Can I Refuse to Help My Father?

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No one understands anything.

Last edited by mj1 on 11 Sep 2021, 11:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hi mj1

Look at the 'facts'

You dont pay rent
You dont like your housemates

You cant go to work

you have three at least 3 choices:

1. Get help - see doctor for signposting to other support

2. Get a job that suits your needs - better for your mental health

3. do nothing

Two of these choices has a future, one is stuck in the present. Find the strength to make bold choices. You will feel better the moment you do.


kuze

I assume that you original post had more information. However, just going from the question in the title I would say that the option to be unhelpful is always at hand.

In family situations there can be a price exacted. For example a father might ask for help with something but be insulting, ungrateful, or even antagonistic. In this case a negotiation might be possible that would place conditions on the help that might make it workable.

If your father was a bank robber and wanted you to drive the get away car, you might say you would be willing to drive, but only to the police station.

If your father created an environment that was uncomfortable from a sexual or manipulative perspective, it would be best to avoid situations that would exact too high an emotional price or result in emotional damage.

We all would like to help others especially family members. However, we are also responsible to consider the risks.

I presume that includes yourself.
In general, you can refuse to act, but if this is seen as cheating, you will probably pay another way. In general, one human should always help another human if the overall effort is thereby reduced, or one is struggling harder than they can enjoy. If a ball rolls off a playground into your path, you throw it back, and if a short person can't reach something, a tall one should not think twice about handing it to them. If two people share a space, they should share the cleaning, or trade for other favours. If you are idle while another is busy, make sure that is not the usual case.