People who try to wind you up...

Post Reply New Topic

... or use your emotional vulerablity against you, or try to upset you in some way, how do you deal with this minus avoiding the person which is my usual strategy (although it isn't always possible)? It isn't a case of who does this to you, it's a case of who [i]doesn't[i] do this to me? I am getting sick of it, at times its seriously starting to impact my mental health, anyone relate.

Yeah ok, let me elaborate. Hi all (subclinical traits here):

This has been going on for virtually all of my life, my ex for instance would do it something rotten for like 70% of the relationship (the other 30 percent was ok, I mean being constantly rejected/looked at funny/lack of female interest was something that bothered me for several years, I found her when I was desperate but I digress).

A mate occasionally does it, another one does it as well, my own dad (who said mate also noted was a bit of a bully/ occasionally emotionally/verbally abusive anyway which is true) would do it, he also previously has said things to me of a nature of intent to cause me feeling of shame if that makes sense, I know for a fact he now, and has previously known I am buried feelings of shame, and does or says things to me to disturb me or cause an attack, some would call this a meltdown, I wouldn't call it that but it's the same sort of deal.

Every single college, and I was laughed at/mocked by several others too, it's all a total joke. Occasionally the behavior becomes bully-eske, intimidating, hateful or borderline-abusive.

Like wtf is that s**t, all I ask for in this life is to be taken seriously and given the basic human respect without being victimized. It's incredibly depressing. Seen three therapists previously and they have tried every single possible thing they can do to help me out with this among other stuff and they have, but having a permanent therapist isn't always continent for me so I come here for help.

Occasionally even by members of the general public, which is bizarre, maybe I am a bit of an easy target, only thing that made me less emotionally vulnerable was more self-confidence/less insecurity which I guess is protective.

There is also occasionally manipulation (attempted), like as I said in another post, by some people, like trying to get me to nick things for them (blocked her), to do things for them, or to do things (commanded actions?!) that are amusing to them if that makes sense, I suffered bad trauma due to this which I was in the past though so I don't want to go into it.

Right, It's usually something of the nature of ASD related things despite being me being more neurotypical anyway, nitpicky things you know quirks and that or trying to humiliate me due to them, moralizing me about minor things (I can't stand this and I am sure the 'bullies' know this too well).

Talking behind my back when I am in the location, micromanagement by lectures or trying to upset me in some way (which is akin to bullying and why I am no longer there). I could vent forever but you get the deos. All I wish for in this life is neutral treatment from others without being scapegoated, or targeted by so called friends. I feel like I am a total outcast sometimes. Saw a fireworks show last night with sis and her bf and there was already someone looking at me weird and making triggering comments at my expense.

It's one of the reasons I am a bit reclusive. Although I am currently emotionally stable (winding someone up being the opposite of that/intension), I talked it out with my mam who tbf is probably one of the very few people in my life who I can without facing backlash, victim blaming bull or as I say, using my emotional vulnerability against me.

Sometimes, the degree as to which it happens causes me severe mental distress I have been in a very bad place due to this before, it's not a joke anymore, it's needs to stop, but the only solution is avoiding them or getting defensive on my end, being defensive all the time is exhausting so guess which option I choose. Either it upsets me or it makes me very angry, it's horrible man.

So, do you relate? How have you coped, and specifically with that issue with my father, what's the dealo with that. I asked on another forum and the response I got was "they do it to me too, you're not alone" so I figure this is a common occurrence among individuals with asd traits, I don't mean bullying, I mean winding you up or trying to upset you. I would like responders to take this seriously and be civil.

This is normal social ritual as long as its' not crossing a line. Teasing is normal.

Only at elementary Andy early high school.


The rest is likely self inflicted from ego.

Or an unspoken and agreed upon sessions with my SPED teacher.
Yes, it's voluntary because I deemed it to be an instrument for my own emotional development. And there are no agreed upon structures and let her.

This isn't abuse nor some personal brand of masochism. More like a way for me to confront certain feelings in safer places, maybe figure something out.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

^
I hear ya. Like the post was about being 'targeted' by others a lot, possibly as a way to control or shame me, hard to beleive as you say, hard to describe but we are on the same page here I think. As if said person (myself, the "I in me") was prone to feeling shame, or had insecurities, others use this as a sort of weapon to cause me such feelings (triggering or hurting my feelings), and have done this before, like I would say I am sensitive to facial expressions especially those that entail mockery, I have easily hurt feelings, it's easy for others to cause me mental distress or get me wrought in up inside.

Anyway, for instance my farther had previously said things to me that I found disturbing, like (take this seriously) he said "the combination of milk and alcohol will turn into balls in your stomach", this sounds very random, but knowing him for example it was no doubt an intent (I am 100 percent sure he knows this) to trigger shame, of that of a somatic variety (I am prone to hypochondria) , you may wonder why I would find this disturbing, but honestly the idea of having that going on inside isn't a nice thought>shame.

I digress again, a bit of a vent, I posted about this core issue on another forum and I did get some advice, which I worked on, saved to my laptop, about triggering people and psychological toughness rather than fragility. Just saying this happens so often to me which is why I made the thread. My mam says I overanalyze everything, she'd be right but yeah the working on "the self" thing I get ya. Someone mentioned Taoism as a solution, on this different forum. The vulnerable feelings inside is what makes me vulnerable to being humiliated or wound up.

I mean honestly this is less of an ASD thing and more of a "narc defenses" thing, it's hard to describe but I know due to my ASD traits, to be brutally honest, cause me feelings of shame, or buried feelings of being different, but I post here as it's relavant.

Kids used to wind me up a lot when I was a kid, but back then I didn't know how to take a joke, so when I reacted by crying or walking off or whatever it just made their harmless teasing turn to unkind bullying. I think if I had of taken a joke I probably would have had more friends.
Like when kids made fun of my name I would get all upset instead of just laughing along with it.

As an adult I've learnt that the more people tease you the more they actually like you. When people make fun of my name now I just laugh, and it forms a social bond.