Why do autistic women put up with this stereotype?

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I know you're not that sort but there are some male members here that are.

A extra cheer for Kraftie , just him being him ..!

Women don't exist and any issues they have are just made up so they can whine, plus everyone knows that reclusive men who have minimal experience with women always know what's best for them.

(/Sarcasm heavily intended...)

Seconded.

Just for the record, I generally don’t post or even read in the women’s section due to the same issues already mentioned.

I'm glad kraftie got your seal of approval.

For myself, I make no claim as to what type of male forum member I am. I don't intentionally troll women but I can't guarantee I've never posted something that some women might find triggering.

As for the possible stereotype I posted about, this is difficult because it's my impression that people on the spectrum who are AFAB and are predisposed to engage in intimate activity with persons that are AMAB have a much more complicated relationship to their sexuality and libido than the average for that category of people (across all neurotypes). However another problem is my age. There seems to be more shame attached to heterosexual relations today than when I was single and more reasons have been identified to avoid such relations except in situations that meet a high standard. Things I did in my 20s and early 30s, even things I've done within the context of my marriage, might be subject to criticism as exercises of male privilege in the bedroom or however you want to put it, although they didn't seem wrong at the time. Without getting into my personal experience, I could cite many examples of situations depicted in popular entertainment decades ago that might have been presented as "romantic" at the time but would be considered exploitive now. I'm certain everyone here has at least heard of Flashdance to give just one example. Or almost anything James Bond did that wasn't directly related to carrying out his missions.

It would seem that being on the autism spectrum just makes things even worse.

Just treat people with respect.

I haven't seen flashdance, but the film a Room with a View comes to mind. Do not just grab a lassie you like that you hardly know and kiss her without consent.

I dunno why young men have their knickers in such a twist. Be nice. Don't push her. Don't grab her. Talk to her. Don't treat her like a scary sacred idol.

A good example is Joel on Superstore. He's a delightful flirt. Very funny and personable, he shows an interest in women in a very non-creepy way. They have a laugh, make a connection, the he says, "hey do you want to go out for dinner?" When they have a good rapport.

That's what we like.

Your Good ……..

I've always been asexual (official ASD) in that I never had any desire whatsoever to move past hugging, snuggling, embracing and an occasional very brief and light peck on the lips. Traditional kissing makes me want to puke and I find it revolting, even to watch on TV.

I've never had an interest in any vaginal or male gen italial activity. I have always had ZERO sex drive. I've always been straight; have NO attraction to other women. I can't grasp why anyone thinks premarital sex is okay. I'm extremely old-fashioned, and this is innate. It wasn't drilled into my growing up, though my parents are old-fashioned. I could never understand why teens want to make out, let alone have sex. I had NO interest even in making out when I was in high school, though by the time I got to college I wanted a boyfriend, but sex was OFF LIMITS. I never got that boyfriend, though, but if a BF ever said, "I'll break up with you if you won't have sex," I'd tell him good-bye and good riddance.

Nothing like being direct …..! All opinions are welcome, I would think ?

I can't grasp why anyone would think it isn't okay? Normalizing premarital sex seems to be part of the reason younger generations have lower divorce rates than their parents generation.

Not everyone is bound to end up married.

Most people are ready to have sex long before they're ready for marriage.

I think your lack of interest makes it easier to accept unreasonably strict norms because they won't have any impact on your own life.

Last edited by funeralxempire on 08 May 2022, 4:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I noticed there are some autistic women who are very interested in maintaing a public appearance of being romantically involved with a man. This is somewhat similar to many autisitc men wanting to have eye candy hanging off their arm. I think a feeling of inadequacy is the motive for both sexes.

As for the overall sexuality of autistic women. It seems to vary more. Asexuality and fear of sex seems normal. Previous past abuse, fear of sex, unwillingness to step outside their comfort zone, anxiety. There might be many reasons.

There are also autistic women who want and actually get fairly "high end" partners for the same reason as any other woman. This however seems considerably more rare than with NT women.

Goodbye perhaps but good riddance seems harsh.

This is one of those instances in which a man should take a woman's perspective and experience more seriously than his own opinion. Really.

Depends on what that man knew before getting into a relationship I guess.

If one is sexual and involved with someone who has no desire to ever be sexual it seems fair that good riddance would be mutual. One is entitled to have standards and to have those standards include a desire to engage in sexual contact.

In a wider sense outside of the original user I quoted. I noticed it's common for autistic asexuals to conflate sexual desire and sexual entitlement.

An autistic asexual who is upfront about being asexual is more than fair enough but I myself have been in situations where I think asexuals have told me a few porkies about their lack of sex drive.

I think this is a common problem with asexual autistics. Because many autistics lack sexual desire and people skills, a sizable chunk don't realise they might be subconsciously leading partners on if they're not upfront about being asexual and their partners desires might be confused with entitlement.

The one autisitc woman I knew was asexual and became fiercely angry when she discovered I wasn't asexual.