Have people said "you don't try hard enough"?

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Texasmoneyman300
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19 Apr 2022, 10:31 pm

Ya my parents tell me all the time that I could get a job and move out if I wanted to but I dont try hard enough but kI have been trying for the past decade with no luck.



klanka
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20 Apr 2022, 9:09 am

I had someone give me a fake job opportunity by saying he was going to train me...but didnt.
I went into his electric scooter shop for four weeks and recieved no training...even though he invited me to go for that exact reason.
He had said that people should 'show initiative' so when I was there I actively asked to be trained even though that is obviously not necessary.

All he did was say vague things and walk off.
When I confronted him on the lack of training he said i wasnt showing initiative or which is another way of saying 'not trying hard enough'.

I didn't know this person was not really my friend so a few months before that I felt shunned by his social circle. It was him and two other men. I would go up to them and say something, only to be ignored by all three of them. One of them actually had a scowl on this face if I tried saying something to him once.

The scooter repairman actually said that I'm not trying hard enough to socialise in that group. He said it unprovoked, as in I had not complained about being shunned. So I think it was a case of protesting too much.

When some other people who were not in that clique came into the group I got along with them really well. It feels like some kind of cosmic justice happened (I would say God) because after a while my friends stayed and his friends left the group. So I was vindicated.

If you feel like you have tried, and someone says you haven't, they could simply be messing with you.



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20 Apr 2022, 12:28 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
MagicMeerkat wrote:
. . . but my mother wouldn't tell me to give up on being a veterinarian. I was in the 3rd grade when she said that (although she claims she always encouraged me) and I just gave up trying anything in school. I wouldn't do any assignments and my grades dropped from A's to F's and I didn't care. I had a teacher who was a bully so that didn't help either. . .

Some teachers want an easy job and resent a student who needs extra attention.


Yeah, true that! Some teachers have the attitude that "I don't get paid enough to deal with mental-case kids", or "weird kids" or whatever pejorative... they figure that there's more energy spent for less return than a "normal" kid and that ASD kids are just going to be perpetual burdens on the system. :evil:
But, surely they must know the "risk" of encountering ASD kids exists, in this day and age; as a matter of principle, they shouldn't be going into teaching with a mentality that they're entitled not to deal with such kids :x



Jayo
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20 Apr 2022, 12:34 pm

klanka wrote:

If you feel like you have tried, and someone says you haven't, they could simply be messing with you.


Yeah, I completely agree with this!! If some streetwise bullies who have acute ToM sense that you're sensitive about your struggles and being invalidated in spite of them, they will lie or exaggerate to make you feel crappy. Sure, it's not the same as having a school bully punch you in the shoulder or shove you into a locker, but these adult bullies who pull this crap make you feel just as full of consternation and angst :x :evil:

In those cases, it's best to follow-up with a question that puts THEM on the spot: "How did you conclude that I wasn't trying hard enough? By what objective measure?"



klanka
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20 Apr 2022, 1:59 pm

Oh then they'll just double-down and say something like 'obviously you didnt try hard enough because if you had...' or something unprovable like that.

I just try to get away from someone when I detect this behaviour.

In that group one of the blokes who I got along with left...because of the repairman..and the other kind of just stayed and made himself a part of the group and didnt question anything...so actually the cosmic justice kind of disintegrated as well ;)
I just ended up leaving then.



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20 Apr 2022, 3:21 pm

Problem: sometimes - I really do not try hard enough.
Problem 2: sometimes - I am trying much harder than other people but getting less results because of executive function issues or social skills issues or overwhelm (etc. etc. etc).

In college I tried harder and harder and ended up in the hospitable. Lesson learned: sometimes "just try harder" is very bad advice.


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Jayo
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24 Apr 2022, 6:51 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUpxmn7W57o


This song's lyrics suggest a personality type i.e. lazy, irresponsible, flippant type, and NOT a person with a developmental disability...



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24 Apr 2022, 6:57 pm

Jayo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
That sounds like a good question to ask?

Are the responses you get useful?


Ehh...not really. :( At least they don't get aggressive. They'd typically just mutter some "by now" statement, e.g. "well, you would have gotten the hang of (insert NT-centric activity bias) BY NOW".
And then I'd come back with "So how do you attribute that to lack of effort?"
And then silence for a few seconds, and again some other mealy-mouthed, uninformed response.

Oh my god, happens a lot to me. Exactly like that. They get aggressive, whisper behind my back and have like a mood change towards me that's constant.


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ToughDiamond
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24 Apr 2022, 7:21 pm

Jayo wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUpxmn7W57o


This song's lyrics suggest a personality type i.e. lazy, irresponsible, flippant type, and NOT a person with a developmental disability...

AFAIK he hasn't explained its meaning, so I guess it's whatever the individual wants to make of it. I just posted it because for me a lot of the lyrics seem to fit the kind of things that some judgemental types say about Aspies:

Compassion, it isn't necessary
His sickness is an act

It doesn't pay to help him
He's somewhere else

Someone ought to twist his arm

You're looking for Mr. Right
His type need not apply
He won't play the white man



Jayo
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25 Apr 2022, 5:36 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
Jayo wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUpxmn7W57o


This song's lyrics suggest a personality type i.e. lazy, irresponsible, flippant type, and NOT a person with a developmental disability...

AFAIK he hasn't explained its meaning, so I guess it's whatever the individual wants to make of it. I just posted it because for me a lot of the lyrics seem to fit the kind of things that some judgemental types say about Aspies:

Compassion, it isn't necessary
His sickness is an act

It doesn't pay to help him
He's somewhere else

Someone ought to twist his arm

You're looking for Mr. Right
His type need not apply
He won't play the white man


Yeah, OK, OK...I see where these perverse lyrics are heading...basically it's a message that anyone deemed mentally ill should just be ignored, they're a lost cause, and that old canard that their condition doesn't really exist but it's all in their head... :x :roll:



ToughDiamond
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25 Apr 2022, 6:50 pm

Jayo wrote:

Yeah, OK, OK...I see where these perverse lyrics are heading...basically it's a message that anyone deemed mentally ill should just be ignored, they're a lost cause, and that old canard that their condition doesn't really exist but it's all in their head... :x :roll:

I think it's as good an interpretation as anybody's - I'm pretty sure the author was attacking the sentiment rather than expressing them literally. One thing I'd love to see is a website that had artists' interpretations of their own poetry and song lyrics, but it seems few artists explain much, they just put it out there and leave it for people like me to hazard a guess.



IsabellaLinton
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25 Apr 2022, 7:19 pm

People say I try too hard, and not hard enough.


Too hard: hyper-focus, special interests, rumination, hyper-vigilance, routines, repetition, being stubborn

Not hard enough: ADHD, poor executive function, knowing my own limits, being avoidant of new things, social / sensory overwhelm, and shutdowns.


People -- Who needs them? :(



Imedatingayandere
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25 Apr 2022, 7:53 pm

my best (ex) friends mothers idiot boyfriend would always say "if you just try hard enough" your disability is secondary to your own personal capabilities" I like these people , maybe they'll end up in car crash and some insane eugenics prick will take out all the wheel chair accessible areas after seizing power and I can laugh at them than



Anomaly_76
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25 Apr 2022, 10:32 pm

LOL - I get the opposite -- people say I try too hard sometimes. However, I have gotten quite tired and loathsome of the seemingly ageless "You just have to deal with it" "You just have to get in the habit" "You just have to train your brain" I so oft get from a certain family member.


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I don't know how to act my age, I've never been this old before. Which begs the question....
Since ASD means various parts of the brain stop developing at various ages...
Just how the hell am I supposed to know WHICH age to act, anyway? :lol:


Jayo
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26 Apr 2022, 7:01 am

Anomaly_76 wrote:
LOL - I get the opposite -- people say I try too hard sometimes. However, I have gotten quite tired and loathsome of the seemingly ageless "You just have to deal with it" "You just have to get in the habit" "You just have to train your brain" I so oft get from a certain family member.


Well ya...it's a no-win situation: either they accuse you of not being effective, or of not being efficient :( :x