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Belushi87
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Joined: 25 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 217
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia

13 Jan 2017, 11:53 pm

I know that I'll be moving 4 hours away sometime in the summer, my parents will be also moving to the same town when they retire. (We have a summer place that they are moving into.) My mom told me until I found a place I would have to move back in with them. My parents kept telling me about living independently and learning about how to take care of myself. They think that I'm at 75% independent, but I do live on my own in a basement suite so I know how to deal with everyday things that come up.

The problem I find is that, wouldn't my parents help me find a place to live as soon as possible instead of moving all my stuff into their place and then moving it all out again into an apartment or basement suite? Why wait? If they want me to reach 100% independence, wouldn't they step up as parents and made sure I was taken care of and not assume that I wouldn't be able to find a place to live as soon as we moved?

I've said since the beginning that I didn't want to move out of the city I live in now. I feel comfortable, I know where everything is, I know the bus routes and it feels like I would be starting from scratch and my parents know this and I feel like they would have helped me with whatever it takes to make me stay where I am. They assume that I wouldn't be "safe" and that I wouldn't be leaving the house and become a hermit, but I told them that if they were farther away then it would be easier for me to learn how to deal with things on my own and it feels like if I move back home with them even for a short time, I would locked myself in my room like I've done before and not want to socialize. It would make me take a step back and not be as independent as they want me to be because I would be relaying on them and not taking care of myself.

Would do you think? Do you think it would be easier for my parents to help me find a place as soon as we can so I can move in when the time is right to move in the summer? or do you think I should spend the summer living with my parents, lose the independence I've gained in the last few years until I find a place?

They are really pushing this independence thing and why would I ruin it by going back and relaying on my parents to "take care" of me when I'm 29 going on 30.



NikNak
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Joined: 6 Aug 2016
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 223
Location: Scotland

14 Jan 2017, 8:59 am

From what you've said it sounds like you would be using your parents as a stop gap before moving into your own place in the new town? Perhaps it could be beneficial as you would have somewhere familiar to return to while exploring the new area and getting comfortable with everything?

On the other hand, if you think you could cope moving straight into your new place alongside familiarising yourself with a new town then I definitely think you should go for it.

You also mentioned not wanting to move in the first place? Are you happy and settled in your current life and achieving everything you want to? If so is there any way you could communicate to your parents that you'd rather stay?


_________________
Diagnosed ASD Aug 2016, confirmed Dec 2016.
Also have OCD and various 'issues'.


Belushi87
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Joined: 25 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 217
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia

14 Jan 2017, 7:10 pm

the problem is that my parents house in the new town is in the middle of no where, you need a car just to get into town and i don't have my own car. so i'll be stick at home all day and i don't want be the one who constantly asked for a ride because i would feel like a teenager.

my parents believe that i wouldn't be able to take care of myself in the town where i am now when they live 4 hours away because i wouldn't have the family support to help if i need it. with my parents living so close as it is right now, they are always having me over for dinner so they assume that because i'm always eatting with them that i don't cook for myself. i told them that they farther they are living, the better chance of me having to defend for myself because i know that i wouldn't be able to call them when something comes up. i would have to learn things on my own because i have go, but they think that i'm not 100% independent to stay where i am so they kept telling me it would be better to move with me until they know i can live fully independently. it feels like they want to watch me and look over my shoulder 24 hours a day to make sure i'm doing what they want me to do. it makes me feel like they don't have faith in me to make it where i am now.