Why don't people don't understand us Aspies

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So, like I noticed that most of my family, friends, & peers don't understand me at all, like my friends & sometimes family keep snapping at me, or I always get blamed for everything, & I'm a thin-skinned person, like people think I'm just a "normal" person, but I'm not, I been called ret*d, slow, stupid, etc.

& I'm of mixed heritage, so the fact that I don't look northern European, people don't see the aspergers in me, since most aspies in the states are of Northern European heritage, despite me being a quarter celtic ancestry

I think if we were free to speak they'd understand. But I didn't feel I could. When wrongly accused of this or that I had no defense. I favored mute over hysterical, since being quiet was more socially acceptable. Now that I am in my 50s, I am speaking my mind more... as calmly as I can: "I am feeling very strongly ... or I have a million thoughts... and will get back to you on that." With people I trust I am starting to share my real feelings.

I understand the difficulties of being further from a "norm" (race, gender, age, socioeconomic, etc). Woe to intersectional folks...

The name calling is inexcusable. I'm so sorry. I would love it if we could call it like it is (without negative consequences)! That would be so freeing!!

IMO, many NTs just choose to be ignorant (especially through the use of stereotyping) but like what Sharon B said, if we were given the opportunity to speak, NTs would be able to understand us.

But however, it would depend on an individual's background and how such an individual's family understands the spectrum. As a matter of fact, my two bigoted uncles believe the spectrum isn't real, that the only way for a man (spectrum and NT alike) to truly "man up" is to enlist in the US Armed Forces (which thankfully I never did) and that the only way for a woman to be truly happy is to settle down before doing anything else.

The next time they visit, I am going to stay out of my house.

Maybe because we don't proof-read our titles?

It's not just autism people don't understand. It's most neurological differences if they or their loved ones aren't suffering with it themselves.

I felt misunderstood for all of my childhood and young adulthood.

Then I found out that in my growing up, I had not learned to communicate well because my situation did not include healthy communication. I had to be taught to communicate in healthy ways.

I was not able to " think myself out" of old ways, I had to have an outsider teach me and coach me about how to do this, and to point out where I had mistaken ideas. I had to learn new skills and new ways to do so many things that I had never dreamed of in the ways I interacted with others. I needed the help of a therapist/teacher/coach to teach me these skills. I could not do it alone.

My rigid autistic thinking never let me understand that I had choices about how to respond to others in almost any situation.
I learned new ways to communicate,
I learned I could make healthy choices,
and I learned I could make myself understood.

If I could do it, I think almost anybody can.

This was 35 years before I even learned about my autism.

Learning how to make myself heard and how to interact in healthy ways with others probably saved my life and my sanity.

I recommend it for anybody who feels they are not understood in almost any situation.

It was the best thing I ever did for myself. It was the one thing that helped change my life for the better, better than anything else I have done, ever. Go for it!! !

Hi all,

I am not even sure it is that they do not understand us; I think that were inconsequential to popular culture, so by extension, not worth listening to. Obviously, that's not the case. In my experience, neurotypical people struggle with any form of difference or break from policy or procedure. I don't know what others have experienced around the world, but here in U.K. even the 'specialists' have very little understanding.

There could be a lot of reasons why neurotypicals don't understand autistics

Not enough information to determine the correct reason

Everyone subconsciously biased

Precious lil "people" keep blaming me for things that I did not do. Or I did them and they were not bad or wrong. Or they were bad and wrong, but not enough to justify the way they treated me like public enemy number one

While precious lil "people" get away with doing all sorts of bad and wrong things


Outnumbered overpowered outsmarted


Vocal cord damage

As long as people perceive differences as defects, there will be lack of understanding.

Lol

There rae alot of obstacles to people understanding me (autism, psychosis, etc.). Best advice just try to speak your mind and be honest about how you feel. Also try not to get too distressed if it doesn't work out well. That will only make things worse. people wouldn't understand you if you don't speka up and try tohelp them understand. and ultiamtely that's your job as a person.

I've always spoke up about how I feel - but that had created other problems for me and the people around me because I was called a "whiner" and told to "stop moaning" so often that those 2 words have lost all meaning to me now and are just insulting instead. And it didn't really help people understand, they just said "you moan all the time, quit whining and moaning, all you ever do is moan, moan, moan - you should be called Mona because that's all you do, you moaning Minnie!" But I wasn't exactly moaning, I was just expressing anxiety, stress and depression, which were felt very strongly by me due to my anxiety disorder and impulsivity to express my thoughts and feelings.

can't convince people to listen who aren't open to listening. If being honest abunt how you feel and hwo they can help you feel better doesnt' work distance yourself from them if not physically emotionally.

It was a bitter pill when I read a sage's advice "Seek not to be understood, but to understand." Being understood is a common and pleasant experience for many NTs. However, the odds of a random person being able to understand a random specialty of any kind are pretty low. It is well known that deaf people can read lips most easily if the conversation is proceeding normally, but quite a few people just can't stop themselves from shouting uselessly. Minor bullying of all kinds is intended to restore group solidarity - if it is not understood, it continues until one is driven away. In technology, people are often floundering about with no understanding at all, in hopes that they are making a decent copy. One often hears "If I can do it, anyone can do it," revealing a very circumscribed imagination. Around here, just being known to visit a mental health worker can get anyone shunned as dangerous. Then too, I'd say that quite a few of us don't understand ourselves, so what chance has someone with less information and motivation, and a different mental system that they always rely on?

Well it was basically everybody I knew, even my family. I was nicknamed "The Moaner". But I've never really learnt how to express negative feelings without moaning. People even tell me to stop moaning when I'm NOT moaning at all.
Like one time at college I was in a happy mood, and the teacher gave me some sheets of paper, and I said, in a jokey sort of tone (not whiny), "if I can find room", and I laughed as I put it into my bag. Then this girl yelled from across the room, "Joe90 - do you ever stop moaning?!" but in a criticising way. I thought she was being extremely rude because one thing I wasn't moaning and the other thing I wasn't even talking to her. So I looked up and said, "what?" And she said, "you, you're always moaning!" Does it even matter if I WAS moaning? She was at the other side of the room talking with her friends.
I didn't speak to the b***h ever again.
Also another time I was with a friend who I spent more time joking and laughing with than anything else, but one day she was complaining about something to someone and they said, "moan, moan, moan!" and my friend pointed to me and said "ha, she moans all the time!" What??

But it seems that everybody I meet says that I moan. But I've learnt to speak my feelings in a jokey tone, or a matter of fact tone, so that I sound less whiny, but it doesn't work. People still say I'm moaning. So how can one express that they're feeling anxious when people don't listen and dismiss you as "moaning"?

Last edited by Joe90 on 10 Nov 2021, 5:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

Maybe talk about your feelings about once a week, and things of mutual interest otherwise?