversations with friends that do not go well. Her method of "masking" is to not say much and avoid conversational discord. As a result many think her friendship desirable as they often (mistakenly) think she is in agreement with them.