anthropologist from mars wonders how humans date each other

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do you understand how to date somebody?
nope, never have decoded that mystery. :huh: 24%  24%  [ 5 ]
yup, but it was the hardest thing i've ever had to learn how to do. :o 24%  24%  [ 5 ]
yup, it comes naturally to me. :) 10%  10%  [ 2 ]
i'm not sure. :shrug: 19%  19%  [ 4 ]
i don't give a good GD :x 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
where's my strawberry sundae for 2? :chef: 24%  24%  [ 5 ]
Total votes : 21

Jakki
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11 Feb 2022, 7:55 pm

With all his money , I take exception to Elon Musk , he is in the prime position to bring awareness to the plights of the Autistic community . But yet have heard nothing of this . It causes me to wonder quit abit about his level of autism. If in fact he actually is . Autistic people DO have good levels of empathy I feel . Yet this man does not appear to?


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txfz1
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11 Feb 2022, 8:08 pm

^made me look it up, seems Albert married a fellow student (married 1903, separated 1914, divorced 1919) and then his cousin (married 1919, died 1936). Seems he started dating the cousin in 1912 still married to first wife. Albert was a playa!



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11 Feb 2022, 9:41 pm

CarlM wrote:
A partner motivated enough to find a mate can overlook that not happening to a large extent if other qualities are displayed.


I guess you touch on an interesting point whether there are NT women out there who are sufficiently attracted to some qualities in a man that compensate (for them) for other qualities that other NT women might find weird/off putting. Yes there are women like that but (unfortunately) they are hard to find.

CarlM wrote:
What about Einstein? I don't think he did much dating before he was famous and even then I still can't see him "dating".
.


Actually Einstein married twice and cheated on both his wives. Yes he was strange but oddly he was getting a lot of female attention even before he became famous.



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11 Feb 2022, 9:42 pm

txfz1 wrote:
^made me look it up, seems Albert married a fellow student (married 1903, separated 1914, divorced 1919) and then his cousin (married 1919, died 1936). Seems he started dating the cousin in 1912 still married to first wife. Albert was a playa!


:lol:



Juliette
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11 Feb 2022, 9:55 pm

There's a book entitled "Einstein in Love" and he was the perfect example of a man you could easily fall for, but "at your peril".

I was always fascinated with him ... (for his mind).



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11 Feb 2022, 9:59 pm

auntblabby wrote:
how do humans go on dates with one another? i mean, what are the mechanisms, the signals, the words and looks and body language? this martian anthropologist would like to know, as i am tired of it being as mysterious to me as a doorknob is to a cat. :cat: i haven't got too many years left in this world and i want to solve this riddle whose answer has been kept secret from me for so many decades now.

also to the genius-level TOM/socially intelligent aspies here, did you learn this by rote or did it come naturally? if the former, did somebody teach you/got it from a book, or what?


It came naturally. I'm generally approached, but if there's someone I wish to date, I will definitely approach. Purely innate, very much instinctive. Has never caused a problem.



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11 Feb 2022, 11:02 pm

autisticelders wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
unless one is highly attractive, women are subtle in an arcane way.

not necessarily :) look for an autistic woman. Direct, open, honest... definitely not subtle! I scared off many NT I met because of those qualities. I had to approach my (now husband) target , object of my interest after we met for the third time or so and be pretty blatant with him, before the light dawned that I was interested in him... I could see it when he woke up and began to respond. You might be missing signals that are being sent, even though I am being direct... that autism thing gets in the way of reading body language or taking hints. I probably missed lots of "hints" in my dating days. Those relationships would not have worked anyways, I don't do subtle. I miss too much to make that form of communication effective, never healthy for me or others, either. Shared interests are what finally brought us together. Joining groups where you share interests first establishes some commonalities that make conversation and interaction easier. FB groups have worked very well for me with this. Unless your interests are twisted or not at all in the mainstream ( physics or kinky stuff for example) I bet you could find others with stuff in common and move on from there. Best wishes.

"i can't take a hint." too subtle. i have not found anybody who shares my interests. mine are fairly arcane. born on the wrong planet, not the one with the people like myself on it. the one autistic woman i knew was still extremely subtle. not until she drove up to meet me did i get a clue. yes, it has to be that obvious before the :idea: comes on in my noggin. too bad i am just not compatible with anybody. ended quickly and badly. that i so disappointed her despite my best efforts, after she went through all that trouble and finally "did all the work" to meet me and establish a relationship, is something that scarred me deeply.



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11 Feb 2022, 11:05 pm

Juliette wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
how do humans go on dates with one another? i mean, what are the mechanisms, the signals, the words and looks and body language? this martian anthropologist would like to know, as i am tired of it being as mysterious to me as a doorknob is to a cat. :cat: i haven't got too many years left in this world and i want to solve this riddle whose answer has been kept secret from me for so many decades now.

also to the genius-level TOM/socially intelligent aspies here, did you learn this by rote or did it come naturally? if the former, did somebody teach you/got it from a book, or what?


It came naturally. I'm generally approached, but if there's someone I wish to date, I will definitely approach. Purely innate, very much instinctive. Has never caused a problem.

you are a social genius. :star:



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11 Feb 2022, 11:07 pm

Jakki wrote:
With all his money , I take exception to Elon Musk , he is in the prime position to bring awareness to the plights of the Autistic community . But yet have heard nothing of this . It causes me to wonder quit abit about his level of autism. If in fact he actually is . Autistic people DO have good levels of empathy I feel . Yet this man does not appear to?

similar to bill gates, so brutally intelligent that they have absolutely no rapport with mere mortals like the rest of us. autism is irrelevant to them due to their extreme intelligence, it is at worst a nuisance they can summarily swat away like a fly.



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11 Feb 2022, 11:45 pm

auntblabby wrote:
Juliette wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
how do humans go on dates with one another? i mean, what are the mechanisms, the signals, the words and looks and body language? this martian anthropologist would like to know, as i am tired of it being as mysterious to me as a doorknob is to a cat. :cat: i haven't got too many years left in this world and i want to solve this riddle whose answer has been kept secret from me for so many decades now.

also to the genius-level TOM/socially intelligent aspies here, did you learn this by rote or did it come naturally? if the former, did somebody teach you/got it from a book, or what?


It came naturally. I'm generally approached, but if there's someone I wish to date, I will definitely approach. Purely innate, very much instinctive. Has never caused a problem.

you are a social genius. :star:


… and you are a beautiful human … on the Wrong Planet :heart:



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11 Feb 2022, 11:55 pm

auntblabby wrote:
similar to bill gates, so brutally intelligent that they have absolutely no rapport with mere mortals like the rest of us. autism is irrelevant to them due to their extreme intelligence, it is at worst a nuisance they can summarily swat away like a fly.


Gates and Musk are both driven individuals so I think it would be more accurate to say they maximised their intelligence because they were highly motivated to succeed.



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12 Feb 2022, 12:17 am

Juliette wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
you are a social genius. :star:

… and you are a beautiful human … on the Wrong Planet :heart:

awwwww :heart: thank you Juliette :flower: i wish the Wrong Planet was the Whole Planet! :bounce: :bounce:



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12 Feb 2022, 12:18 am

cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
similar to bill gates, so brutally intelligent that they have absolutely no rapport with mere mortals like the rest of us. autism is irrelevant to them due to their extreme intelligence, it is at worst a nuisance they can summarily swat away like a fly.


Gates and Musk are both driven individuals so I think it would be more accurate to say they maximised their intelligence because they were highly motivated to succeed.

or their intelligence maximized THEM.



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12 Feb 2022, 12:33 am

cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
similar to bill gates, so brutally intelligent that they have absolutely no rapport with mere mortals like the rest of us. autism is irrelevant to them due to their extreme intelligence, it is at worst a nuisance they can summarily swat away like a fly.


Gates and Musk are both driven individuals so I think it would be more accurate to say they maximised their intelligence because they were highly motivated to succeed.


At this point in their respective lives they have both tasted abundant successes and irregardless of their ambition .
It would be rather impossible for them to not acknowledge that they are humans . And possibly be sympathetic to the plight of others that may share similarities in neurological make up . There but for the grace of god go I .knowing how these men compose themselves given the times that the worlds is going through , and their possible lack of altruism. Towards others of similiar neurology . One might hope that someday the shoe would be on the other foot so to speak .


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12 Feb 2022, 12:39 am

it is quite common for gifted people to climb the ladder of success and then pull the ladder up behind them so nobody may follow. just look at clarence thomas who was the beneficiary of an affirmative action program to get him into law school and then he turns around to his fellow POC and opposes the same sorts of affirmative action programs that helped him, for anybody else. stinking hypocrite he is. legions of people just like him.



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12 Feb 2022, 12:51 am

Am sorry.. am quite sure I will go to my grave not understanding people of that sort . But people tell me this is the way of the world now…? It is sad. Or is it just my naïveté ? 8O


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