Aunt Staying With Me

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This has been concerning me for a while is it normal for us Aspies to get annoyed easily or irritable easily? for example my aunt stays with us for 6 months out of the year, I have nothing against her but why do I get annoyed quickly? such as feeling that I have to live around someone else such as in my own kitchen, taking a long hot or cold shower and having to rearrange everything, are we self absorbed? I am focused on what I am doing and taking care of my dog like he is a child yet others annoy me, when my family gets together they can be up each others a** and share every minute of their lives and it doesn't bother them all being together in one house

Aspies and people with ASD (same thing really) get very frustrated and annoyed/irritated in general when things change and shift outside out expectations and boundaries. If your normal process is to not have this aunt around, then when they come over it disrupts your normal expectations, so that can make things difficult in general. In addition, social difficulty is typical (very common) with people on the spectrum. Most of us prefer to be alone or to associate with animals or interact with objects, rather than have social contact. Even people who are close relatives can be difficult and taxing for people with Autism.

In your case it sounds like you are having two simultaneous issues: A change in your normal routines AND the added expectation that you are required to have social engagement. This can make it all very hard, causing stress, overload, and other similar problems.

NT (Neurotypicals) do not have these issues, so they are perfectly fine socializing and sharing space. They may even enjoy it. This doesn't make you self absorbed per se... a common misconception is that ASD diagnosed people are self centered and unempathetic, and seem to only care about themselves while ignoring the emotional cues and needs of others. That isn't true, but the difficulties we face often make this seem to be the case (And yes, there is some relevance to the way we behave that basically has the same result as if we were all of these things). It is the way the brain functions for people with Autism, not an intentional affect.

If your family does not have the understanding or education about what Autism means and how it functions (And even if they do, they may still lack full comprehension), then they can very likely trigger all the wiring for you that sets you off, makes you irritable, and in general make the situation hard for you. This is *also* not intentional.

Autistic people and NT people don't typically have an easy time working with one another, and usually the NT has to work harder to work with us, because we may not have the capacities to do the opposite (even if we try hard).

Does your family offer any support for you?

I honestly only see my father and mother in the house I do not really see the rest of my family, my father knows how I get and is sympathetic as well as understanding, but on the other hand I don't think he believes I am on the spectrum because I can pass as NT although a little ''eccentric'' or ''odd'' we argue at times because the minute I don't fit in or get annoyed with my aunt here something is mentally or emotionally wrong with me, I do try the ''NT Thing'' but feel as if I am on a different page

that is the thing also they do enjoy it always sharing every second of their lives via facetime call or just phone calls, reviewing their days and just ''checking in'' I worry what is wrong with me that I get annoyed all of that especially when I am eating my dinner, feeding my dog at same time and trying to watch videos online, I feel a total disconnect or as if my mind is someplace else focused on my dog and my agenda

being sympathetic and understanding Autism are two very different things. Even people who can pass as NT and who are on the spectrum can have very hard times with certain things because of the ASD diagnosis. It is, as I said, a brain wiring thing.

I am not a professional, and full disclosure I have not been diagnosed yet (Waiting on an assessment as an adult is a looong waiting list), but what I know, based on the constant research I do while waiting to be assessed is that even milder versions of Autism still come with quite a few quirks and nuances that separate us from NT groups. I can pass as NT as well (I wouldn't have made it to 38 without a diagnosis if I didn't have that capacity), so I am well familiar with the "You're acting weird" or "You're eccentric" stuff.

My suggestion is to see if you can find some information on what makes Aspies or people with Autism different than NT people. If you have a therapist, you might request they talk with your family about these differences (if you feel they are trustworthy people to advocate for you). Having an advocate that can explain that yes, you do have challenges in the emotional and social range, or yes you might have sensory issues, or yes, you could have cognitive challenges... whatever the case actually is for *YOU*, having someone to speak up and speak to those things in a way you are comfortable with can be very important, especially when trying to have close family or friends understand.

You can also self advocate, but that requires you to understand your diagnosis well enough to be able to explain confidently what Autism means. That may be difficult, but there are some tools that can help.

Take a look at a few of the videos by this guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EnZO9VqTbK8

Those videos are one of the main reasons that I began looking into Autism for myself, and he does a rather good job of explaining why Autism or Asperger's isn't as obvious and can just seem like an eccentricity to NT people.

Hopefully it helps with your situation.

I feel bad because I try to blend in with them or other NT's and just get irritable, panic and anxiety attacks, constant pressure and asthma flareups I honestly think we are not equipped for long periods