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ChrisInAustralia
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12 May 2022, 5:58 pm

I grew up completely lost about my place in this world and how to navigate it. My first girlfriend was my first wife, before that I knew a girl who in hindsight was crazy about me but at the time I didn't see it and I messed that up.

But my biggest regret about growing up is that I didn't go to live music because I was scared to. My first band was Wham, my mum sent me with my sister. My second was AC/DC 7 years later and I honestly went assuming I was going to get killed. Nowadays, live music is one of my safe spaces, my therapist asks how I deal with the violence of a metal gig, but it's not violent to me. I get pushed around a lot but to me it feels like a big hug, my kind of people, bonding together over something we love. I've missed it terribly the last two years, although i've had a few gigs recently again

so what I wondered is, assuming we all had struggles growing up, what's the one thing we regret missing out on because we didn't know how to navigate it? Or is it just me?



SharonB
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12 May 2022, 7:25 pm

My wedding. I didn't know I was Autistic, so didn't know to manage my sensory and anxiety issues. It went well enough, but I have huge regrets about how I **didn't** manage some obstacles. Of course my family didn't know either, so personally faulted me for my difficulties rather than helping. They say "no regrets" in life... so I plan to clear these up one day...



ChrisInAustralia
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12 May 2022, 7:32 pm

SharonB wrote:
My wedding. I didn't know I was Autistic, so didn't know to manage my sensory and anxiety issues. It went well enough, but I have huge regrets about how I **didn't** manage some obstacles. Of course my family didn't know either, so personally faulted me for my difficulties rather than helping. They say "no regrets" in life... so I plan to clear these up one day...


That's a tough one. A lot of pressure is put on marriages. I didn't know both times I married either but I was already well known as the weird guy and my family didn't attend either because they are a disaster.



Dillogic
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12 May 2022, 7:40 pm

Not taking an offer up when it was there.



Dear_one
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12 May 2022, 8:24 pm

No real personal regrets. I did my best on the assumption that people would decide not to destroy the climate. My life is wasted so far, but I'm glad I tried to use my talents for good. I wish I'd learned about the difference between IQ and EQ much earlier, and that the Dunning-Kruger theory had come out much sooner.



ChrisInAustralia
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12 May 2022, 8:30 pm

Dear_one wrote:
No real personal regrets. I did my best on the assumption that people would decide not to destroy the climate. My life is wasted so far, but I'm glad I tried to use my talents for good. I wish I'd learned about the difference between IQ and EQ much earlier, and that the Dunning-Kruger theory had come out much sooner.


I hear you there. I always had a high IQ but IQ doesn't really measure intelligence. I know what EQ is but I've never done a test.



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12 May 2022, 8:34 pm

I regret not befriending nice girls at school who showed interest in becoming friends with me, instead of sticking to the girls who didn't want me around. If I had made friends with the right girls I might have lived a normal teenage life without all the horrible social isolation. But each time a nice girl showed willing in being my friend, I backed away like I was scared to branch out, and I ran back to the (familiar) girls in my class who just pushed me away and excluded me. It was just immaturity. As an adult I'll befriend anyone who is nice, but back then I only wanted to be friends with those who were cool and popular. The nice girls who wanted to be friends with me weren't as cool or popular, but they probably would have been decent friends for me.
Sometimes it is important to make friends with the right people when you're a teenager, because your teenage years can haunt you for the rest of your life. When you have good memories to look back on during your teenage days, it can make you feel good.

Oh, what was the matter with me back then?! :roll: It's not like I didn't understand the signs of whether people liked me or not, it was just I didn't seem to want to branch out. I was just so foolish. :roll:


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ChrisInAustralia
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12 May 2022, 8:44 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I regret not befriending nice girls at school who showed interest in becoming friends with me, instead of sticking to the girls who didn't want me around. If I had made friends with the right girls I might have lived a normal teenage life without all the horrible social isolation. But each time a nice girl showed willing in being my friend, I backed away like I was scared to branch out, and I ran back to the (familiar) girls in my class who just pushed me away and excluded me. It was just immaturity. As an adult I'll befriend anyone who is nice, but back then I only wanted to be friends with those who were cool and popular. The nice girls who wanted to be friends with me weren't as cool or popular, but they probably would have been decent friends for me.
Sometimes it is important to make friends with the right people when you're a teenager, because your teenage years can haunt you for the rest of your life. When you have good memories to look back on during your teenage days, it can make you feel good.

Oh, what was the matter with me back then?! :roll: It's not like I didn't understand the signs of whether people liked me or not, it was just I didn't seem to want to branch out. I was just so foolish. :roll:


As a guy, it's interesting. There were two groups of girls in my school. The nice, sensible, quiet girls who were my only friends, and the girls who I was scared to talk to because I was attracted to them.... I wish I'd known that the girls I liked talking to were the sort of girls I was likely to enjoy dating. In fact, the sort of girls I've gone out with in my adult life (although not many, I've been married twice, second time 28 years, and only dated one other women, last year, because we were briefly open at her request)



Edna3362
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12 May 2022, 9:06 pm

Closest I got is actually trying to drink that soya milk my sister likes to drink...

Not because it was spoiled or spiked.
I just really don't like it. :eew: Probably a moment I'd rather take back.


The rest are to do with not knowing/discovering/doing something sooner, yet could've been done and chose to at anytime and just did it much later anyways.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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12 May 2022, 10:26 pm

Eating too much

Getting made redundant from too many slave plantations

Not transitioning earlier

Hanging out with homophobic precious lil "people"

Structural engineering, wrong school, wrong major



Destroying work history, unemployable



Tim_Tex
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12 May 2022, 10:30 pm

Voting third party in 2016.

Not majoring in computer science

Not going to a university right out of high school



Last edited by Tim_Tex on 12 May 2022, 10:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ChrisInAustralia
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12 May 2022, 10:31 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Eating too much

Getting made redundant from too many slave plantations

Not transitioning earlier

Hanging out with homophobic precious lil "people"

Structural engineering, wrong school, wrong major



Destroying work history, unemployable


Jesus, I'm sorry. I have a trans son. I was never a bigot, but he was raised in a conservative church, which I left over racism, and he still is scarred by it.



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13 May 2022, 4:38 am

So many things.

One that stands out is passing on being someone's plus one at the London 2012 Olympics closing ceremony and after party. I would have met so many of my favourite bands. Social anxiety kicked in.


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Takatomon
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13 May 2022, 6:06 am

After recently getting dumped after a 13 year relationship I have so many what if regrets that I don't even know for sure were the cause of the breakup.



Fnord
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13 May 2022, 9:35 am

Going through a passive "Nice Guy / White Knight" phase instead of being more assertive toward women.



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13 May 2022, 9:58 am

Interesting question. It's hard to know my regrets as I have a lot. Regrets can be spliced and diced in so many ways. Long term, short term, within the family or our side the family, acute effects or chronic.

I honestly don't know what pick.