Dealing with insults due to being in a world of ones own?

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I know that I can come across as being strange, odd, or weird to other people. I'm finally beginning to understand that the main cause of my difficulties, is that I can often seem to be very much in a world of my own. I also have social anxiety, and this probably increases my strangeness.

I'm self diagnosed and self identified as Autistic, and have seen that this is one of the definitions of Autism - "behavior showing an abnormal level of absorption with one's own thoughts and disregard for external realities."

This is defintely me. It's one of many traits or characteristics that I have.

The thing that causes me issues is that my behaviour seems to be so unusual/ different/ or extreme that people stare and comment, and verbally abuse me. Do normal good manners not apply to how people treat those that are different!? It definitely seems not.

I'm trying to be accepting of comments like "weird" since it's not been news to me for a long time that people see me as being weird. Even so, I still find it difficult to accept the way I am treated by other people.

I've been looking into ways of dealing with insults, and asking yourself if it's true or not. If it is true, then why be hurt by the truth? It doesn't seem to me to be as easy as that. People seem to think they have the right to call a weird person "weird". I suppose they do. Just the same as the person being insulted is still a human being with feelings.

I'm struggling to deal with this. It keeps happening. I have a very good idea why.

The whole Autism self discovery thing is still all quite new to me (it's just in the last few months that I've realised that I at least have significant traits) and I guess that I'm kind of experimenting with being fully "unmasked" and fully my Autistic self in public, and I've seen the consequences of this time and time again. I don't yet know to what extent I might be able to control these behaviours of mine. It seems to need constant effort to keep the mask on, and when I let my guard down for an instant someone notices straight away and stares or comments. I guess I am just one of those people that stands out. As I have social anxiety too I really wish that I did not.

Anyone else relate to any of this, or have any thoughts about any part of this?

Last edited by Shadweller on 28 Dec 2021, 8:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

Maybe you can find other autistic people who will accept you for who you are. Not easy. Who are 'weird' themselves.

Shadweller, you're not weird. You're one of us.

Hmm...... Weird: Strikingly odd or unusual, especially in an unsettling way; strange
Put like that it hardly seems an insult.

I lost interest in "normalists" - people who look down on folks who are different - a long time ago, decades before I knew what ASD was. When I was a teenager I thought it was just the generation gap, but I noticed a lot of people of my own age conformed more readily than I did. I became friends with a peer group who were into blues and progressive rock, we grew our hair long and laughed at suits and bank jobs. We called ourselves "freaks" and we called the conformists "straights." I was much happier with them. I've never completely lost that attitude. I'm a lot less judgemental about mainstream people than I used to be, but I'm not sure they'd be much less judgemental about me. So when I have to be with them I often wear quite a thick mask, and I don't feel at ease among them. After the "freaks" I found one or two groups of alternativist types here and there, people who wouldn't judge me harshly for being eccentric or in a world of my own.

Naturally it was the most difficult for me with family and with jobs, where it's not easy to keep away from people with a judgemental outlook. Even when I've no evidence for it I'm usually anxious that there might be problems. I was lucky enough to get a science job - scientists can be pretty eccentric themselves, and I suspect they tend not to judge people so much without real evidence that they're a real threat to them, so it made things a little less uncomfortable. As for family, I've minimised the risks by opting out of associating with them a lot, and by keeping a lot of my true nature fairly secret from them.

If somebody tries taunting me with things like "weird", or other descriptions, I usually just agree with them. Takes the excitement of reaction seeking away from them fast. on to the next subject.

Yeah, this explains why in the past I have often been drawn to other people who are 'different' in some way, long before I ever suspected that I might be on the spectrum myself. I know for sure that some of these people also were, as they had been diagnosed, and I strongly believe that some others were too, even if they didn't know it themselves or they chose not to disclose it.

Yes. It is very difficult, but it sounds like you have the right attitude: self-acceptance.

I try to remember that people call something "weird" once they stop trying to understand it. It's not a very useful word. Yes, their comments hurt, but also reveal their own superficiality. Let them waste their life with this mentality, expecting everything to be as they expect, and not as it is.

Most people seem to live for a group identity, and feel disturbed by anything outside their group culture. They see your difference and take it personally, fearing there is something wrong with them. Ever notice how most people seem to endlessly compare themselves to others, and segregate? You live as yourself, they live to conform, and they are caught between an instinct to conform to you while not understanding you. This causes unwanted feelings in them, so they punish you. But you are being yourself and doing things which don't really affect them. It is up to them to remember this.

In my experience, there are not many people out there I can connect with, but the ones I do I can connect with very deeply. This is enough for me, even if most people cause a lot of unnecessary pain. Stay true to yourself and you will find meaning in life. Live for them and you will waste it. I hope you find your fulfillment.

Yes I wish I could muster this level of detatchment and cool. I have to accept that when I do certain things in certain ways, many people are going to view me as being weird, and some are going to comment on it.

I was watching some You Tube videos about the Stoic way of dealing with insults, and one part of it was "why be offended if someone comments on what everyone can see to be true" - for example if someone has a bald head, or skinny legs, or a pot belly. I mean, I understand what this guy was trying to say, but it's still rude to call someone fat, or bald or whatever, in my opinion, even if everyone can see that it is the case. I guess the same arguments can apply to being weird.

It's annoying that I often respond in an emotional, rather than rational way and get hurt by these comments, I think it may be a bit of a conditioning thing that I'm finding hard to over ride. I know that when I'm feeling more confident for various reasons, that this sort of thing generally happens much less, and if it does, I'm able to deal with it much more easily.

I went to a tanning salon whilst depressed to try to get some artificial sunlight during the grey skies of winter in Britain, 2019.

The biological woman seemed disturbed that I was turning up at a place for people who seek to improve their physical appearance (vanity) - yet there I was, out of shape with a pot belly, like a pig, sauntering into her place.

She told me I looked pregnant?

When I tried to renew my 'minutes' - she basically told me she didn't want to take my money. She told me that I needed to lose my gut before returning to her tanning salon.

I then told her flat out, that I was depressed and that was the reason I was there. She told me she was an ex-nurse and that she was depressed herself, and I was making her depressed and she didn't want me to take my money.

Businesses' don't want my money.

The world is full of joyous & lovely people.

Yeah this is a useful thing to bare in mind. Thanks for your reply.