Helping a relative get their own place

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portmoon
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Joined: 5 Jul 2021
Age: 49
Gender: Male
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Location: England

05 Jul 2021, 7:05 am

Hello,

My relative has a diagnosis of ASD and I would like to help them get their own place. They are currently living with their grandparents after university but have said they would like to get their own place. They have a job but it's not well paid. I was wondering how I could best help them? I could afford to help them financially, but feel that would not be enough.

My idea was to send them a message saying I'd heard they were looking to get their own place, and that I'd like to help. If they said they were interested I thought the next step might be to say that I'm going to break it down into small challenges. The first 'challenge' would be to get a notebook and pen and write "My new place" on the first page.

The next 'challenge' would be to start a new page and write "Why?" at the top then think of at least 3 reasons why they'd like their own place and write these in the note book. The next might be to start a new page and write "What?" at the top - and then think about what sort of place they'd like, starting with 3 questions - flat or house?, buy or rent?, share or live alone?. The next task might be to start another new page and write "How?" at the top. This stage might involve opening a savings account and putting a deposit in it. Also figuring out how much they could earn in a month after tax.

Then I thought another small set of challenges might be to start a new page and write "Costs" at the top and find out how much things cost where they are living currently - like what is the monthly electric bill? the gas bill? the council tax, etc? But just do these one at a time. This could take a few weeks. At the end of it, they would have a list of costs and could work out the total cost per month of living in their own place.

Then I thought I could offer to match whatever they pay into their account, either £1 for every £1, or maybe more, like I could put in £4 for every £1 they put in.

and so on...

I thought breaking it down into lots of tiny challenges might make it more manageable?

Very grateful for your thoughts! :D



ASPartOfMe
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05 Jul 2021, 10:31 am

Welcome to wrong planet.

If you have not done so make sure they want you to help them.


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portmoon
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Joined: 5 Jul 2021
Age: 49
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Location: England

05 Jul 2021, 3:33 pm

thanks!



BeaArthur
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05 Jul 2021, 7:51 pm

What you have suggested does not seem very collaborative, and it seems intrusive. You should instead be a good friend to them and if the subject of their own place comes up, ask if you can help in any way.

Are you geographically distant? I could not understand why you would send them a message, instead of just having a good conversation.


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